How to Feel More Confident and Strong in Your Marriage

“The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you’ll tolerate.” ~ Earnest Hemingway, possibly

This quote caught my eye because it speaks to a deeper level of self-awareness I think every man needs.

Do you actually LIKE yourself when nobody is watching?


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One of the biggest reasons men THINK they are experiencing negativity, sadness or rejection is because they secretly think they need someone to LIKE them.

And when we need someone else to like us it usually means we’re feeling empty inside.

The emptiness feeling comes from insecure thoughts of abandonment, inadequacy and “undesireability”. We’re seeking external acknowledgement and validation to change those thoughts which will change the feelings.

Is it wrong to WANT a loving, caring, kind and supportive partnership?

Heck no. I think we ALL want that.

But if we want that because we’re empty inside, we will never, ever get enough external soothing.

And that’s a problem.

Nobody wants to be responsible for continually filling up our insatiable need for being liked.

I’m in the business of helping men to deeply appreciate, respect and LIKE themselves…without being jerks or assholes.

I’ve learned it’s these guys who end up attracting all the attention, kindness and support they want.

As Robert Holden said in his book, Happiness Now, You enjoy as much happiness as you believe you’re worthy of.

Confidence is not “They will like me.” confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t.” ~ Christina Grimmie

Psychologists may refer to this liking yourself stuff as self-acceptance. That topic goes pretty deep. But for today, let’s just talk about having a few hours this weekend of simply digging yourself.

When was the last time you were alone laughing and dancing with nobody but you? Do you dig yourself enough to enjoy your own company?

Watch this video to see how I did it this morning.

Yeah, I’m actually going to video me dancing which goes totally against my instincts!

YouTube video

Well, THAT was an interesting experiment.

How can I tell you to push your comfort zone if I don’t it myself?

If you liked it, great. If you didn’t, that’s okay too.

Sometimes I don’t like watching people dance badly because it makes me “embarrassed for them”. I’ve learned that’s a load of crap. The reason I’m uncomfortable is because I’m seeing myself through them.

And behind my judgment is a bit of envy that I could be as comfortable as they are just being themselves.

So, here’s my challenge. Find a song this weekend that makes you tap your toes, move your body, sing out loud or just smile.

Do this all alone and just dig yourself and the feeling of getting into light thoughts and warm feelings.


Because light thoughts and warm feelings are your home base. This is your NORMAL state of being. With every negative, sad, or lonely thought that enters your head you are just one song (and one thought) away from your home base.

If I could sum up what the GG2GM mission is with a simple metaphor, it would be:

We teach men how to dance in the warmth of their own value and their own happiness.

Yeah, we know you came through the door of relationship pain. It’s the same door we all came through.

I’m glad you’re here!

And if you’re ready to start your “dance lessons”, think about getting more seriously involved in this powerful community of men. I promise you will be astounded at how fast you learn the steps.

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and Steve host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.
The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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