The Path From Feeling Anxious and Frustrated to a Calmer, Sexier Man

Here’s one fact I know about a man’s sex life.

If he spends much time feeling anxious, agitated, irritated, overwhelmed or angry…he isn’t having much sex.


Simple. When we’re feeling those emotions we’re just not very sexy men. I know what you’re thinking. Sometimes sex is the BEST remedy for those ailments.

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I agree! But if your mood is really shitty at the moment, self remedy is probably the only good option.

How do you get yourself out of a perpetual shitty mood and learn to relax and be your normal, sexy self again?

I have no idea how YOU do it. I only know about me and I’ll share that below.

As I explain in this video, one way to deal with a pattern of anxiety, agitation and anger is to imagine a better version of yourself.

YouTube video

We can find ourselves feeling angry, agitated or anxious, but how we handle these moments can have a huge impact in our self-confidence and on our relationships.

Right now we have a snowstorm here and I have a whole bunch of stuff I need to get done today but the power is out, the Internet is out, the phone is out – everything is out!

And so I feel overwhelmed. My monkey mind is processing real fast.

“I’ve got to get this week’s video done”

“I need to get the newsletter sent out”

“There are 20 emails I still need to reply to today”

“And my computer isn’t working!”

“I have loads of crap I need to finish today and it all needs power!!!!”

I went downstairs to shoot this week’s video and I went to turn the light on…of course it didn’t come on!

So I’m there saying “God damn it, what am I going to do?!”

Do you ever get that feeling? That feeling of overwhelm, anxiety or the monkey chatter in your mind?

A lot of us guys do.

There’s a lot of content out on the web talking about how to get through anxiety and the monkey chatter.

When I talk to guys about this I like to use really straightforward language.

Meditation is a real thing, getting calm, finding your center, all the woo woo stuff you hear about regarding how to relax and get more grounded, get into the flow – how you do it is important because it has to be done in a way that works for you.

I’ve tried to meditate the way other people have said to do it, I’ve tried morning routines the way some people have said to do it, but it’s just not me, I can’t do it.

I can’t diet the way that other people say you’re supposed to diet. I have to do it my way.

So I want to share “my way” with you.

Below is a link to an audio recording I made a couple of years ago. It’s a guided meditation and I want you to listen to it, not so that you can learn how to do it my way, it’s for you to hear how I processed my way of thinking about who I wanted to be, how I wanted to relax and get into the slower frame of thought.

It’s a story about a time when I was about 14 and working with my uncle and all of a sudden the pickup truck that we were in, stopped. We were on our way home, we were tired, it was dark and on the interstate, the truck just stopped and so he pulled over.

I really remember how calm he was. I was afraid. I was worrying about a semi coming up behind us and slamming into the truck and killing us right there.

So I made this guided meditation about what happened during the next 20 minutes as I watched how my uncle handled this situation and how it had a profound affect on me.

It’s about being that guy. The guy who knows who he is and what he needs to do.

One wrench and a few minutes later, he just whistled as he fixed the problem and got back in the truck.

It was that point when I realized “I want to be more like that. I want to be more calm. I want to be more self-assured. I want to be more confident. I want to know more so I can handle things with that level of calm confidence.”

So that’s what I did.

And now I want to share that with you.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or anxious or you feel like you’re always in your head questioning what your next decision or next action should be then this might help you.

It’s time to get centered.

You have to learn how to do it for yourself, I can’t do it for you but I can show you how I did it and how I still do it.

Here’s the link to my guided meditation.

Will meditation actually improve your sex life?

Probably not…not all by itself. But I can guarantee you that if you don’t learn how to relax – to be more calm and confident – and to stop REACTING to triggers instead of RESPONDING to them…sex will be very hard to come by.

First things first.

Get that under control and if your sex life doesn’t improve, shoot me an email to schedule a time to talk.

Or if you’re ready to get serious – I mean – really serious…then you’ll want to join me, my colleague Dan Dore and a group of great men who meet online twice a month to discuss this kind of thing and to help each other grow and develop into the mature man we know we can be.

We love to help men understand when they’ve been searching for solutions to their anxiety and frustrations in the wrong places. When a man gets this, it can have a huge affect on the connection and affection he enjoys in his relationships.

We would love to help transform you into a calm, confident man in the areas of your life where you’re struggling right now.

90 days is all it takes with our intense 1-on-1 coaching program, either with my colleague Dan Dore or me.

Or come and try our coaching yourself through our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable. Find out more about our Roundtable group coaching sessions here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self-realization.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what I want for you brother,

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.

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