“She says she doesn’t trust me anymore.”
“She won’t even talk to me about why she’s so mad.”
“She doesn’t believe I’m ever going to change.”
These are some of the most common things guys tell me when intimacy and sex are disappearing in their relationship.
They want to know why it’s happening. What is she thinking? How do I FIX this.
The first part of understanding where you are right now is to understand how you got here.
The most important part of healing requires we admit we have a problem.
What’s the problem?
Distancing, disconnection and distrust are almost always created by the same thing.
It’s usually NOT what we’ve done…it’s what we didn’t do.
I’m not blaming you, brother. This is a two-way street. This isn’t all on your shoulders. But reversing the downward spiral needs to start with someone and that someone may as well be you.
In the video below I reveal what you need to do next. It’s what should have been happening all along between the two of you.
It’s scary. It’s hard. It’s something that most couples never do.
Instead they play games. Emotional chess, I call it. It’s a slow acting poison that kills relationships and leaves people feeling drained of connection and trust.
What is the silent killer of most relationships?
…It’s the lack of authenticity
…It’s the lack of transparency
…It’s the lack of honesty
…And the lack or openness.
Something I talk about a lot is when you start speaking your truth and you start being the man you want to be, you become more open, more transparent, more honest, more authentic and more vulnerable.
I talk about how vulnerability is the strongest place a man will ever get.
At my men’s retreats we had this exercise that scared the crap out of men…it scared the crap out of me too.
We went out to the empty grave I had pre-dug for my dog Chauncey, and we lay down in the grave.
While someone is in the grave, we talk about what we see in him, what we feel from him, what strengths he has, what gifts he has.
We laugh and we joke too, but most of all we show each other what it’s like to be totally freaking open, totally honest, totally transparent and totally vulnerable.
This is what feeling alive feels like.
Feeling alive is, not hiding, not playing games, not trying to fill up your days with doing stuff just to keep busy or to make money or just to get things done.
Being a man who is open, honest, authentic, transparent and vulnerable, means to be a man who is alive…and not lying in some grave.
So, when you come to a retreat, be prepared. We’ll put you in there. I go in there.
It’s a time when men hear things nobody has ever told them before. Men don’t tell each other what they see in each other.
The weird thing is that as you’re lying down there in the grave, for 2 minutes all you hear is really good stuff. Good, kind, heartfelt, loving stuff from other men.
It’s the most uncomfortable thing in the world.
Because it’s vulnerable.
And this is what we learn here, that strength is in your vulnerability.
So the message I want to tell you today – the silent killer of relationships for everybody, including women, in love, sex and marriage is the lack of openness, transparency, authenticity and vulnerability.
That’s what ruins relationships.
When you speak your truth.
When you’re being who you want to be.
When you don’t apologize for it.
That’s when you’re the most attractive, the most confident and the most strong man you’ll ever be.
My challenge to you is…are you ready to feel alive again?
So where do you go from here?
A lot of damage has been done and you’ve got no idea if you can pull out of this mess. The uncertainty right now is killing you.
There is only ONE WAY out. You have to choose to change YOU.
There’s no changing her, no fixing her, no convincing her and no reasoning with her.
She needs to trust again.
And that simply cannot happen without a consistent, committed effort on your part. Your efforts need to be ones you want to make for you….no matter what outcome occurs.
This is an effort to become the confident, honest, open, independent, decisive, clear headed man you want to be.
Dan and I help men do this through an intense, laser focused process of self-discovery and change.
This creates a rapid decrease in anxiety and increase in confidence and clarity.
And sometimes it makes a drastic improvement in their relationship.
But that’s not the point.
You have to keep your eye on the ball.
We don’t measure our success as a man by the reactions of others or by the outcomes we hope for. We have no control over those.
We measure our success by the degree to which we’ve met our own standards for character, emotional honesty, transparency and vulnerability.
That’s the strongest and most trustworthy place to live from.
And it’s only from there where she just might realize she can trust again.
There is a new group-coaching program starting on the 25th October.
This is a chance to join an exclusive group of high quality men who want to support and be supported by other high quality men.
We are here to share, listen, discuss and debate topics about men, women, sex, relationships and marriage…among other stuff.
I will be coaching you through our Masculine Confidence Intensive course over a period of 4 months. You’ll also be coached by Dan Dore who is the only other trained practitioner of my unique coaching approach for men.
This Program is For You If:
- You want to create an intense and permanent SHIFT in your mindset in order to feel clear in your decisions and confident in your actions.
- You want new tools, tactics and strategies to deal with your current challenges and emotional triggers. You want to be a man who operates to his own values and expectations of himself.
- You want to be a man who confidently faces difficult circumstances and responds with calmness and clarity while staying independent of any specific outcome.
If you want to be a part of an exclusive group of men who have your back then find out more about the Men’s Cave Group Coaching Program here.
If you like the sound of understanding who you are and where you’re going better then get in touch – apply for a free consultation call with me or my associate coach Dan Dore. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
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