All the Intimacy You Want With ONE Habit (and why you don’t have it yet)

Table of Contents

How do you get all the intimacy you want?

You don’t. Nobody really “gets” intimacy unless they are paying for it

Let’s talk about your intimate life.

A lack of intimacy in your relationship is one of the most hopeless feelings you will ever feel. It is the source of overwhelming emotions of resentment, anger, impatience, and frustration.

A relationship starved of intimacy is rich with hurt feelings, heavy conversations that never end well, and quick tempers triggered by otherwise harmless words or actions by your partner.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

It’s not always the lack of physical intimacy that is to blame. You may also be seriously disconnected when it comes to emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, and spiritual intimacy.

You want to “get” more sex.
You want to “have” a better connection.
You want to “feel” more respected.
You want to “find” your soul mate.

What is the one thing all four statements have in common?

They all require little to no action on your part.

If you are thinking that sex is something you GET, you will soon feel resentment.

If you think an intimate connection is something you simply HAVE, you will soon feel frustration.

If you think that FEELING respected is an entitlement, you will soon feel anger.

And you may die of impatience waiting to FIND your spiritual soul mate.

But, there IS a way to solve this problem forever. Wherever you go or whoever you are with you will no longer feel like intimacy is something you must get, have, feel, or find!

Other articles you may find helpful:

Trying to Make Your Wife Happy Won’t Get You What You Want
How Do I Make My Wife Fun Again?

How will this happen?

Intimacy is Not Something We GET – It is Something We CREATE

People who enjoy a life of sexual satisfaction, emotional connection, mutual respect, and spiritual fulfillment have learned to adopt this habit on a consistent basis.

It is up to you to CREATE the intimacy you desire.

I know, it may sound like I’m on my “high horse” here. But I’m telling you this with humble regret that it’s taken me too (expletive deleted) long to finally figure this out. I’ve spent decades trying to GET, HAVE, FEEL, and FIND. It just doesn’t work. Never has. Never will.

And I want to pass the secret on to you.

None of us should be surprised at this. We are keenly aware of how fragile relationships are and how tenuous those close, loving feelings can be. We have experienced how quickly the people in our lives will withdraw, shut down, and detach themselves from us when they feel hurt or threatened.

If it only takes a few negative words or actions to destroy intimacy, then it must be possible for a few POSITIVE words and actions to CREATE it.

If that’s True Then Why Don’t I Just Do It?

The truth?

You’re chicken. Really, that’s the bottom line. The cold, hard truth.

Scared of what, you ask?

Other articles you may find helpful:

Why Your Wife is Not Interested in Sex and Affection
Relationships after 50: She Says She Wants Space? Help for Men Struggling in Their Relationship!

You’re scared of the same things that scare ALL of us every day.

Creating intimacy requires you to reveal ourselves and our vulnerabilities.
Creating intimacy requires unqualified acceptance, respect, and love.
Creating intimacy requires you to admit your own imperfections and willingness to work on them.
Creating intimacy requires you to think, say, and DO things out of love without regard for the outcome.
Creating intimacy requires you to GIVE the very BEST part of yourself to your partner without waiting for them to do something first.

This is some “risky behavior”. You don’t know what will happen. How will they react? Maybe they won’t like you. Maybe they will like you too much. Maybe you’re not sure you WANT to save this relationship.

Scary shit, right?

How Exactly Do You Propose I Do This?

Really? You want detailed instructions? Good, that’s my specialty.

Here’s some homework. These may not be tailor fit for you or necessarily appropriate at this point in your life. Custom fit, extremely personal solutions is what comes out of our conversations when we work together.

However, consider these ideas. Before your feet hit the carpet tomorrow morning, make a commitment to yourself to at least TRY one of these ideas. The more uncomfortable it feels to you the more important it is for you to practice.

Emotional Intimacy

Tell her/him, “Sweetie, I’ve been getting wrapped up in the daily grind and work deadlines. I need to take time to tell you how much I appreciate and respect all the things you do to keep things together. You’re amazing and I’m a lucky man. You make me want to be better for you.” Then do something different. Start being more attentive. Watch your language and tone. Acknowledge and appreciate more frequently. Give more loving touches without expectation.

Sexual Intimacy

Tell her/him, “Baby, I know our sex life hasn’t been exactly what either of us knows it could be. For me, working on that means showing you how much I love you in many other ways than just sex. That’s my plan you sexy thing!” Kiss. Big hug. Eye contact. Smile. Walk away. Then keep your promise. Be consistent. No expectations. When she/he is ready, rock their world!

Intellectual Intimacy

Ask a detailed question about a book she/he is reading. What about the subject interests them? Or, ask something off the wall like, “What do you think about the possibility of life on other planets?” Or, “If you could go back to school with time and money being no object, what classes might you take?” Then, listen. Then listen some more. Share your thought and dreams. Nothing is out of bounds. No judgment. No criticism.

Spiritual Intimacy

If you are active in religious or other spiritual practices, tell her/him exactly how that affects you on a daily basis. Describe where they fit into your spirituality and how important they are in your life. If you both have interests in spiritual growth, try leading the way by organizing a class or retreat getaway. Discuss the spiritual values you share that shape your relationship and commitment to each other.

Are you going to do this? Will you try to make one of these your own?

How about some accountability?

Send me an email telling me how it went within one week. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll assume you chickened out.

Advanced Work…When You’re Ready

Other articles you may find helpful:

How to BE More Masculine and Create the Relationship You Want
How to Respond to Your Wife Criticising You as a Powerful, Confident Man

I hope you find these type of emails useful the very day you get them. I send them without expectations. I’m being vulnerable. You may hate me and my message. You might unsubscribe.

I’m speaking to you from a place of compassion in my heart and you might kick me to the curb. I remember a time when that would have killed me. While I care a LOT about what you think, I just don’t care what you think about ME.

I’m not out to get you as a client. I want to create a relationship with you so that you understand what the possibilities are for you to transform yourself and your relationships.

Whether you start this work with me, someone else, or on your own doesn’t matter. Starting is all that matters.

No improvement can happen without action. No growth is possible without failure.

It is only by taking action, failing, and learning that your success is even possible.

The advanced work of becoming the man or woman you were meant to be can be scary. But past clients will reassure you that it is the most rewarding, mind bending, growth you can imagine.

Let me know when you’re ready for a long conversation.

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

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What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

You won’t find negative, hateful language.
You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

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