Should I Still Fight to Save My Marriage?

Today’s article is focused on a question that we get asked all the time:

We’re heading toward divorce, so at this stage, do I still fight to try and save the marriage?

It’s been said there are no atheists in foxholes.

This implies that under extremely stressful conditions, everyone starts looking to a higher power for help or guidance.

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Not everyone.

When my marriage was turning horribly painful and stressful, I sure wasn’t looking toward religion or any type of spiritual connection for help.

I was too busy trying to fix things. I didn’t need any stinkin’ “spiritual help”.

I was using my intellect to analyze and understand things. I dissected everything she did and said and planned a counter argument that would surely convince her she was wrong.

With hard work and focus, I knew I could change her feelings and stop the darkness and fear surrounding me.

Who needs spirituality when you’ve got the tools of logic, analysis and a good work ethic?

You do. That’s who. And I do too.

We answer this question in the video below which is a short clip from one of our Men’s Live Roundtable group coaching sessions:

YouTube video

Every man we work with who has successfully battled through the darkness of a struggling marriage has done so because he developed spiritual clarity.

Some guys develop the strength and compassion to create a loving and inspiring new relationship with their wife.

Other men move on with confidence and optimism to create an amazing and fulfilling relationship with someone new.

Neither outcome would be possible if they did not achieve spiritual clarity.

What do I mean by spiritual clarity?

I’m talking about an emotionally powerful and inspiring belief that you are meant to have a fulfilling and passionate life.

I’m talking about an unshakable faith that you were born with a purpose you deserve to fulfill – a purpose the universe needs you to fulfill. I’m talking about an irresistible, non-negotiable vision which is pulling you to live the loving, engaged and connected life you know you want to live before it’s too late.

If you do not have spiritual clarity you are likely to feel stuck.

The twisted knot in your gut and daily frustrations linger indefinitely.

Without spiritual clarity, you continue to think, say, and do things that sabotage your efforts to have what you really want. Negativity, blame and anger dominate you.Your relationship gets worse.

Without spiritual clarity, you believe every negative thing you think and hear is true. And you react with resentment and contempt which pull you further into the downward spiral you’re fighting against.

You stay stuck and keep thinking you are doomed to unhappiness.

In her book, “Confidence: Finding It and Living It”, Dr. Barbara DeAngelis beautifully explains the importance of Emotional Confidence, Behavioral Confidence, and Spiritual Confidence. She makes a compelling case for why spiritual clarity is so important. It must precede the first two.

Emotional Confidence is the clarity and values driving what we think and feel about events in our life.

Behavioral Confidence is the clarity and values driving how we choose to respond to those events.

Spiritual Confidence is the foundation supporting our ability to think, feel, and respond in the ways that honor ourselves and our values.

With a strong belief about the life you are meant to have, you can stop taking things so personally. You know the pain won’t last forever and you can choose to face it more productively. If you believe you will have the love, respect, affection, trust, and intimacy you want then your pain today is just a stepping stone.

With faith in your purpose you know what you deserve and you fight boldly against the negative forces pulling you from that purpose. You are unafraid to speak your mind and defend your values from a place of love instead anger.

And with a compelling vision of your future you courageously pursue the life and relationship you want and you create the environment necessary to have it. You hold yourself accountable to higher standards because you want to and it is only men with those standards who get what they want.

In our coaching, we spend a lot of time helping a man get crystal clear.

He becomes unapologetic in asking for what he wants and stating what he expects. He is emotionally confident and responds to frustration with clarity, strength, compassion, and empathy.

He declares a stronger set of values and personal accountability for being a man who is proud of himself.

He no longer tries to analyze his wife or tries to make her happy all the time. He stops walking on eggshells in his own home. He is confident in who he is being and how he behaves.

But all of those things are extremely hard to do if he has no sense of why he wants those things.

Are you clear about your “why”?

Your “why” lives in the land of your spiritual clarity.

You have to go there first before you can confidently think, feel, and act like a man who creates the life and relationship he deserves.

This is what makes a man subconsciously attractive to women – because he has a reason to look forward to the next morning and the morning after that and the morning after that…

Dan and I have a mission to bring men out from their shells of anxiety and frustration and we’re finding men all around the world who are starting to open up with us.

If you found this article and video helpful, come and join us in the Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable – it’s the perfect place for you to get the support, insight, encouragement and coaching you need to pull the curtain back and find the confident, attractive man you know is in there. Click here to find out more.

Or maybe you’ll just fill out my contact form and ask for a deep dive consultation with one of the wise, powerful men‘s coaches on my team.

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 60% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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