My Wife Said I’m Not a Strong Man

Don’t be afraid. This is actually going to help you…a lot.

Remember, I write these articles and make my videos for a slightly younger version of me. The fact that you may relate to these topics is pure coincidence.

I originally wrote this article as an email and the title was “When Did YOU Hand Over the James Bond Lipstick Tube of Whoop-Ass to Your Wife?”

So when I suggest you may have handed over a secret, James Bond 007 lipstick tube of whoop-ass to your wife or girlfriend – I’m talking from experience.

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Even though the men I work with are rock stars in the domain of their chosen profession, they can’t say the same when they walk through the door of their own home.

Why?

Because even though they’ve mastered the skills, tactics, knowledge and strategies of excelling at work…they feel like a wet noodle in the scary relationship realm of vulnerability, intimacy, marriage and sex.

They have supreme confidence in what they know and what they do.

But ONLY there.

And that’s the problem.

If you only have what I call Competency Based Confidence the only time you will feel confident (aka. calm, cool, collected) is WHEN YOU’RE DOING THOSE THINGS.

This may explain why many men spend a lot of time at work. It’s where they feel most comfortable – most acknowledged and most appreciated.

They get their sense of personal confidence and well-being only from what they are good at.

Hmmmm…I think you’re starting to get my point.

Watch this video about the difference between Competency Based Confidence and Spiritually Based Confidence:

YouTube video

“Confidence is something that ought to transcend what we know and what we do.” ~Barbara DeAngelis

As you heard me explain in the video, there is ANOTHER type of confidence that is entirely different from competency based confidence.

It’s called spiritual confidence.

This is what you need in the areas of your life where skill, knowledge and talent don’t count for much.

In the book, “Confidence: Finding It and Living It”, Barbara DeAngelis does a beautiful job of explaining the OTHER type of confidence.

“Ultimately, spiritual confidence is a quiet, gentle sense of peace. It fills your heart and nurtures your spirit. It allows you to travel your path knowing that you are on the right road, and trusting that wherever you are is just where you need to be.”

Do you know anyone in your life who seems to have that?

Yeah, most people don’t. It’s a rare type of confidence that doesn’t require demonstrated talent, knowledge or authority.

It’s a chosen believe system that tells you that you’re actually okay…just as you are right now. You’re bullet-proof to the judgments of others and their disapproval.

From this place you can’t be “hurt, insulted, controlled, offended or emasculated.” You’re no longer a victim of external input.

You’ve got a chosen frame of mind or a “lane” you stay in that supports the truth about your own well-being. You’re valuable, lovable and significant EVEN IF someone else is acting like you’re not.

This is the secret power we all really want. It’s not a tube of Whoop-Ass.

It’s secret tube of mojo. Calm, cool, collected, self-assured well-being.

Kind of like this guy.

Sleeping lion

Some men reading this will get it right off the bat. Just reading the description of spiritual confidence and why it’s important will cause a serious shift in their thinking which will change their life starting tonight.

Other guys (like me) need more help. And this help can only come from other initiated men who have ALREADY figured it out.

This is why we’ve created many ways for you to get involved in the community and start building your own foundation of confidence.

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 90% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

We still have 3 spots left for the Unapologetic Manly Confidence Retreat in the UK, April 24-27th. If you want to feel more confident, more deliberate, less edited, more open-hearted and easy going then join Dan and I for an intense shot to your system that will bring back your belief in yourself.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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