Being More Confident and Masculine in Your Marriage

Some days I can feel like a big fat wuss.


You know those days of camping out too long on the couch…putting off a list of things you want to do but just can’t find the energy.

Sometimes our mojo (self-worth and self-confidence) just takes a major dive and leaves us feeling weak and insignificant.

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Most men can remember a time in their life when they felt pretty cocksure about themselves. Maybe it was in school, sports, games, technology…whatever. There’s usually a time in our life we can remember when we thought we were doing okay and actually had a little badassery going on.

Then the time comes in your life when you feel like you’ve totally lost it.

In my experience, part of a man’s mojo is boosted through committed, deliberate, focused accomplishment. I’m talking about really focusing on something that fascinates you and spending the time, brainpower and effort to achieve some level of mastery.

I’m not saying that mastering the guitar or chainsaw carving will solve all your problems. After all, true confidence in your value and well-being comes from a deeper spiritual place. (this is a key emphasis in my coaching)

BUT…if your mind and your body have been stuck in neutral, you will feel stuck.

If you haven’t learned anything new lately, you will feel ignorant.

If you haven’t dedicated yourself to mastering something you REALLY want to master…you will feel like a lazy slob.

Maybe I’m just projecting my own experience here, but I suspect you know what I’m talking about.

Years ago I was a manager of a community with 50 miles of dirt roads. I decided to learn how to properly run a road grader, backhoe and bulldozer. Those things intimidated the hell out of me, but I asked for some guidance and then just practiced…screwed up…practiced some more and so on.

And you know what?

I do feel just a little cocky that I can jump into one of those beasts and make them dance for me.

I’m STILL trying to learn to play a guitar. And this December I’m going to Tulum to live with a 70-year-old Mexican couple and attend a Spanish immersion school. I will become fluent in Spanish before I die. That’s a promise I’ve made myself.

What about you?

What have you been wanting to achieve or learn that you’ve been avoiding?

What story are you telling yourself about it being “too late” to learn new tricks?

I made this really quick video to explain this point a little deeper.

YouTube video

What about when your relationship is struggling?

How do you get your mojo back then?

How can you get a sense of masculine confidence back?

How can you show up grounded in your knowledge of your value as a man?

You don’t have to run heavy equipment or chainsaws, but what I’m here to tell you is that if you don’t have a skill, if you don’t have something that is uniquely yours, something that you’ve developed by yourself with some hard work and practice, then sometimes you can feel a little less mojo, a little less confident in yourself.

When we coach men, we talk about shame a lot.

We talk about the shame that women feel – Brene Brown says that the deepest shame that women feel is that they’re not good enough (they suffer from this A LOT and in all areas of life no matter how small and trivial it may seem to us), they feel shame that they’re not smart enough, not sexy enough, not thin enough, not pretty enough – just NOT ENOUGH.

She also says that the biggest shame that men normally suffer is the shame of not being strong enough (we all know this one so well whether it’s being triggered by a critical comment or rejected when we want to connect), we also feel shame for not being powerful enough, not feeling manly enough. Sometimes we can feel like a pussy. Sometimes we have those days where we feel emotionally spent and that we don’t have any sense of wellbeing or peace inside ourselves.

So my advice for you in this article today is to find something. It could be anything that requires PATIENCE, PRACTICE and SKILL.

It took me a long time. Many, many hours years ago to learn how to run a big old road grader and not leave a mess, a wake of devastation behind! And now I’m a lot better at it.

There are other things such as wood working, art, painting, playing the guitar, exercise. Anything at all that you have a PASSION for or that you find particularly rewarding.

Spend time alone. Develop a skill and find other people who share that passion so that you can talk to them about it.

Sometimes when we’re feeling down, maybe a bit like a wuss, and we just don’t feel like we have our poop in a group! You have to retreat into the passions that make you feel a sense of strength, a sense of passion and purpose.

Find something that makes you feel like a man – whatever that is – and make it a priority. You’ll be amazed at how it changes the way you feel about yourself, your day, your week, your current situation and your future.

A major turning point in my life after age 50 was discovering the amazing healing powers of personal development.

In my case, it was instigated by an untimely divorce and the subsequent feelings of agony, anxiety and failure.

I found a fountain of youth in the area of “men’s work” and learning how to recapture a powerful sense of confidence, personal value and peacefulness…even in the face of what felt like a colossal failure.

Since then I’ve created a powerful and amazing community of men around the world who have joined me in the process of mastering masculine mojo.

It’s the most liberating, exciting and motivating thing I’ve ever done. And at 57 years old, I see the next 30 yrs. as the most exciting, adventurous and passionate period in my life!

If you’re a man who is ready for that kind of transformation and that kind of outlook, I want to talk with you. I want to know what’s going on in your life and/or relationship.

And I want to give you a new lens to look through so you can see that you’re going to be just fine. No….better than fine.

That’s where we help men get to here at Goodguys2Greatmen. That’s our passion.

We want to help you rediscover the feeling of your own masculine power and strength to change your experience, your relationship, your career – whatever is pulling you down right now. It doesn’t define who you are or your future. You have more control than you think.

We’d love to have a conversation with you about this and our only aim with this call is to have you walk away feeling like you have options, that maybe the way you were thinking before the call was holding you back and we want to help you see a different path, at least for a day.

How do you learn how to feel your confidence, your mojo, your belief in yourself flooding back again?

It’s done with the help of other men who have traveled your path. You must surround yourself with men who can help you change your mindset, your perspective and, ultimately, how you FEEL ABOUT YOU.

The problem most of us have is that we have no men in our lives to talk to about this who get it, have been through it and come out the other side. We’ve got nobody we can trust to give us clear feedback and positive support and guidance.

So what’s next?

I’ve created a powerfully EFFECTIVE experience for you that promises to give you that feeling back of being confident in who you are and what you want.

The very FASTEST way to change the way you’re thinking and find your confidence again is to join other men doing the same thing.

Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 40% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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