Unhappy Marriage, Is this Why Your Wife is Not Attracted to You?

Has your woman ever complained about you being undependable or wishy-washy?

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck and just can’t follow through on things?

Do you ever feel like other men are more confident than you and get more done?

I want to talk about being a WISHY-WASHY MAN.

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They are more common than you think. I was one – and still am sometimes.

The key traits of a wishy-washy man are:

He is slow to answer questions and says, “I don’t know” a LOT

He feels sluggish in his mind and body and regrets not following though on things he wants

He finds himself DEFENDING himself when pressured by others

He doesn’t really have a f&*$ing opinion about anything

He stews quietly in anger about his circumstances – mostly mad at himself

Any of those sound familiar?

A wishy-washy man is uninspiring to himself.

He has a lot of negative self-talk and beats himself up a lot.

He isn’t happy because he can HEAR HIMSELF speak and he doesn’t like what he hears.

Often, he knows his wife wants more from him. More leadership, more decisiveness and more confidence.

And it pisses him off that he just can’t seem to follow through.

In this video I give you more insight and offer you the first steps you can take to fix this.

YouTube video

When I make these videos and articles I often have guys say…

“how do you know what’s going on inside my head?”

“You must live in the walls of my kitchen!”

“How do you know every word that’s being said?”

My answer is always the same – “because I don’t make these videos and articles for you, I make them for me. I make them for myself as I currently am. I make them for the older version of myself that I remember (not so fondly) and I want to remind him how to think and how to be.”

So if I say something that might sound a little harsh or a little insulting or aggressive to you, remember, it’s for me, it’s not for you.

This article has to do with something that all of us fall victim to; being wishy-washy, being indecisive, being non-committal. It’s a really horrible energy that makes us feel like crap inside our own body and guess what, it’s some of the most annoying, irritating, unattractive energy a man can give off.

What does it mean to be wishy-washy?

There are two different ways we do this. The first one is the way we respond to people.

When we’re asked a question by anybody the best we can come up with is “well I don’t know…maybe, I have to think about that.”

I want you to have a flipping opinion!

Think about what it is you believe. What it is you stand for.

When you’re asked a question by anyone whether it’s your wife or a co-worker or anyone, try to think of what you believe, what you think is true and even if you don’t know, then say “I don’t know” confidently and with authority.

So often we don’t, instead we get wishy-washy!

When we’re asked a question like “what do you want for dinner?” and we answer with “I don’t know, what do you want?” Or “I don’t mind, I’ll eat whatever you do.” Or “Whatever you come up with is good.”


When you’re asked a question, have an opinion. Know what it is you want to say. Know why you’re saying it. And if you don’t know, say “I don’t know, I’ll get back to you later.”

Being wishy-washy is very non-committal, it’s indecisive, it’s kind of weak and it’s just annoying. It’s annoying for others to experience and it’s annoying to you too.

You know in your body when you’re being wishy-washy because you don’t feel good, you don’t feel like yourself.

The second way that we’re wishy-washy is with our own life and goals.

This applies to me especially.

Last year I headed out to California because my coach was putting on an intensive training event for about 200 people. I had been to that intensive for the previous 3 years but last year I wanted to go and be part of the event rather than just experiencing it. I wanted to be part of the team leading it so that I could give back to people who are showing up for the first time like I did five years ago.

So I just decided to pick up the phone and call his assistant and say “hey, I want to help, how can I help?” And she said, “OK, really? Yes!”

So I went and I loved it.

Before I called her I was a little bit wishy-washy about whether I wanted to go, whether I should take the time out away from my home and work, whether I could afford it (I had to book a room and pay for my flights) but I said “screw it!” – I had a flipping opinion.

I knew I wanted to go, I arranged the pet sitter, I knew that my girlfriend would be fine – I just made a decision.

So when it comes to moving forward on things that you want to get done, when it comes to achieving goals that you want to accomplish, don’t say “I think maybe I’ll do this next year” or “I’m kind of planning on doing this if I find the time or the money.”

Stop being wishy-washy, indecisive, uncertain and unwilling to commit to something that you know you want!

When you know you want to do something, make a decision and do it!

Pick up a phone, ask for help, send an email, make a decision or make the purchase. There’s almost no decision that you make that can’t be undone.

But don’t get caught in this wishy-washy, limbo land of uncertainty, not making a decision – AGAIN.


Because we feel like crap when we’re wishy-washy!

We also come across as BEING crap to others. We’re uninspiring. We don’t inspire enthusiasm, we don’t inspire connection and we don’t inspire attraction. These are all secondary reasons.

The main reason not to be wishy-washy is to feel better about myself, about who I am and what I want to do.

This is a little “tough love” brother.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am to have men in my life who will challenge my excuses, my justifications and my fears.

They will call me on my bullshit when they see that my thinking is screwed up. And they do it with love and with my best interest in mind.

That’s why I’m bringing it up in this email for you. Maybe you don’t have anyone to challenge you to step up and out of your sluggishness.

Sometimes just having a mirror held up to your face makes a man flip the switch and start making changes immediately.

It’s absolutely amazing how fast a man can turnaround his sense of confidence, clarity, focus and happiness when he decides he is going to OWN his thoughts and his actions.

One of the biggest challenges for the wives and girlfriends of my clients is believing how fast a mental shift is made in their man. They want to believe it, but they don’t trust it. (as in, why couldn’t you do this years ago?!)

But, it is real. And it’s permanent.

It’s an immediate switch from wishy-washy to confident, clear and accountable. It’s almost too good to be true.

This is what we promise when you start coaching with us.

Promise? Really? How can we promise that?

Because it’s actually a VERY SMALL shift in your perspective that’s needed to cause an exponential shift in your results.

When you change your core THOUGHTS, you will change your core EMOTIONS, which will change your ACTIONS.

It’s that simple.

This isn’t chest thumping, war painting, Kumbuya coaching. I would suck at running that kind of coaching.

It’s coaching for everyday men who are ready to show up powerfully to support each other in the process of becoming confident men who create the life they want.

They don’t settle and they don’t hide. They create.

We would love to help you become less wishy-washy, more deliberate, more calm and more confident and in your opinions and who you are as a man.

Come and join us, either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program with other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now in our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.

Find out more about our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self realization.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what I want for you brother,

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.

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The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

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