Wife Said She Doesn’t Want to Be Married

The anxiety making, ticking divorce bomb started counting down way before your wife said she doesn’t want to be married to you. I’m going to tell you where the “bomb” is located and how to defuse it.

Many women reach a point where they are unhappy with who they’ve become in your marriage. How you to respond to this is critical, both for your own sense of confidence and the future health of your relationship.

I just googled “What month of the year has the most divorce petitions filed?”.

Bam! Not only did Google answer me, it told me, the specific week. The second week of January seems to be the most popular.

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I suppose it makes sense. By mid-year there are summer vacations followed by back-to-school, followed by Halloween…then all the other holidays.

Stress, resentment and blame all get amplified until someone makes a new year resolution that this sh*t is going to change.

And the fact that women tend to initiate about two-thirds of the divorces means there are a lot of men caught off guard in mid-January.

I’m Not Happy. We Both Deserve To Be Happy. I Think We Should Separate

I know! Those words can still make the short hairs on the back of my neck curl up.

It starts a tick-tick-tick of a D-bomb in our chests and sleep becomes elusive.

This is when we turn up the “save my marriage” volume and start saying and doing all sorts of really stupid crap.

Watch this video and then I’ll continue below.

YouTube video

Wife Said She Doesn’t Want to BE Married

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn’t want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.”
Elizabeth Gilbert

If that quote above by Elizabeth Gilbert made you simultaneously furious and deeply sad, you’re not alone, brother.

I could have put my favorite divorce joke there instead.

Q: “Why is divorce so expensive?” A: “Because it’s worth it!!”

When men talk about divorce we usually try to ease the discomfort with humor or anger…or both.

The Complicated Truth Is That Divorce Is Extremely Complicated

That’s why our thoughts around the idea are so tangled and confused.

And those thoughts create stories and assumptions that makes us feel so tied up we can’t eat for days. (yeah, I know about that)

We have so many questions about a woman’s seemingly irrational and unreasonable feelings. Even when we know that feelings aren’t supposed to be be rational or reasonable, we still DEMAND some kind of answer.

We want clarity and we want certainty.

We want to know WHY…because if we can only understand WHY then we have a very good chance of FIXING what’s wrong.

Your Wife Said She Doesn’t Want to BE Married (Right Now)

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb starts exactly there. What to do NOW.

The course starts with acknowledging that deep feeling of anguish and desire to understand what’s happening.

Then we dive deep into the emotional journey of divorce and how to THINK about what’s happening in ways that create more calm and confidence. It’s man-to-man coaching and we leave nothing unexplored.

There are also some important “Not Suitable for Wife” video lessons where we give you EXTRA straight-talk coaching to help you focus and teach you how to stop making things worse.

Like I said, the “bomb” that needs defused is the one in your chest.

We would love to help you save your marriage and help you begin a whole new chapter of your relationship.

It’s important that you know the only way to get that is to get control of your own thoughts and behavior. You ability to lead the way to a better place starts with you becoming a better leader.

That’s what you will learn!

So click HERE to check out the course and watch some sneak peak videos.

Just for you, I included the FAQ section from the course info page below. Do you have any of these questions in mind right now?

What Is Your “Success Rate” For This Course, I Mean, How Many Guys Actually Save Their Marriage Using Your Advice?

Answer: We get this question a lot. First of all, there are many factors that determine whether or not a couple can find their way back to a healthy, mutual, loving, respectful and intimate relationship. Nobody can promise you any certain success rate in creating the loving, healthy relationship you want. Nobody. And don’t believe anyone who tries.

Secondly, this is the wrong question. Why? Because we know for a fact you aren’t here to “save” the current version of your marriage. You want to stay married AND have more confidence, connection, intimacy and passion than you have in the last few years. As men’s coaches focused strictly on helping men become stronger, more confident husbands and leaders we can promise you something else.

There is NO POSSIBLE WAY your marriage will survive and thrive unless you become a SECURE, CALM, CONFIDENT and CLEAR HEADED MAN who knows who he is, what he really wants and where he wants to take his life. It’s the relentless and desperate focus on “saving a relationship” that ruins most relationships! (To dive deeper you can get Steve’s “Hard to Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage” )

We can promise you this course is your best option in the world to achieve this because we have a solid 8 year track record in coaching men exactly like you. Our process and our philosophy are unmatched in this field.

What are the chances of you becoming a wildly happy, confident, secure, outcome independent and self-reliant man who loves himself and his life?

About 95%.

But My Wife Said She Doesn’t Want to Be Married… Is It Too Late To Save?

Good question. Defusing your particular divorce bomb may not be possible. It’s could be that your wife is so emotionally and mentally unhealthy that she’s entirely unwilling and incapable of being the partner you want in your life. It’s also possible she is so totally done and checked out that she has a brand new life planned that doesn’t include you.

And it’s possible that YOU may become so clear and confident in what you expect of yourself and for yourself that you’re the one who decides to let the bomb go off.

The bigger point is this. If your instincts tell you there is something still worth working for then you must do this work. And guess what? We know that even if your chances of saving this version of your marriage are low…you must do this work! Every single man we coach who has done this work and wound up divorced discovers something amazing. He doesn’t die! Not only that…he thrives like he never imagined.

Should I Let My Wife Know I’m Doing This Course And Share Parts Of It With Her?

In most cases we will say, “No, not yet.” Unless you’re in a very healthy place with a wife who is secure, empathetic and willing to do her own work, it’s not beneficial to tell her all about this course and what you’re learning.

Wives at this point know talk is very cheap. Consistent actions and conscious behavioral changes on your part are the only things she’ll believe and trust.

If you must tell her something or if she demands to know what you’re doing, simply say, “Babe, I’ve decided the only thing I can do to help our relationship is to become a better version of me. For the first time in my life, I’m focusing on what I bring to the party instead of complaining about everyone else.”

Talking too much and having long, deep, heavy conversations are actually counter-productive. We explain why in the course.

Doesn’t It Take TWO To Fix A Marriage? If My Wife Said She Doesn’t Want to BE Married To Me, Shouldn’t I Get Her On-Board First?

We believe there is no possibility for a marriage to be healthy, mutual, loving, respectful and intimate without a strong, healthy, secure, confident and clear-headed man at the helm. Our driving philosophy is that simple because the truth is always simple.

You have to WANT to become a man who is secure and confident in his own skin before you can lead her in any direction. You have to WANT to feel grounded, calm and clear in your masculine frame before any relationship you have with a woman can thrive the way you imagine it should.

Our combination of high quality content, a community of men in the Secret Facebook group and the live Q&A calls will have a powerful and immediate effect on how YOU are showing up. This is second only to a long term, exclusive one-on-one coaching intensive with one of us.

Will You Really Just Give Me My Money Back For Any Reason If I Don’t Like This Course?

Yes. You had to ask?

The “divorce bomb” is inside you. Only you can disable it. When your wife said she doesn’t want to be married, you were hit with your own fears, insecurities, and anxiety. Show her what a calm, confident, happy, man is like to be around. Diffuse the divorce bomb ticking in your chest.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

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While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

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What will I learn in your coaching programs?

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Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
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We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

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We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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