How To Go From Insecure To Confident Husband

Have you been called insecure, or had someone say you need to “man up” or “be more confident? In this article I teach you what I had to learn to transform my insecurities and become a confident husband and a confident man in every area of my life.

When I got started in the business of coaching men ten years ago I hired a pretty pricey coach.

I expressed to him my concerns, doubts and fears about my ability to actually do this for a living and quit my 30 year history of working for someone else.

I knew “who I was” in the world of management, project execution and corporate gamesmanship. I was actually pretty good at it. It was comfortable because it was so damn easy for me.

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I told my coach about this nagging voice in my head asking me:

Who the hell are YOU to quit your comfy, regular job and start a business at age 50?!

I answered, “Good point! I must be nuts. Who would hire ME as a coach? And what do I know about being an entrepreneur? I have zero historical evidence that I could possibly succeed at helping other men live better lives AND make a business of it.”

When I told my coach this his only reply was, “Well, who the hell ARE you?”

And that was the beginning of a new conversation in my head.

Nobody ever asked me that before and really cared about my answer.

I Was Never Challenged To Clearly Define ME.

What do I believe? What do I stand for? What are my unique and inherent strengths? What scares me? What are my bad habits? What am I willing to do that nobody else will to do get what I want.

And most importantly, he kicked my ass to get very clear about the powerful story of what I want to create for my life before my brain turned to mush. (I thought a coach would be “nicer”, but he wasn’t my friend, he was there to challenge my thinking)

It was a long overdue ass-kicking. And the process of getting CLEAR wasn’t easy. I began to see my habit of avoiding things that aren’t easy.

But when I got clear…I mean really clear…the doubtful, fearful voices began to change.

And it wasn’t motivational poster crap like, “You’re so awesome!”

When I got clear about my true capacity to organize, initiate, follow though, create and connect with people I care about the new voices would say:

“Well, If Not YOU…Then WHO?”

Who was more ready, more qualified and more passionate than I was to become who I wanted to become? Nobody. That’s who.

If you’ve ever wondered what Goodguys2Greatmen does for men, it’s essentially just that.

We teach you how to change your thinking so you can finally carry yourself as the creator, master and commander of your own life…no matter what is happening around you.

In other words, YOU happen to life. Not the other way around.

I got a new dog yesterday and invented a reason to put him in this video. I occurred to me that “Jace” does not know who the hell he is yet.

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How to BE a More Confident Man (It Starts With This)

A Confident Husband Clearly Knows Who He Is

You may wonder why this “knowing who you are” thing is so important when we talk about women, marriage, love and sex.

It’s important because it’s the entire lack of clarity about who you are that is at the root of virtually all conflict, all arguments and all stupid, over-the-top reactions.

If you only see yourself as the dependable providing husband and dedicated father, you’re in for some trouble. Most men have a very narrow view of their role and narrow expectations for themselves.

When we’re unclear, we:

  • Argue about anything
  • Take everything personally
  • Get needy and jealous
  • Can’t even stand ourselves

So, let’s talk about getting clear.

Here’s what I want you to consider giving yourself.

It’s the gift of clarity, confidence and reinvigorated mojo.

Many husbands make the mistake of needing their wife to get clear. He wants her to get clear about her feelings for him, clear about if she wants to stay in the marriage, clear about her emotions. She’s feminine. She’s supposed to be in constant change. A passive man changes into a confident husband when he gets off her roller-coaster and gets razor sharp, crystal clear, direct and certain about who he is and where he’s going.

Do you want to talk immediately to a professional coach who can kick your ass in a really great way? Then go HERE.

Do you want to learn in private and be coached via video and connect with a private group of men facing similar marriage struggles 24/7? Then you will want our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb

Or do you want the experience of connecting with the men of the GG2GM Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where you will meet live three times monthly and get 24/7 private Facebook support?

The funny thing about getting clear about who you are and what you want is that you NOW know what it is you must DO.

Inspired action is what changes everything.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

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