My Wife Said I’m Done With You And This Marriage

Your wife said I’m done with you and this marriage and suddenly your gut opened up and a gaping hole of anxiety and fear took hold of you. I know, I’ve been through exactly this experience too.

After years of coaching men through this situation, I want to show you a different perspective of WHY women say “I’m done” as well as some steps to calm your emotions and get back to feeling confident again.

Here are the biggest, ugliest emotional daggers a wife can throw at you

  • I think we need time apart.
  • I don’t see this ever working out.
  • I don’t feel in love with you anymore.
  • I don’t think I want to be married anymore.
  • and….I’m Done!

I haven’t met a man yet who doesn’t shudder with confusion, panic and heartache when he hears those words.

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We teach you not only what to SAY or DO when this happens.

We teach you what you must THINK.

You need to know where these words come from. What has she been thinking? What has she been feeling? What other plans has she been making?

I won’t sugar coat this.

There are times when a woman is 100% serious – 100% clear – 100% dead set on leaving and there is ZERO percent chance of changing her mind. And, yes, you are getting divorced. Period.

When Your Wife Said “I’m Done” She’s Expressing Her True Feelings In That Moment

“I’m Done!” is often a declaration that she is done with the status quo. She’s done feeling anxious, sad, alone, unimportant, ignored and bored.

This kind of “I’m Done” is a cry for help. For change. For a glimpse of strength and leadership from her man to convince her things aren’t as bad as she is feeling in the moment.

This is when we normally receive our first email from a guy asking for help and support.

He wants to know, “What does leadership even mean?” And “How does she want me to be strong? Strong in what?”

After Hearing “I’m Done” Your 1st Step Is To STOP And DO NOTHING

Weird, I know. It’s so counter-intuitive for men.

Don’t try to analyze, criticize, defend, explain, interrogate or otherwise engineer some damn solution.

The reasoning behind this is because anything you do next will be FELT to be a denial and invalidation of her feelings.

She will experience your fear, anger and anxiety as further confirmation she is in the wrong place…with the wrong person.

So what do you do?

My suggestion for that very moment is to say, “I want you to know I hear you loud and clear. I see how you’re feeling and I understand how horrible it must feel. I’m sorry.

Resist the temptation to explain YOUR side of the story. Resist the urge to dig in for details and explanations.

Lose your immediate need for HER to make YOU feel better.

What’s The 2nd Step?

You need smart, wise, experienced men in your life at this point to guide you, support you and have your back.

This was my salvation when I was in those shoes.

There is stuff a man will never learn in therapy.

There is a masculine mindset and perspective a man will never learn in couples counseling.

There stuff my dad NEVER TOLD ME about being a man and responding to this situation

We want you to learn this stuff because “this shit works”. See the video for more about that.

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How to Defuse the Ticking Divorce Bomb

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If you already have a tight group of smart, initiated men to talk with and learn from then you may not need this world-class course.

But if you don’t, Coach Tim Wade and I actually GUARANTEE this online course and community will blow your mind.

If she said, “I’m done” this course is where you want to be. It’s where you can keep yourself and your head straight. The first step is to calm your monkey mind and do NOTHING. The next step is to connect with men who have your back and support you. Take these two steps and your life is only going to get better from here. That’s a promise.

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author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
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  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
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Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
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  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

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We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

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