How Do I Save My Marriage? and Why it’s the Wrong Question to Ask

There’s a “chicken and the egg” situation I want to address right here…right now.

And this is crucial to HOW YOU THINK about getting what you want in life and relationships.

How you think about everything is the only control you have and all you will ever need.

Why?

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

Because the moment you change the way you think about the things happening in your life…those very things will start changing in front of your eyes.

I’m in the business of helping men CHANGE THEIR PERSPECTIVE about what it means to be a man. I teach them HOW TO THINK differently.

What causes us to become needy, dependent and afraid in relationships?

What is the true source of confidence, clarity and well-being if it’s not in the warm, accepting arms of a woman?

I ask men to tell me what they MOST WANT in the next 6 months. What’s the most important question they need answered?

Here is the #1 most popular question I get from men.

“How can I get my wife/girlfriend to like me/love me/pay attention to me/give me affection/desire me/touch me/have sex with me again?”

And then I ask them what they see as their biggest barrier to getting what they want.

Here is #2 most popular question I get from men.

“How can I find the confidence/strength/self-esteem/courage to be the man I know I can be?”

You see the problem already, don’t you? (my readers are incredibly smart, intuitive people…I know this)

Those two questions need to be flip-flopped.

There is no mystery about which comes first – confidence or attractiveness.

We must FOCUS on the real problem and make it our top priority.

Your sense of confidence/strength/self-esteem/courage precedes every positive thing you want to create.

And, obviously, if you have the OPPOSITE of those things…you will create nothing you want.

I talk about this more in this video.

When you’re in the middle of the trauma and feeling a relationship falling apart.

When you have a woman saying “I love you but I’m not in love with you”, “I just don’t feel the same anymore”, “I need space” or something similar, it’s hard to remember that your number one job is not to “save your marriage” or to “make her like you”, it’s not to “attract her back” either. The truth is that the marriage you had over the past few weeks, months or years isn’t worth saving anyway.

That’s why the number one question that guys ask “How do I make her like me again?” is the wrong question and it’s in the wrong order.

The first questions should always be “How do you get your confident swagger back?”

How do you become that man who’s got his Mojo intact again?

A man who knows his own value. Who has his self worth, self confidence and self esteem securely in place. A man who already knows he’s OK, better than OK.

This is what Dan and I do with men and it’s what we’d love to help you with.

I wrote a book for you called “Straight talk tools for the desperate husband” which you can get on Amazon here for $7.99. It sounds like it’s all about saving your marriage. It even has a subtitle of ‘How to become a masculine, confident man who can fix his marriage without becoming a controlling asshole’.

However the truth is that the book isn’t about saving your marriage, although if you read it, you’ll find out that becoming a masculine, confident man in your own right is the journey you need to take to give your marriage the best chance of reconciling.

The book originally had a title of “Remasculation – join the movement of men who are getting their balls back and creating the life they want” but after talking to my editor we realized that nobody would buy that!

It’s kinda what my book is about though. It’s about how you can get your swagger back. How you can become a confident, masculine man who knows he’s going to be OK, who knows how to create the life he wants and who gets what he wants.

If that sounds like something you want and that would help you in your life and relationship then go here to grab a copy.

Once you’ve read it I’d love for you to leave a review for others to hear your honest opinion about it. Or email me and let me know what you thought of it.

So how do you learn to be more confident?

Self-help is a popular route. Sometimes it’s quite effective.

However, you can overdose on self-help when it becomes a search for INFORMATION…TIPS…HACKS…OR TRICKS.

There is NO QUICK FIX to learning true confidence. It takes conscious action and application to real-world situations.

Consistency is key to learning a new habit and creating new patterns in your behavior.

When I wrote my book, Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband, I purposely put in all kinds of examples of situations, dialog, conversations and case studies to help you TAKE ACTION.

I know it’s ACTION which will cause the shift you need in your thinking and your confidence. And when this happens, I get an email like this:

“I know this sounds maybe funny to some, but it is just so damn easy living with this sense of calm, knowing that it is just a movie, an exciting, thrilling virtual reality. If you want passion, its yours, if you want love, right there it is, if you want adventure, bang …you can have it. What is also really exciting is the realization that if you want pain, hate, guilt, sadness, loneliness, those too are simply choices that you can make to acquire those things.” (Matt E)

Self help CAN BE quite effective when you know how to turn the information into action.

I know ANOTHER WAY to learn confidence quickly.

It’s more than $7.99, but it’s an investment (and experience) of a lifetime.

We love to help men understand when they’ve been searching for solutions to their struggling marriage and intimacy frustrations in the wrong places. When a man gets this, it can have a huge affect on the connection and affection he enjoys in his relationships.

Confidence, courage and happiness come from inside you.

We would love to help you become more confident, more courageous and more happy in the areas of your life where you’re struggling.

Either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program.

Come and try our coaching – join us and some other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now, join our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.

Find out more about our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self realization.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what I want for you brother,

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

See Full Bio