My Wife Said I’m Controlling, What Do I Do Now?

Sometimes we get our best ideas at the most awkward times…like on the toilet.

There I was, reading an old issue of Rolling Stones magazine and an interview with the late Glenn Frey of the band The Eagles. My favorite band of all time, by the way.

Anyway, I read a quote he made during an interview and it gave me a flash of insight – an idea – and there was no pen in sight.

The interviewer commented how amazing it was that the band could so closely reproduce in live concert the perfect vocal harmonies and instrumentation they achieved on their records.

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Glenn said, “Yeah, with so many variables you can’t control everything…but we do control everything we can. It’s good knowing the worst we’ll ever be is great.”

I love that! The worst we’ll ever be is great.

That’s going to be the title of my next book.

The Title of My Next Book“The Worst You’ll Ever Be Is Great”

Subtitle: “How to be consistently calm, confident and happy by controlling the only thing that really matters.”

I made this fake cover just to tell “the universe” I’m freakin’ serious about this. Sometime you gotta do stuff like that when you’re inspired and need to make yourself commit to action.

The book will be about the critical importance of seeing yourself as the commander of your own thoughts and responses to negative circumstances. It will also explain how to achieve true “outcome independence” without being a total ass.

That’s actually all the control you will ever need.

Once a man gets this, he sees EXTERNAL VARIABLES as just that – things he can’t control, therefore, he is free to LET THEM GO.

More about that in this video.

YouTube video

I had an insight when I read that article today. Sometimes an insight makes you go “Holy crap, I can’t believe it” and other times they sound more like “Hmmmm…….wow.”

“The worst that we’ll ever be is great.”

I kinda like the bravado in that. But what he said, “You can’t control everything but those things that you can control, you should” – that’s what stood out to me.

What does this mean to you and me?

Well, I work with men who are often feeling a lack of control. They don’t have a clear direction on where they’re going, who they are, how they’re going to change the situation that they’re in – often times a relationship or failing marriage – anything that can go wrong, negatively, sometimes you feel like you’re a victim of it.

What is the one thing that it’s OK to control?

You can’t control the people around you.

you can’t control what they’re doing and what they’re thinking.

You can’t control what they believe in or what their guiding principles or values are.

So what can you control?

There is ONE thing that we CAN control and that is HOW WE RESPOND to the circumstances right in front of us.

I work with men who are like me, where we have had things happen in our lives such as infidelity, a failing marriage, losing your job, losing a loved one, losing money, whatever it is that causes you this sense of crisis, a sense of trauma, a sense of loss or feeling like you’re a victim of circumstance and you can’t do anything about it.

The most important thing to know about being a control freak is to LET GO of all of the things you can’t control and to pay attention to the one thing that matters, the only thing that really matters and that is how you are thinking about what’s happening.

How are you processing the thoughts you’re having about the negativity going on in front of you?

What meaning are you placing on those events?

Whether a woman is being cold and distant from you, whether she’s cheated on you, whether you’re getting divorced, whether people are disrespecting you at work, whether you’ve just lost out on a new promotion, HOW YOU THINK about these things is the most powerful place to be when you do it proactively.

You can do it from a VICTIM mindset and start blaming everyone for doing things to you, or you can have a CREATOR mindset that says “I get to respond to this a certain way.”

This is mentioned in a book called Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor Frankl who was in a Nazi concentration camp. He was there for a long, long time, but he got through it and later became a psychotherapist and wrote this book.

One thing he learned in the concentration camp was that nobody could take away his thoughts and the response that he had to what was happening to him.

And so what happened was that when he became this calmer, clearer, more proactive and deliberate man in how he was handling what was going on around him, he became magnetic. Even the guards in the concentration camp became envious of him, his mindset, his energy and he became a leader even as a prisoner.

So in that book he talked about the most important thing being how you respond to something, again, this is the ONLY thing you can control.

So the ONLY time it’s OK to be a control freak is when you decide that you’re going to control, how you are thinking about what’s happening, the meaning you give to it, and the actions that you take afterwards. That’s ALL you have control over.

When you get this at a core level, it’s liberating because all of a sudden, the anxiety and the fear and the anger that is created by things you can’t control goes away and you get calmer in knowing that you ARE taking control of the things you have agency over – those thoughts and then subsequent actions.

That’s the core of our coaching here at Goodguys2Greatmen – understanding that no matter how bad things look now, things can always be better and I just love that quote “The worst you’re ever going to be is great!”

When this becomes your mindset, then the worst you will ever be is great because your perception of being OK and your perception of wellbeing, is ALL manufactured inside your own head.

Once you get this, how you respond to the external circumstances that you used to let jack you up and throw you around changes, now you get to jack them up and throw them around in your own head and respond in a way that brings calm and wellbeing to you.

That’s the key brother.

It’s the path from feeling like a victim to being a creator of your own reality.

I’ve got about 1000 quotes from guys like you to add in the book.

Like this one that came in yesterday:

“I absolutely crushed a job interview for a position in D.C. I was confident, well-spoken and relaxed as I handled every curve ball they threw at me and never stuttered, stumbled or flinched. It felt like the old me busting through and I would be surprised if an offer doesn’t come next week. I’m excited about it because it’s a chance to go back to my playground and do what I do best! I’m more confident than ever, Steve, and whatever happens with this I know it’s going to be fine.”

There is no reason whatsoever, no matter how you feel now and no matter what ANYONE else says or does…that you can’t achieve this level of confidence, happiness and optimism about your current state AND your future.

It all starts with owning your thoughts and your responses.

You can only LEARN this stuff from other men who have gone before you. All you have to do is get inspired and then commit to taking action.

We’ve created many options for men to join the Goodguys2Greatmen community and our movement to build strong, secure, confident men who get to live the life they want.

If you want to get serious about becoming that man, we want to speak with you personally.

We want to spend at least an hour at first to hear your voice, learn about your dreams and coach you through some of the barriers in front of you.

On this call we can offer you immediate tips to change what you’re dealing with right now. This will make you feel calmer…stronger…and more relaxed and measured every day over the holidays.

We can give you details about the options you have for going deeper to transform yourself and current reality.

At the end of the call we fully expect you to say what other men have said.

“Damn, this felt better than a year of counseling! I can’t believe someone really listened to me and understands exactly who I am and where I am!”.

How do you set up this call?


Click HERE to go to the application for your free consultation. We want to know some things about you first and will schedule the call right away. You will be matched up with either to me or one of my certified coaches around the world.

You’re not alone. I promise.

Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 90% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

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We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

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