Save Your Marriage

By Steve Horsmon – January, 2013

With divorce rates consistently above 50%, this topic get LOTS of attention!  The problem with “Googling” the topic of “How to Save Your Marriage” is that you will wind up in places that don’t even apply to you and your situation.  But you will be tempted to start trying things, ANYTHING, to get your spouse/partner to stay with you.  This is a truly devastating and desperate point of your life.  Take a real deep breath and don’t say or do anything drastic.  At least, not yet.

Marriage saving remedies come in many varieties:

  •   Couples Counseling With a Licensed Professional
  •   Counseling One Spouse With a Licensed Professional
  •   Professional Life Coaches specializing in relationships
  •   Church counseling for one or both partners
  •   Do-it-Yourself Manuals for both people
  •   Do-it-Alone Manuals for one person
  •   Online Support Group Counseling
  •   Following the advice of friends and relatives…really?

Which route is right for you?  Nobody can tell you that with a quick answer and don’t trust them if they think they can.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

Each of the options come with processes, tools, programs, homework, recommended reading, and lots of talking.  No matter which option you choose, you will need a strong sense of commitment, faith, and willingness to do the work of looking at yourself and your role in the relationship.  The process will be absolutely life changing!  But it’s up to you to choose if that change will be a good thing for you or a bad thing. Change is coming to your life no matter what.  You have the power to decide what you’re going to do with it!

The best option for YOU depends on a lot of things.  A understanding of the current state of your relationship and its history is important.  Equally important is an analysis of each partner and their personal goals and personal issues.  The BEST situation is one in which both partners have a stated desire to stay married and grow together.  They readily admit that their marriage is missing something they both want and don’t know how to fix.  They want to take action before things get worse.  They are open to discussing all options for personal development and growth to save the marriage and make it better than ever before.

In this case, a couple will be successful with any high quality counselor, coach, or even a top notch DIY manual.  They will succeed because they are taking it seriously and they WANT to change.

But what if that isn’t YOUR situation?  What if your situation has these problems?:

  •   One spouse has totally disconnected
  •   There is a suspected emotional or physical affair
  •   There are frequent angry arguments and disrespectful behaviors
  •   Someone is already sleeping in a separate room
  •   There have already been threats of divorce
  •   You’ve been living like roommates for a long time

This situation is an EXTREMELY common predecessor to most divorces and the solution isn’t an easy one.  Feelings are raw, blame is high, distrust runs rampant, and respect is at an all time low.  Neither partner is well equipped to step up and start trying things that don’t feel right anymore.  The love is gone.  They feel obligated to try so they can say they “went to counseling” before deciding to divorce.  Some counselors even get blamed for the divorce when they call it as they see it – that one or both people have chosen to quit trying.

So what are you to do if you’re not ready to quit but she/he is?  You may not like the answer, but if you see yourself in the case above it is the only answer that makes any sense.  It is the only answer that is going to make this change GOOD for you no matter how it turns out.  It is the only answer that will create the type of change your partner can live with.  It also happens to be the only answer that will create the type of change YOU must make to have an incredible life – no matter what your partner chooses to do with theirs.

The answer lies in you.  This means changing you and how you see yourself in this world.  It means learning about things nobody ever told you.  It means becoming the kind of person that anybody would love to have in their life.  It means taking a journey of improving your relationship IQ, your self-awareness, and becoming confident in this new mindset.  It is THIS person your spouse wants to meet again.  It is THIS person your spouse fell in love with.  It is who you were meant to be and somehow lost.

It is a fact that you have not been the perfect partner.  Like most of us, you probably got married and thought that personal growth and development was pretty much over.  After all, you got the girl/boy, didn’t you?  Wrong.

The good news is that you have the power to choose.  Whether you are 25 or 65 years old, this next adventure is going to be the best one yet.  This is because you will discover that the pain and sadness of your current situation is going to make you stronger and better than ever.  There IS a person inside you who has the ability to say this and believe it:

“I have committed to making major changes in myself as a person and a partner.  I know I haven’t been perfect, but I’m working on it everyday.  I am becoming a person who is learning to understand and meet the needs of those I love.  I am also becoming a person who knows what I value, what I want, and what kind of partner I deserve in my life.  I’d love it if you choose to join me on this path.  I’ve made my choice.  I am going to have an incredible life with or without you.”

This is the answer to your current situation.  It may look scary, but it’s not.  It’s your only way through this.  It’s the only way your spouse can possibly gain enough admiration and respect for you to want to work on your marriage.  It means you have to be strong enough to know your good is coming even if you have to let go.

The process of arriving at this point is a trip and a program I call the “Epiphany Ridge Trail”.  It’s a great ride and may very well result in a saved marriage.  But the final destination for you is even better than that.  You can arrive at a vantage point where your values are rock solid, your confidence is strong, and your future is bright.

Google

Frequently Asked Questions


Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

We respect your privacy, read our privacy policy here