Why Acting Like a Happily Divorced Man Can Save Your Relationship

Do you know why your unhappy wife secretly notices happily divorced guys? I’m a happily divorced man. The divorce came first – then the happy.

Pain first – then growth. It just doesn’t happen for us the other way around.

This is true for any guy who attains happily divorced man (HDM) status.

First come the pain, confusion, anger, powerlessness…did I say pain… of feeling like a failure. It feels like your guts are in a vice and someone keeps tightening it. You lose your appetite and then weight. Then you lose sleep and ability to focus.

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Your brain is like mush and you can’t concentrate or keep a sane thought in your head.

This is exactly the time when you first realize, “Dang, I need to talk about this.”

Then you usually wait another 6 months or so. You think it may be impossible to be truly happy again.

And you would be wrong.

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You Don’t Need to Wait for the Pain, But You Probably Will
If you are a man in a struggling, frustrating or painful relationship you can actually choose to start growing now and not wait for the divorce!

You can trust me that a much bigger pain is on it’s way and can avoid it by acting now. Yeah, I didn’t do that but I wish I did. But nobody told me I could – or should.

HDM’s like me know stuff. It’s really cool stuff. Stuff you will need to know sooner or later.

What stuff is that?

Stuff like why your wife secretly notices other men who are happily divorced. You may have already observed that and it kills you.

Yeah, that sucks doesn’t it? That happened to me too. I didn’t understand.

I had no idea why she could not see in me what she thought she saw in others.

I do now.

I was acting like an unhappily married man instead of an HDM.

It turns out that these guys drive women wild…in every sense. Why wouldn’t you decide to be this guy while you’re still married?

Sounds like a really stupid question, I know. But it’s not. It’s your only way through this no matter what happens with your stinking marriage. And it’s probably the only thing that has a chance of improving it.

And if you’re thinking this, yes… I spend a lot of time talking to wives and ex-wives like yours.

How the HDM Drives Women Wild
Here is a partial, unexaggerated list of things the HDM’s enjoy every day:

  • They are no longer angry men.
  • They are not “upset” with women.
  • They are confident in their own value and don’t need validation from others.
  • They have sex. Good sex. Lots of it.
  • They have amazing, fulfilling conversations with other men and women.
  • They are not “rattled” by anything women do.
  • They see through a woman’s protective shell and into the truth of her insecure “little girl”.
  • They talk freely, without shame, about their own annoying, insecure “little boy”.
  • They feel empathy from a strong, masculine place of love and respect for women.
  • They are calm and deliberate in how they relate to women – and the world.
  • They really, really like who they are being as a man.
  • They know they are valuable men of integrity and character. They are a “prize”.
  • They are massively secure.
  • They give their presence and attention to women without strings or gamesmanship.
  • They have a low pulse and respiration rate around beautiful women – even when they are mad or upset.
  • They unaffected by a woman’s anger because they know it’s not all about them – and it hardly ever is.
  • They laugh at the games and contradictions that some women present to them.
  • They swiftly remove people from their life who drain them and disrespect them and their values.
  • They develop deeper, more meaningful and rewarding relationships with inspiring men and women.
  • They have an “abundance mindset” which allows them to give of themselves without strings.
  • They know they can create whatever they want to have.
  • They speak boldly about their past mistakes and cheerfully share what they’ve learned.
  • They “Don’t give a fuck”.
  • What other people think of them.
  • That some women get mad, upset or disappointed.
  • That some women won’t like him.
  • That most people don’t understand him.
  • That most people will never achieve what he has.
  • They are more aware, more skilled, more generous and more satisfied in their sex life.
  • They are in charge of their own happiness and mood every day.
  • They take away the power that women and others have had to validate them and make them feel good or bad.
  • They laugh more. Out loud.
  • They are more focused and more productive.
  • They are more proactive and intentional with everything they do.
  • They are more confrontational in defending their boundaries and responding with strength and calm confidence.
  • They have little time or patience for whiners, complainers and victims – including the women in their life.
  • They lead by example – consistently demonstrating the life they will live and what they expect from those in their life.
  • They attract feminine attention constantly and they know exactly why it’s happening and what to do with it.
  • They don’t regard any one woman as the finish line of their life. They have options if needed.
  • They are totally unapologetic in their masculinity.
  • They are transparent in their sexuality and expectations for connected, affectionate and passionate intimacy.
  • They don’t take anything personally – ever.
  • They know they always have options and opportunities to have what they want.
  • They cheerfully and lovingly invite people into their life, but nobody stands in their way.
  • They don’t negotiate, compromise or sacrifice their values or their purpose.
  • They are clear and pleased about who they are and the life they are creating for themselves.
  • Women tell them, “I’ve never met a man like you.” And “I feel so safe, feminine and sexy with you.”
  • They have no qualms about telling women “no” and ending relationships that don’t meet their expectations.
  • They learn fast that their new frame totally changes their business or career success.
  • They attract more customers and more promotions because they have learned how to lead themselves. This creates a new leader within that others respect and want to follow.
  • They love boldly and openly and vulnerably. When they decide to go “all in” in a relationship they expect the same in return.

Is This A Pipe Dream?
Okay. You’re probably thinking, “Sounds nice. Unattainable – but nice.”You’re probably thinking that achieving results like those is possible for only a very small percentage of men.

And you’d be correct. You probably have met only one or two of these guys in your life, if that many. And if you’re like me, you quietly envied them. You figured they had a chromosome you didn’t have, therefore, they were “outliers” – freaks.

Nope. Not true. There are millions of these men around the world.

And the ONLY thing that separates you from them is this.

They have committed to the process of developing the competence and then, the CONFIDENCE, to change the way they think, speak and act.

The only difference between you and them is that they made a decision. They wanted more and, dammit, they would figure out how to have more – BE more. They didn’t wish for things to be different – they wished for themselves to be better.

Men who live their life in the skin of an HDM are just like you. The only difference is in their tolerance for mediocrity.

Their decision to change was made with the uncertainty about what they didn’t yet know. They knew the new skills they had to learn would require practice – then more practice.

Not all men are cut out for it. That’s why these men are a small percentage of the population.

I want to change that. There is no good reason why more men just like you can’t do this.

What else in your life did you suck at before you got good at it?

If you want to learn more about how to be comfortable, confident and peaceful in your own skin, I’d love to help show you the way.  Get started today, here’s your first step…

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Steve and Dan lead this community with 9 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and Steve host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

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Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

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In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
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  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

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The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

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