Dealing With PTSD From Your Wife’s Affair?

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Do you feel like you’re dealing with PTSD symptoms from your wife’s affair? It’s sadly a very common experience many men are struggling through, managing the triggers and overwhelming feelings of your wife cheating or from her lack of care, consideration and honesty. So what can you do? How do we help men with this very real and painful period in their lives?

Feeling Triggered By PTSD From Your Wife’s Affair

Every single man in my community is painfully aware of what “Marital PTSD” means.

It’s that gutted feeling of loss, sadness and fear.

And just like in war, some of us recover and move on and some of us don’t.

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What’s the difference between these two guys?

It’s our ability to see deeper into the GIFT being offered.

And it’s the determination to NOT ALLOW the circumstances to own us while we rise from the ashes like the Phoenix.

I call this Post-Traumatic Growth or PTG.

Marital Post-Traumatic Growth

Every single man we work with eventually reaches a vantage point and perspective where he sees everything differently.

And it’s with these new “glasses” that he can finally see the gift, the growth and the POSSIBILITIES of how he will move forward.

Once he gains a new perspective, he is able to experience PTG.

Watch this video for a little more detail.

YouTube video

Could Divorce Ever Be a Gift? (it depends on your perspective)

“When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves.”~ Viktor E. FranklMan’s Search for Meaning

Allow me to say this as plainly as possible. No more lofty quotes.

After the shell shock of hearing “I want space.” or “I’m not in love with you.” or “I think we need to divorce.” is over, you have only ONE effective choice to make.

That choice is to learn something and grow from it.

Experiencing PTSD After Her Affair Is Common With Men

I know your first instinct is to scream, argue, analyze, investigate and FIX things so you can get back to your regularly scheduled program.

Here’s a message from the Emergency Broadcast System:

It’s too late. You’re already into a new program. The old program has been canceled.

The next questions are always WHAT should I do? And HOW can I see this in any other way than total devastation??

You could write a book to answer those questions. Actually, I did.

Let me give you the CliffNotes version in this next paragraph.

What You Should Be Doing And How

  • You should step back and stop what you’re doing right now. Just stop.
  • Release all pressure including angry outbursts, accusations, arguing and those long, deep, heavy conversations.
  • Find at least ONE initiated man who has already been in this war and emerged victoriously and talk with him regularly.
  • Take a deeeep breath and begin a spiritual journey of knowing ALL good things in your life will come from leaning into discomfort and looking for the gift and opportunity.
  • Decide you WILL learn from this and figure out how to change yourself in the face of unchangeable circumstances.
  • BELIEVE deep in your heart that you’re okay at this moment and you will be okay…no matter what happens.

That last one is especially important and especially difficult for many men.

They have no basis for this belief and, therefore, no ability to even imagine being “okay” in any other scenario than the one they were expecting.

In coaching, we are able to DIVE MUCH DEEPER into those expectations and those insecure feelings of abandonment, rejection and emotional evisceration. As I mention in the video, a man can reach a vantage point in this process that LIBERATES him from those feelings.

Sadness? Yes. Guilt? Yep. Regret? Almost certainly.

But shame, suffering and illusions of devastation are a CHOICE.

And therein lies the big secret.

Change Your Thoughts And You Will Change Your Reality

If a man crashed into you on the street would your feelings change if you realized he was blind? What really changed? YOUR THINKING. PTSD after her affair can put your confidence on eggshells. Looking through the “new glasses” of clarity can free you.  Dan Dore and I would love you to join us at that vantage point. The view here is awesome.

If you don’t want to do this all by yourself, here are some great options for you:

You can choose to join me and Dan Dore in the GG2GM Live Men’s Roundtable. We meet twice a month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful secret Facebook group of 80 men. It’s a $69 investment. Try it for one month. Bet you can’t do just one month!

You can confront your fear of asking for help and ask for a free consultation call to dive long and deep into what you want and get some immediate ideas on how to create that.

So…let me ask you two questions.

What are you THINKING right now?

What OTHER thoughts are actually more true and more empowering for you?

P.S. If you haven’t yet read my book, Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband you can find it HERE.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.

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