This article may piss off a few people…but I don’t care.
Tough love is hard to swallow and I’ve had to swallow my fair share.
When is the BEST time to ask a woman for sex?
Answer: When you don’t NEED it.
The worst time to ask for a job, a loan, a date or sex is when you desperately think you NEED it. People smell this a mile away and it shows up in your eyes, your voice, your body and even the muscles in your jaw.
Too simple you say? I think not.
This is a UNIVERSAL principle that applies in nearly every facet of life, business and relationships.
If you are pursuing something with an underlying fear, insecurity or dependence on an outcome you are virtually assured of not getting it.
And even if you do, you probably won’t enjoy it.
Obligation sex anyone? Yeah, it’s much worse than no sex at all.
So, what’s the answer?
Learn how to become “rejection proof”.
This means we must learn to become more OUTCOME INDEPENDENT in our pursuit of the things we want.
When we detach from getting a “Yes” and rewire our brain to no longer fear rejection, everything we want is a little easier to get.
Watch this video because I dive deeper into this counter-intuitive phenomenon.
I know, I know, saying that “The perfect time to ask a woman for sex is when you don’t need it” seems overly simple, but this applies to EVERYTHING!
The best time to look for a job you want is when you don’t really need it.
The best time to ask for a loan, is when you don’t really, really need the money.
The best time to ask for a date, is when you don’t really need it.
The best time to ask for sex is when you don’t need it.
Of course the key word here is NEED.
I’ve often talked about neediness. One of my most popular videos was called “Why you need to stop chasing women“ and talked about why you should, instead, spend your time chasing your own sense of self worth and self confidence.
Some people got upset with that video and said “If I don’t ever chase women, how am I ever going to get laid?” and “If I don’t chase women, how am I ever going to have a relationship?”. They were worried that they would just have to sit in their bedroom and masturbate for the rest of their lives.
And they missed the point.
My point was that you shouldn’t chase women because when you’re chasing women from a place of neediness, you’re never going to get anywhere.
You need to be chasing your own sense of confidence, your calm, cool sense of worthiness and self respect, because when you get that, EVERYTHING becomes easier.
So now you can understand WHY the best time to ask a woman for sex, is when you don’t really need it.
It’s OK to want it.
In fact it’s great to want sex.
It’s great to want a date.
It’s great to want women.
I believe in relationships.
I believe in healthy men and healthy women getting together and pursuing each other for connection and support and attraction, affection, sex…I totally approve of you pursuing women, but ONLY from a healthy place.
If you do it from an unhealthy place, the results will be disastrous.
This is all about the fear of rejection.
When we go to ask for something and we’re afraid we’re not going to get it, our body tenses up, every cell in our body takes on a different position, we get tense, we get fearful, we get apprehensive about what’s going to happen and people can sense this.
Whether you’re asking for a loan, asking for a job, asking for a date, or asking a woman for sex. If you NEED it and you FEAR rejection, it’s going to cause the whole transaction to go bad, because everybody can smell the fear of rejection and they can smell the neediness.
There is some research out there that says rejection is a real big deal. When you fear rejection and then you get rejected, it triggers a part of the brain that actually is associated with real physical pain. Getting punched in the gut feels a lot like you feel when you get rejected.
So how can you change the way you think about rejection?
How can you change the way your brain works and processes the idea of getting a no when you go to ask for a job, money or sex?
Well there’s this book on this topic that I really, really like which is also a fun read. It’s by a guy named Jia Jiang and it’s called Rejection Proof.
How do you get to a place where the word no doesn’t bother you anymore? Where you can feel more calm and cool when you’re inviting somebody for a date or you go to ask for a job or you request sex with your partner.
How can you get to the point where “No” doesn’t trigger that part of your brain that makes it hurt so badly?
In the book I just mentioned, the author takes on 100 crazy tasks, the most ridiculous, outlandish things in the world, to train himself to continue pursuing things that he wants with no ATTACHMENT to the outcome.
That’s what I want you to get out of this article – the perfect time to ask a woman for sex, is when you have no attachment to her yes. No attachment to the outcome.
My business coach always tells me that “Yes lives in the land of no.”
Everyone wants to say no to everything. When you approach someone with a question, their first thought is always “How can I say no?”
In our men’s coaching programs we help you to understand that wen you feel worthy in your own skin, when you feel full of confidence and self respect and you have this cool calm mountain lion energy about you, you realize that you can ask for anything and not be attached to the answer and that’s going to be the most successful place that you ever come from when you’re trying to achieve something.
Whether you want a job, money, a date or sex…when you come from a place of not needing it, being detached from the outcome, where you’re not afraid of rejection; EVERYTHING will change for you I promise you that.
Here’s the link to that video I mentioned about not chasing women – go watch that so that you understand more about what were talking about here…
How to get into a place of self-reliance where you can self-source your sense of validation, worthiness and personal masculine value, you don’t get so caught up in getting no’s. In fact you have more fun with it. You just ask for what you want.
How do you learn to not FEAR REJECTION?
One of the most important things we coach men through is their fear of rejection.
Why is this so important?
Because fear paralyzes us. Fear hurts. Rejection can feel like a kick in the nuts when you are thinking about it the wrong way.
But…rejection is almost never ALL ABOUT YOU.
When you begin to realize the reasons people say “No”, you can easily detach from the rejection and not take it personally.
And when you learn the psychology behind a person’s “No”, you can feel empowered and emboldened to ask for what you want without fear.
Yes, even in the bedroom.
The result is a feeling of liberation from the anxiety, resentment and anger that often accompanies an outcome dependent mindset. Calm confidence takes the place of that knot in your gut. And that feels amazing.
This is EXACTLY what you will develop if you decide to do the work.
Most guys won’t choose to do the work until the pain of living their life as they are now is GREATER than the fear of looking inside themselves.
I promise you…it’s not that scary in there. Here’s what one guy just sent me about that.
“I continue to find it interesting how (these concepts) become a reality for me. I see it as a process, first with agreeing with it, then thinking you are living it, then living it a little, then finally you realize a point of 100% of being it. It is such a drastic feeling, calm peaceful, lacking nervousness about it. The concept I have just 100% welcomed is that of not having expectations or expected outcomes. So interesting how the blast of clarity comes right through us.”
How do you chase your own sense of self-confidence, self-worth and be able to stay consistent and secure in your self-esteem even when you’re in the middle of a rejection or a conflict?
That’s what we help guys understand and start living here at Goodguys2Greatmen. That’s our passion.
We want to help you rediscover the aliveness that’s available in your future.
We want you to know that the pain and frustration that you may be feeling right now doesn’t define you. It doesn’t define your future. You have more control than you think.
We’d love to have a conversation with you about this.
When we have a conversation, they can go 60 or 90 minutes and we cover everything that’s going on in your life. Everything she’s said, everything you’re feeling…
And what we want you to do, is walk away from this phone call, feeling like you have a glimmer of hope, that maybe the way you were thinking before the call was driving you into a pit of despair and we want to pull you out of that, at least for a day.
How do you learn how to be calm, confident and rejection proof?
It’s done with the help of other men who have traveled your path. You must surround yourself with men who can help you change your mindset, your perspective and, ultimately, how you FEEL ABOUT YOU.
The problem most of us have is that we have no men in our lives to talk to about this who get it, have been through it and come out the other side. We’ve got nobody we can trust to give us clear feedback and positive support and guidance.
So what’s next?
We’ve created some powerfully EFFECTIVE experiences that promise to give you the calm, confident, peaceful mojo you want.
The very FASTEST way to change the way you’re thinking and find your confidence again is to join other men doing the same thing.
Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 50% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
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