Wife Wants a Divorce? How to Stop the Crushing Fear and Loneliness

This week I decided to fly right toward Hurricane Florence and you’ll never guess what happened.

I almost didn’t leave Colorado. The forecasts were dim. Negative Nellie’s told me to cancel my trip. “You might get stuck on the east coast for days!”, they said.

So what did I do?

I drove 2 hours to Denver International Airport and jumped on a plane flying straight for Hurricane Florence. Well, actually, it was to Baltimore…but close enough.

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I decided to assume the best and accept the worst. But the the worst never happened.

It usually never does. Read that again.

The worst things we imagine almost never come true.

And as Teddy Roosevelt once said:

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

So…I made my decision.

I got to attend my niece’s outdoor wedding. No rain!

I helped my brother save a choking horse at the draft horse rescue he volunteers at on Saturday mornings. The horse is doing fine.

Played Frisbee until my right arm nearly fell off. But it’s that “good kind of hurt”…if you know what I mean.

Snuggled with my nephew, Barley (my brother’s Golden Retriever), for 3 nights.

No offense to my real nephew, Corey. But Barley is a lot cuter.

And, I had dinner with a great guy who just started working with me and just so happens to live near Baltimore.

We decided to grab a beer and make a video for you to make a point about MAKING TIME for the quality men in your life.

Why?

Because THIS is how you will stop the fear of bone crushing loneliness and despair – even in the face of possible divorce.

I bet you thought I’d never get back on topic, didn’t you?

Watch the video for a better explanation.

YouTube video

Sometimes as men we isolate ourselves. We get all alone and stop knowing what to do with ourselves. We’re paying attention to our wives, our kids and our family and we forget the importance of hanging around other men.

So when I had the opportunity to meet with not just one of the great men I know (my brother) but also one of my clients who’s a really smart, caring and fun guy – I grabbed it with both hands.

I told my brother, “I’m visiting you, but I’m also going to go have a beer with Chad while I’m here.”

It’s non-negotiable for me to make time for those men in my life that I love to spend time with, and it should be for you too.

One benefit of doing this is that when you hang around with a great man, you get a mojo boost yourself – it makes YOU feel more RELAXED in who you are.

This relates directly to one of the things we talk about often – how to be sexy and funny with your wife or girlfriend.

How can you be so relaxed and confident in yourself that when you want to build connection or sexual tension with her, you KNOW you can do it!

While Chad and I were talking and drinking together he read me something that he sent to his wife in response to something menial that she had asked him to do. He told me that a month before that, he would never have sent this kind of message to her.

But because Chad got involved in our men’s community, it’s enabled him to RELAX in who he’s BEING and lean into some of the kinds of things he’s wanted to do with her in the past but wasn’t able to.

In his message he said “OK, I need a treat for this favor”

To which she responded “What kind of treat?”

So he said “I’ll take a back rub, a cupcake, running your fingers through my hair, a cuddle with your non-poison ivy body parts (she has poison ivy right now), vacuuming my truck, a date night….”

And she responded with “Non-poison ivy body parts, that’s funny!”

So he continued “…a five second kiss, some gummy bears, a smack on the ass or a chocolate chip cookie.”

So why am I telling you this???

Because it was unapologetically masculine. It was fun and playful and sensual and he didn’t apologize for it.

And guess what…the rest of Chad’s weekend followed the same fun, playful, sensuous theme ;)

THIS is the kind of thing that happens when you hang around with high quality men so say “Yes” to your buddy who want’s to hang out for a beer, say “Yes” to your cousin or brother, or FIND yourself a guy that you look up to, a man who you respect and admire and spend some time with them, hang out, get your mojo boosted and RELAX.

I know I’ve said this before but it bears repeating.

Too many men give up their friends, their interests, their hobbies and their passions when they get married. Every ounce of their identity, significance and happiness is tied directly to their role as husband and father.

Do not get me wrong here. Yes, those are incredibly important and fulfilling roles.

But if they are your sole source of your sense of well-being, security and value you will quickly find yourself on your heels, walking on eggshells in fear and negotiating for your dignity.

And it will be nobody’s fault but your own.

Feeling confident, happy and significant needs to be developed independently from your outside identity. It’s an inside job.

Feeling connected, passionate, motivated and energized must be created in many ways beyond your marriage and family.

And one of the best ways to do this for men is to develop and maintain positive, supportive and loving relationships with other men. Yeah…I said “loving”.

Here’s your homework:

Find ONE GUY this week who you respect and admire and reach out to him. Ask him to lunch, golf, coffee or a hike. Tell him why you’re doing it. Tell him what he means to you and don’t apologize one second for being honest and open with him.

That is how you develop and maintain quality relationships with quality men. You must take the first step.

Have you noticed that women seem to have figured this out already? This is why they are the ones laughing and carrying on in their assisted living centers while most men isolate themselves in their rooms. (I’ve been in a lot of those place in the last few years)

If you think you’re ready to join a bigger community of high quality men, I’d love to talk with you about your situation, your challenges and your dreams.

If we wind up working together you will be invited into an amazing tribe of the highest quality, most supportive and loving men I’ve ever known.

How would it feel to be so relaxed, so confident in who you are and the value that you have to offer that you can say the thing you’ve always wanted to say and make things happen in your relationship again?

That’s where we help men get to here at Goodguys2Greatmen. That’s our passion.

We want to help you rediscover a non-arrogant swagger of knowing exactly how you want to respond to situations.

We want you to know that the frustration that you may feel too often right now doesn’t define you. It doesn’t define who you are or your future. You have more control than you think.

We’d love to have a conversation with you about this.

When we have a conversation, they can go 60 or 90 minutes and we cover everything that’s going on in your life. Everything she’s said, everything you’re feeling…

And what we want you to do, is walk away from this phone call, feeling like you have a glimmer of hope, that maybe the way you were thinking before the call was driving you into a pit of despair and we want to pull you out of that, at least for a day.

How do you learn how to be calm, confident and argument proof?

It’s done with the help of other men who have traveled your path. You must surround yourself with men who can help you change your mindset, your perspective and, ultimately, how you FEEL ABOUT YOU.

The problem most of us have is that we have no men in our lives to talk to about this who get it, have been through it and come out the other side. We’ve got nobody we can trust to give us clear feedback and positive support and guidance.

So what’s next?

I’ve created a powerfully EFFECTIVE experience and for you that promises to give you the calm, confident, peaceful mojo you want.

The very FASTEST way to change the way you’re thinking and find your confidence again is to join other men doing the same thing.

Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 40% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

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In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

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  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

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