How to Make the Hardest Decision of Your Life

Each day I day talk to men on the hairy edge of making a decision.

They may be stuck in the “Limbo Land” of a marriage that is spiraling out of control with no resolution in sight.

Or they may feel trapped in a job or career that is sucking their soul out of their body on a daily basis.

Or they want to speak their truth to somebody so badly it’s eating them alive and keeping them in a dark, angry place.

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How do you make a hard decision?

How do you break free from the fear of outcome and the fear of someone’s reaction?

The answer is to simply make your NEXT decision. Just make it.

Just do it. Just say it. Just state exactly what you’re thinking and what you want.

The act of making a decision ALWAYS CREATES MOVEMENT IN SOME DIRECTION.

The frustration of indecision is caused by the fear that nothing will ever change. But if you decide to create movement…something will change. And if you decide to do nothing…nothing will change.

The most common challenge I hear is, “Yeah but what if the change I create is something WORSE than I’ve got right now?!”

My answer is, “Really? You’re absolutely miserable right now and you’re afraid of being more miserable?”

We are the creators of our own misery.

The decision to not make a decision or to change our circumstance is a decision to stay in our current state.

There is usually some hidden benefit we get by deciding to stay in our current state. We get to blame someone. Or we get to stay in certain misery instead of uncertain happiness.

Eight days ago my brother made the hardest decision of his life. He stewed for 10 years. He had many reasons for not making a decision.

But he finally had enough. Find out more in the video below:

YouTube video

The point here is that when you have a really, really tough decision to make that you’re agonizing over, that you’re analyzing and you’re finding yourself paralyzed by it, where you wake up every morning pissed at yourself for not making a decision and  you wish you could just make a damn decision, but you need more data, you need more reassurance, you need more certainty…you need something!

Well, sometimes you get to a place where you know that no matter what happens after you make a decision, you’re going to be able to figure it out.

We talk a lot about confidence and often I ask the men I speak to when I’m coaching them, “Do you have some level of confidence that no matter what happens, you’re going to somehow figure it out?”

There’s a book that Dr. Henry Cloud wrote called Necessary Endings, and in it he says that, in life, sometimes we have to deliberately allow bad things to end before any good things can come along and take their place.

It’s a leap of faith.

Something I know for sure is that when a man makes a decision, he creates kinetic energy..momentum…movement. When you make a decision, all of a sudden, things move. Whenever you make a decision, something breaks loose.

It could be something you need to say to your wife or something you want to say to your boss, but staying quiet, mulling around living in fear, and worrying about the worst possible outcome is almost always worse than making a decision.

I always say “no decision is permanent.”

So make a decision.

You can always make another decision.

My business partner Tim Wade just got back from a vacation with his ex wife and daughters.

He made a decision to get divorced, but he is still seeing her and they slept together in a king sized bed – they’re having a fine time.

One thing Mark Drezga, one of my coaches said recently was, “The decision to divorce is no more an indicator of the end of your marriage than the decision to get married was for a lifetime of love.”

Every decision you make, just requires another decision.

So when you have the toughest decision of your life to make – make your next best decision. Move into it boldly, and then see what happens.

“Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.” ~ Dr. Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings

A friend told me to read the book Necessary Endings during my divorce 7 years ago. At first I was pissed off at the casual suggestion that “some things just need to end”.

But I’ve learned it doesn’t necessarily mean your marriage needs to end.

What normally needs to end are the established patterns of thinking, speaking and behaving.

What needs to end is our chronic level of fear caused by insecurity and emotional immaturity. This applies to both sides of a relationship.

I’ve learned when a man DECIDES to begin working on his own dysfunctional thinking and behavior, other things start changing immediately.

In other words, when you DECIDE to make clear, deliberate changes in yourself…everything around starts to change to.

And THAT is the movement we need to start feeling like we have more confidence and control in our life than ever before.

And that is a feeling of liberation. The boulder falls off your shoulders just like my brother said in the video.

It’s a feeling of freedom to start creating something brand new.

If you want to become a man who wants to start creating something brand new in your life, we want to help you get there. Come and join us – get involved with this amazing community of men that Dan and I are creating. We guarantee you will get a shift in perspective and feel a whole lot better by the end of your first conversation.

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and Steve host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

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author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

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