What To Do When Your Wife Wants To Separate

Men love to fix things. This approach makes sense to him. How has that worked out in your marriage? When your wife wants to separate, having emotionally deep conversations can push her away. This is the sort of advice I give “nice guys” even though it seems to make no damn sense. In this article, You’ll discover FIVE counterintuitive steps that bring RELIEF to worried men who still love their runway wife.

Guys are usually raring to do something…anything… when their wife starts acting a little squirrely and wanting some space and independence.

And when it comes to a certain question, I always get resistance until the client actually implements the advice.

What’s the question?

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

How in the world can I get her back if I don’t talk to her?!?!

The problem is always the same.

He wants MUCH more than just to “talk to her”.

He wants to know every single thought she has. He wants an explanation for every little reaction. He wants clear and specific instructions on exactly what he needs to do NOW in order to get things back in order.

Not tomorrow. Right now, dammit.

Counter-Intuitive Coaching For When Your Wife Wants To Separate

My immediate advice is to breathe – very deeply – about 10 times.

The next 5 steps are:

1. Release the drag and let some line out. (immediately stop the fight)
2. Listen more than you talk…even if she isn’t talking.
3. Stop seeing her as a horrible, disloyal person who wants to hurt you. See deeper into her fear and anger – it’s not all about you.
4. Find a high quality friend/mentor you can confide in now and spend some time with.
5. Stay present, available, responsive and engaged. Don’t run off angry or make any rash decisions.

It’s SO tempting to want to FIX this now. You want information. You want feedback. You want to fix the KNOT in your stomach trying to tell you that you just might die.

Here’s the truth. You’re not going to die.

In fact, if you can just settle down long enough to get your head on straight, you’ll realize that you’re going to be just fine.

We teach men how to “stay in their lane” so they can stop over-reacting.

This is the perfect time to learn how to be more calm, courageous and confident as you face these tests in life.

I talk about it more in this video.

YouTube video

Why You Need To Stop Chasing Your Runaway Wife

We created the new online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb specifically for men in this situation.

If you’re a man who wants some IMMEDIATE RELIEF from the monkey chatter in your head, this course is for you. We recorded over 8 hours of custom coaching modules specifically for you.

A man currently taking the course sent us this review the other day:

“I have found it incredibly helpful and I am astonished how accurate you are with my own situation. You and Tim have made me feel that I am not alone going through this and the support has been invaluable. I am excited about being a stronger more confident man. I’m only at the beginning of my new journey but I already feel more confident and free.”

Clarity. It’s king.

Clarity of thought. Clarity about your feelings. Clarity about what is REALLY happening so you can settle down and sleep.

Without clarity, everything feels out of control.

When your wife wants to separate, it can feel like you’re on the uphill side of a seesaw with her sitting on the other side…just sitting there. And you’ve got no clue when/if she’ll let you down. Clarity. It’s king. When you gain clarity about what’s REALLY going on, you find the relief you crave.

If this sounds familiar, How do Defuse the Divorce Bomb Course is for you. You will immediately join over 200 other guys currently going through the same thing. That’s 200 high-quality men at your disposal in our private Facebook group and at our live Q&A sessions.

Of course, if you want personalized coaching and a more intense experience of personal transformation, we’re happy to talk with you about one-on-one coaching.

Most importantly, don’t go through this alone. There are WAY too many options for you to get help and WAY too many other men in the same boat who would love to meet you.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

We respect your privacy, read our privacy policy here