When She Says ‘Be The Man’ Can You Ask Her to ‘Be The Woman’?

It’s a logical question. Can you ask her to “Woman Up”?

It’s tough always being the man in your marriage.

Guys often tell me they are asked to be the man by their wives who claim to need more of this and less of that.

“Pay attention to my needs and do that man thing you do so I can feel what I need to feel!”.

I wrote a recent article about it where I described what many women want when they say “I need you to be the man in our marriage.”

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Then comes an obvious question from a married guy.

What the hell? Do I get to tell her I need her to be the woman?

Good question. This is what I told him.

Damn right you do. You have every right to express your needs and explain to her how it feels when she is being a woman who meets those needs. Why the heck not? Because it feels a little scary, doesn’t it? You can’t do it if you’re not feeling strong. An emotionally strong man can say what he wants, what he needs and what he expects because he doesn’t give a f*ck what she thinks about it.

He cares deeply about her feelings, thoughts and dreams. He just doesn’t care how she reacts to his.

And, oddly, women LOVE that guy. Not an ass. Not a jerk. Just a guy who is so emotionally strong and comfy in his own skin that fear of her – fear of discomfort – fear of rejection are not on his radar.

He likes and respects himself more than he needs her to like and respect him. And because of that he can ask for whatever it is he needs without fear.

A guy like that is irresistible to women. She assumes he can stand up to her. He can handle her emotions. Protect her. Not only can he take her rollercoaster of storms – he can take her when he wants to.

“Yeah, right. That won’t work. She knows me too well.”

You didn’t ask me to help you “make something work”. You asked me if you could speak up for yourself and tell her what you need.

Those are two different questions.

The problem with many husbands these days (I was one) is that they are overly invested in “what works” – focused on a particular outcome – avoiding failure.

The most important thing about being an emotionally strong man is that you truly don’t give f*ck if it’s “working” or not.

The outcome is never as important as your investment in becoming a man who boldly asks for what he wants and creates the life he wants. The consequences of becoming that man in your marriage are uncertain. Don’t let uncertainty paralyze you from being who you’ve always wanted to be.

A husband who walks on eggshells creates much more tension and uncertainty than one who refuses to.

How to Become a No-Eggshell Walking Bad Ass

This is the only remedy known to man.

You become emotionally strong by working with other men. Talking, thinking, working, laughing and even crying with other men. Initiated men who have already crushed a million eggshells and found a much easier way.

Seriously working with other men is like an “emotional gym” where we get to build muscle and strength. It creates clarity and with that comes a change in perspective. And with that comes confidence.

With confidence comes decisions. That allows inspired action.

These are the actions of a man who experiences his well-being not by “what’s working” or how she is reacting to him. His well-being is already inside of him – always has been- always will be.

To feel it, all he needs to do is learn to laugh at the eggshells and walk on the path he was meant to travel. The outcome will take care of itself.

What’s “Be the Woman” Mean to You?

Let’s play in the comments section.

If you were to say, “I need you to be the woman in our relationship”…share what that specifically means to you.

I’ll join in with my two cents too.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

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Photo Ana Martinez/Flickr

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

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