I know what it’s like to be thinking “My Wife Doesn’t Want Me” and just how hard it is to be in a committed romantic relationship with someone who is keeping you at arms length all the time.
Here is the most common answer to question #1 on my application for free coaching consultations.
The question is:
In the next 6 months, what changes do you MOST want to see in your life and relationship?
After reading over 1000 answers we can almost predict the first few sentences.
“I want to have my wife desire me again. I want her to trust me again. I want to have the easy intimacy and affection we used to have. I want to stop worrying about her commitment and walking on eggshells and get back the confidence I used to feel before all this started. Right now we’re no more than roommates.”
You may say, “Damn, it’s like he’s living in my house!”
The good news is that if you’re thinking those things you’re not alone. Not only that…you’re in very good company with hundreds of smart, high quality men just like you.
Let me explain how these guys start making the changes they most want to see in their life and marriage.
It all starts with getting clarity on who they really want to be.
Getting out of the friend zone with your wife will require you to find another zone for yourself.
When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone. You were something new, mysterious, independently confident, self-respecting, self-motivated and unpredictable.
You were something OTHER.
And that’s what most of us lose track of once we’re in a relationship.
We adopt a familiar rhythm of domestic duties, care taking and money making obligations until we lose all the sexual tension and polarity we started with.
In other words, we allow our role as a husband, father and consummate employee or business owner to numb our very sense of what it means to be our own man on a mission.
The men who succeed in making the changes they want discover it’s totally possible to create a continuing sense of “otherness” in their relationship. But they must pay close attention to all the ways they might be sabotaging themselves.
I explain this more in this video.
Here’s why this may sound ridiculous to you.
By the time we get settled into our familiar routines, repetitious conversations and predictable relationship habits we start believing this is just how it is for everyone.
No. It’s not. It doesn’t need to be.
This may sound ridiculous because it feels totally counter-intuitive that becoming less predictable, more self-focused, less attached and more mysterious could help you create the changes you want.
It’s this twisted truth that successful men seem to understand.
And in their own unique ways they begin making small changes…one day at a time…finding a new “lane” for themselves.
And in the process of doing this they become something OTHER than they’ve been in years.
And it’s this process that gives him the hope, strength and motivation to invite his wife into a whole new level of relationship.
Something OTHER than what they had. Something much better.
I would have NEVER been able to learn this process without the help of other men who traveled before me.
The single biggest reason men fail in the process of change is because they isolate themselves and try to do it alone.
It just doesn’t work that way. You need men. Good men. Smart men.
Here are two ways you can join our community and get started today…not tomorrow.
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
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