By: Steve Horsmon
Have you ever asked yourself, “Am I putting up with too much from her?” Maybe you can relate to this. Most guys can.
In fact, most women can too. All you have to do is switch the words around to get maximum benefit from this post.
Have You Been HERE Before?
I found myself getting irritated this past weekend. But, I didn’t say anything. Wrong place and time.
That’s when it started. You know that uneasy feeling you get when you start seeing the dark underbelly of someone else’s relationship?
The snide comments, the eye rolling, the snarky name calling and mean sarcasm?
Yeah, it was all coming from his wife. I wanted to grab him and go outside and talk.
Why is it that some men will put up with just about anything?
The Truth About Why We Put Up
I talk to a LOT of men. This guy happened to be a long time cop. A big, strapping tough guy with an easy going laugh and propensity for hugging after 4 beers.
Other guys I work with are commercial pilots, big time executives, successful entrepreneurs, you know – “hot shots”. And they all can have one thing in common.
In fact, ALL of us have this in common sometimes. What is it?
We don’t know how, when, or where to stand up to disrespectful, destructive behavior from women.
In public we laugh it off. Make jokes. Pretend it doesn’t bother us. You and I know better, right?
At home we can get angry, quiet, resentful, and “pouty”. You and I know about that too, I’m sure.
This issue is one of the most common conversations I have during my first meetings with guys. They want to know what to do about being treated badly by their women in many different ways in various situations.
We spend a LOT of time on exactly how THEY have been treating HER. It’s really hard to stand up with love and confidence to a woman when you know you’ve been pulling a lot of the same crap.
We work on putting a total stop to all that and starting some new ways of thinking, speaking, and acting. If a man commits to this on a consistent basis, he will eventually earn the right to go face to face with her with his emotional strength, conviction, and most of all, love.
So. What would I have told the cop?
Let’s assume he had already been working hard on HIS end. His energy was consistently positive and supportive. He was meeting her needs on a consistent basis. No question.
I would have coached him to quietly, and discreetly take his wife aside – away from the crowd and out of earshot.
He would have come up with his very own way of doing sometime like this.
While wrapping his arms around her and looking into her eyes, he would kiss her on the cheek. He would keep holding her in his strong arms and with eye contact he would say,
“Sweetie, I’m having fun here tonight with you and want it to continue. But in the last hour you’ve made comments to me and about me that are uncalled for and destructive to our relationship. You know what they are. I simply won’t sit here all night with you and that kind of negative energy. I don’t do it to you and I won’t accept it from you. The awesome woman I married knows how to treat a man better than that.”
Then he would kiss her again, let her go, and go back to the crowd.
He didn’t whine. He didn’t argue. He didn’t get angry. He didn’t even ask a question!
That’s very important. In times like these, a man doesn’t need to ask questions. It will lead to unnecessary discussions, blame, and arguments.
In times like these, a man simply makes a STATEMENT of his values. He states the facts. He makes his boundaries clear. And he doesn’t wait for comment.
Most importantly, he does this from a place of strength, respect and love.
NOT insecurity. NOT uncertainty. NOT fear.
What is the ONE THING That Makes This Possible?
This is only possible when he is crystal freakin’ clear on what he believes and what he wants for his relationship.
He is clear on his values and is not afraid to state them.
And he is willing to lovingly defend his boundaries with a calm, clear head.
He knows this mode of operation is the ONLY way to achieve the respect and quality relationship he deserves.
How Does He Learn THAT?
That’s the first part of what you and I will work on.
It’s what I do.
It’s my reason for being here in your life today. I’m pretty damn good at it too.
Let’s start our conversation this month. One phone call or email and we will get your head clearer than it’s ever been in your life.
It is the SAFEST relationship you may ever have with another man.
GO HERE to get my contact info.
The rest gets easier after that. Promise.
If something changes in you, something will definitely change in her and everyone you meet.
If nothing changes in you, then you will keep enjoying whatever it is you are enjoying now.
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