The Secret Cure For The Chronically Unhappy Husband

The common hidden agenda afflicting many good guys who wind up as unhappy husbands.

This may seem really obvious to you and you may hate me for it.

It’s like saying “Hey doc, it hurts when I do this. What should I do?”

And he says, “Well…don’t do that.”

Brilliant.

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In the case of the chronically unhappy husband, the secret cure is the same.

Stop doing what is making you unhappy.

But I know it’s not that easy…if it was, you would’ve done it by now.

The fact is the one thing us guys have the MOST control over, but spend the LEAST amount of time working on is this…

It’s our mindset.

While I know dozens of things you can do tonight that will make small improvements in your relationship, intimacy and sex life – none of them will matter as much as your mindset.

Mindset comes first because it’s never about what you’re DOING in life and love that matters. It’s who you are BEING when you do them.

I spent way too many years in the body of a man who did things to please others.

I did things to keep the peace. I did things with the purpose of making people like me. I did things to get along and not rock the boat.

I did things to get attention and crumbs of affection and sex.

Happy wife – happy wife…and all that mythical crap.

It’s the wrong mindset. Don’t do that.

It not only guarantees you will never get what you want – it ends up making you feel horrible about yourself.

When you feel horrible about yourself you start resenting those you think are responsible for it.

When they lose respect for you…you lose your self-confidence and self-respect.

Those are two major components of our happiness and our mojo.

Without them, there is really nothing we can do to make our life any happier. We make bad choices and weak decisions…otherwise known as “settling”.

Don’t do that.

We stay at jobs we know we should leave. We keep friends in our life who drain us of energy. And we put up with intimate relationships that aren’t even close to intimate anymore.

Don’t do that.

What do you do instead?

Make the very conscious, proactive and self respecting decision to get a “mojo makeover”.

What’s that mean?

It means getting clarity about your real power and purpose. It means reclaiming your confidence and boldness in creating a new reality.

It means getting a clear PLAN for taking the steps you need to be someone you’re proud of so you can feel HAPPY about your new path.

The chronically unhappy husband thing is kind of a misnomer because when you look at the guys who are chronically unhappy (and this was certainly true in my case) nobody would actually know.

What other peoiple see is the parties, the house, the job, the wife and all the trimmings of what seems like a totally normal life…but, there’s a seedy underbelly that noone can see.

To all appearances outside, whether at work or at play, you’re doing just great. But, when there’s missing affection, missing communication, missing intimacy, missing confidence, there’s also a missing sense of manliness and a missing sense of purpose and clarity about your life and where you’re going.

There’s a lot of really successful men out there that I get to meet all the time who are setting the world on fire to all appearances, but inside their heart they know they can be more, they can do more, they can have more when it comes to their romantic, commited and intimate relationships.

But we hide out.

We hide out because we’re a success to everyone else, and everywhere else we appear to be doing just fine, but we’re chronically unhappy because we know we’re not living up to our capabilities.

We know there’s something missing in us. There’s something wrong with the way that we’re showing up in our relationship. There’s something we’re not getting about women, about sex, about romance, about intimacies of all types, and when we don’t know that…we fake it…and when we fake it, we get chronically unhappy.

We’re living a secret.

And we can go like this for decades…which is my story. I went decades pretending that I was living the dream, when really my dream was to live deeper and more meaningfully. With more purpose and more direction and I didn’t get to do that.

I played shallow.

So that’s how I became chronically unhappy.

The secret to getting out of this, is realising later in life that happiness actually had nothing to do with being loved, with being given sex, with having parties or moving and buying houses…

Happiness has nothing to do with that. Because I was missing happiness within.

So the point I’m making, is, that there is nothing a man can do to make his marriage more enjoyable, more happy or more rewarding than to find his own happiness and his reason for being; and looking to others to fill our vesel by getting them to appreciate us, be affectionate toward us, like us, touch us, have sex with us, is the shallowest form of personal happiness.

I’d like to invite you to consider having a conversatin with me – a guy who’s been through the mill and understands all this, a guy who knows that you can have more, be more and live deeper and more meaningfully.

I’d love to have a conversation with you, hear how your life is going and help you identify how to make changes to live the life you want, filled with the love and appreciation you desire.

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

Photo: Flickr

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.

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