How To End a Sexless Marriage, Sexless Marriage Advice for Men

I’ve been thinking hard about how to give you some unhappy, sexless marriage advice. I know you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t have a deep desire to figure out what to do and where to go with the woman in your life.

You may be a guy who says,

“Our relationship is really pretty happy, except that we never have sex anymore.”

Or you may say,

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“Sex with us isn’t really the problem as much as the negativity and constant arguing.”

Or you may fall into the majority of guys for whom the relationship is both unhappy and severely lacking in any intimacy.

In any case, it’s been bugging the crap out of you and you can’t stop thinking about it. You want more. You want more respect, more fun, more appreciation, more trust, more REAL intimacy. In a word, you want your relationship to feel more like LOVE.

You know exactly what that used to feel like. You felt it with another woman at some point in your life or with the woman you’re with right now. And you would not be alone if you said you’re struggling with the fact that you never felt that connection – even in your current relationship.

All you know is that that feeling is missing. We ALL want a romantic relationship that feels effortless and intimate. It makes us happy and confident to feel the energy of mutual appreciation, adoration, and DESIRE.

We want it. We think we deserve it. But, we’re not exactly sure what to think or what to do about it.

You Are a Warrior Deep in Your Heart!

Other articles you may find helpful:

No Sex Marriage? Become a Husband With His Confident Swagger Back
How to Create More Affection, More Touch and More Sex in Your Marriage

Every man has 3 very clear options to END an unhappy and/or sexless relationship.

You are a strong, virile man. You were created for love and passion. You want what you want. You’ve got the blood of all the “warriors” before you running through your veins!

And you now have the same choices every warrior must make when it comes to fighting for what he wants.

Well Braveheart, what’s it going to be?

1. Go into battle

2. Retreat

3. Surrender

All of these options are viable and one is not necessarily better than the other. Depending on the unique details of your relationship, one of these may be the very best choice for you. I have helped men in all 3 of these situations and I love and respect every one of them.

What do they mean? Let me explain.

Every unhappy and sexless relationship ends eventually.

It ends after a fierce battle to save it and turn it into a rewarding, beautiful thing.
It ends when one or both people decide to retreat (a.k.a. Divorce)
It ends when both people surrender and choose to accept it…and it ends when they die.

The Battle

I have watched men choose to mount up and charge into Battle. The warrior within wants to FIGHT for what he wants and knows he deserves. You learn very quickly that strategy matters. You find out who the enemy is and who it is not.

In most cases, you will discover your woman in NOT the enemy. She’s not a good ally either, for sure. But she soon WILL be.

The ferocious battle you are fighting is with yourself. Every single one of us has “enemies” within us. Some of these enemies attacked us in the womb. Some of them raided our hearts when we were growing up. And some of our enemies are the result of our own stubbornness, ignorance and “stinkin thinkin”.

This can be a blood-bath sometimes for a guy. There is pain and fear involved just like any good battle. When the battle is over and you emerge victorious you know it was worth it. You used your stubborn nature and strength of your convictions to overcome the fear of change and uncertain consequences.

You know very clearly that you may need to battle frequently to protect your relationship. This feels like PASSION to you – not war. You are ready and willing to fight whenever it is needed again.

The Retreat

Sometimes a Retreat, or a divorce, is the most appropriate option. This was my story as you know. If you have been in battle long enough to truly understand that your efforts will gain no further ground, you must retreat. Saving yourself is the only sensible option. There is no shame in that.

Retreating may mean opening the door and allowing her to peacefully go where she wants (giving her a divorce). It may mean you must be the one to take charge and create the ending necessary to allow yourself to move on (initiating the divorce yourself).

Retreating from the relationship does not mean you are weak or uncommitted. As a warrior, at times you must know that you have fought hard and have done all the work you could possibly do. But continuing the fight only results in more pain and misery for everyone involved.

Other articles you may find helpful:

Being More Confident With Your Wife
My Wife Said I’m Controlling, What Do I Do Now?

It’s now time for you redirect your energy and passion elsewhere to build the relationship you WILL have in your life.

The Surrender

First, I want to make it clear that some relationships have enormous hurdles in the way of happiness and intimacy. Many couples find themselves with unbelievably challenging health problems, childcare issues, financial distress, etc. Happiness and intimacy may not even seem like a reasonable expectation to them. Their only reasonable option is to stay together to help each other survive.

If that is not your case, the Surrender feels more like just “settling”. You have given up fighting for what you want and have settled for what seems to be “good enough”. You allow yourself to go day to day with general discontent and zero intimacy and it has become the new normal.

In this relationship, the end will come normally when a person leaves – and it is usually her. Women initiate at least 75% of all divorces. This is because her decision to leave is more driven by her very long list of possible positive consequences affecting her happiness.

Most men’s decision to NOT leave is swayed by a very long list of probable negative consequences. Hence, he is caught “totally off guard” when she tells him she is leaving.

And the most obvious end to an unhappy, sexless relationship is when one of the surrendering parties passes away. This is an all too common cliché involving two people too scared of what lies beyond their current unhappiness. Because women generally live longer than men, we get to see a lot of widows suddenly get a lot happier with their new independence and a new, nice man in their life.

Another Option?

Reach out for some help. Whether you want to choose to Battle, Retreat, or Surrender, it sucks trying to do it on your own. This is where most men fail miserably!

Men tend to suck up all their feelings and emotions and quickly use “logic” to decide to do nothing at all.

Doing nothing at all IS a decision. It’s a decision to Surrender. If you really think Surrendering is your best option, then do it with a purpose. Do it with intention. Do it on YOUR terms.

But don’t do nothing. You need to get clear headed about this.

Talk to friends, clergy, counselors, therapists, or me.

What will you get out of working with me on this?

Here’s my promise to you.

I will give you endless personal support and the highest quality information and advice you will need no matter which choice above you make.
I will be the most authentic, effective, empowering, and intensely personal source of support you can find ANYWHERE.
I will help you create a crystal clear plan of ACTION for your future which supports your personal values, dreams, and desires.
You will feel more confident and clear headed than ever before about where you’re going and how you’re going to get there.

Go HERE to sign up or give me a call.

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Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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Frequently Asked Questions

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Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

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In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

You won’t find negative, hateful language.
You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

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Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men's Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.