Why Your Wife Won’t Do What You Want Her To

I’ll never forget the words of a ruddy old horse trainer and the look on his client’s face when he heard them.

The client’s horse wouldn’t lope. That’s like a canter in English riding. It’s the next higher gear right after the trot.

Well, this guy’s horse would NOT lope. He tried for years to get her to lope. He would plead, kick, yell, make kissing noises and meditate on the problem.

Then he would buy a new saddle and some fancy shin boots for the horse. Then a new bridle and bit.

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Nothing. No matter what he tried the horse would NOT do what he wanted her to do.

When he approached the trainer with his history of problems, he was convinced there was no hope.

That was until the trainer asked if he could take a ride.

To the amazement of the horse owner, within 5 minutes his horse was loping happily in circles, changing directions and doing whatever the trainer asked.

When the trainer brought the horse back, her owner blurted, “Why can’t I get her to do that!?”

The trainer said:

“Because you’re not yet the kind of rider a horse will lope for.”

In this video I discuss what he meant and how we often get stuck in a similar place in our intimate relationships:

YouTube video

I’ve heard that said by men who were talking to other men about women and sex and affection, to guys who complain about not getting any attention or affection or intimacy from a woman.

And I’ve heard men say “well you’re not the kind of man that women are intimate with yet”.

That can hurt. That can really sting.

This is one of the examples of the kind of thing that we will be working on at the upcoming Horse Ranch Retreat in May.

What was going on in the round pen with this guy?

The trainer told him that there are three things going on here:

The first thing the horse knows is that you believe in your heart that she is no good. You’ve already given her the reputation that she can’t lope, that she’s hurt and that she’s broken.

Think about that…the horse believes that you think it’s broken. It knows that you think there’s something wrong with it. It can feel it in every fibre of your being.

The second thing the horse knows is that you’re intimidated by her, you’re afraid of her.

The third thing the horse knows is that you’re not sure who to be or how to be around her. She senses your tentativeness. She senses your uncertainty, your frustration and your fear.

When she knows that you feel that way, she can’t trust you enough to do anything you ask her to.

The difference between the man who owned the horse and the trainer was that the trainer knew that the horse could lope. The trainer knew thsat she would lope. The trainer knew how to ask a horse to lope.

He knew how he needed to be in his body, in the way he sat in the saddle. He knew how he needed to use the tone of his voice in a way that the horse understands when he asked her to lope.

I believe that there are parallels between horses and women – this is the comparison I’m trying to show you here.

Horses are prey animals and sometimes it helps to look at women in the same way – that they don’t speak the same language as men. They have a certain level of distrust and skepticism and fear in their bodies that they get from a very young age.

We’ve been socialising women in the recent past decades to be afraid. To be afraid of what men want, of what men ask for and who men are. What men really want and what men really think.

So with that amount of skepticism and doubt going on in her body, you’re in for a battle if you don’t know what you’re doing. If you think she’s broken. If you think she’s screwed up. If you think she’s crazy. If you’re intimidated by her or if you’re threatened by her or if you’re afraid of her – she knows it.

If you don’t know who to be or how to be, youy’re always going to be frustrated because you’re going to be trying things that don’t work. You’re going to try things that she doesn’t even understand or that she will resist even more.

So at the Horse Ranch Retreat coming up in Loveland, Colorado in May, that’s one of the many things that we’re talking about.

We’re talking about, how to be with a horse in a way that is confident. You know what it can do. And you know who you want to be and you know that you’re not afraid.

So you can experience what that kind of confidence feels like.

We’re going to be working on three other questions too. Those questions are:

1. Who are you really? What do you believe? What do you stand for?

2. What do you really want in this life? What do you want to create?

3. Where are you going? How are you going to get there?

It’s going to be three nights and four days and it’s going to be amazing. Private cabins by a river. Incredible ranch breakfasts…I can’t wait to get there and I can’t wait to share this story with you about learning to communicate with a horse in a confident, non-threatening way and asking for what you want in the way she wants to be asked.

Then you can start to feel in your body that confidence that you know who you are and you know how to ask for things in a way that doesn’t scare her off.

I’d love to see you there – click here to read more about the retreat – we only have four spaces left.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

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author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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