It hurts when your wife wants to leave your marriage, we will do almost anything to fix it, but what’s the most effective solution?
In this article I explain why “trying to fix your marriage” is the wrong approach and a sure-fire way to screw it up. So what should you do instead?
Facing Your Fear And Pain
When men first reach out for help they are almost always feeling immense fear and pain…and they want to FIX that fear and pain right now!
All of the sudden your reality has changed and you don’t like it.
You thought the story was going to go one way and now it has made a terrible turn.
She wants space. She wants freedom. She wants to feel connection. She wants to feel alive. She wants to find herself. She wants to escape some vaguely defined prison of anxiety and pressure.
And apparently it’s all your fault.
This is when a man will want to talk about FIXING things – quickly.
He wants to fix himself, fix her and fix the marriage so the fear and pain will go away and everything can go back to being just like it was supposed to be.
When I explain the reality of what is in front of him he gets nervous.
I explain that he has no control over her feelings or her decisions.
I explain that the final outcome of his marriage is out of his hands.
And when I explain that the BEST CHANCE to fix anything is to start with fixing himself he will ask:
“Yeah but, what if I become a better man and she STILL leaves me?!”
Think about that for a minute.
What’s going on in his head here?
This is the most common mistake men make when trying to save their marriage.
They want to know:
“What if this doesn’t WORK?!”
What’s the matter with this line of thought?
Watch this video for a deeper dive into why this is stinkin’ thinkin’.
What if I Become a Better Man and She STILL Leaves Me?
The Problem With The Question, “What If It Doesn’t Work?”
When you decide to become more confident, calmer, clearer and grounded in your own sense of value and well-being…there is nothing that needs to “work”.
That IS the work. The measure of your work is not in the outcome of your marriage, her desire for you or any other EXTERNAL result over which you have no control.
You decide to become this man because it’s important to you no matter what.
And here’s the other thing we don’t get at first.
There is NO WAY the older version of you stands a chance of attracting her back into a relationship.
Panic, pleading, promising, pressuring and demanding will only make things worse.
The reality is that your future is uncertain.
But you can create certainty in how you respond and how you choose to THINK about this whole process.
And your first thought needs to be:
“F*ck this. I’m going to become the very best, strongest and most attractive version of myself no matter what. I want that for me regardless of the outcome.”
Now THAT attitude will serve you well. I guarantee it.
What happens when you read that? What do you FEEL right after saying that out loud?
It’s liberating. The knot in your gut loosen just a touch.
You begin to see that even in the discomfort of uncertainty and an unpredictable outcome in your marriage…you get to create your own certainty.
Creating Your Own Certainty When Your Wife Wants To Leave
I want to invite you to do the next uncomfortable thing to help yourself.
1. You already secretly googled stuff on the internet looking for help with your marriage Check.
2. You read this article. Risky. But you did it. Check
3. You actually read this far! Riskier. But you survived. Check
4. You’re thinking about taking another step. Good.
5. You can fill out an application to schedule a “No Strings, Deep Dive, Blow Your Mind, Feel Better Immediately Consultation Call” with a coach who has LIVED YOUR LIFE!
(ugh! Who the hell does that?)
6. You decide that this knot in your gut is a sign you’re supposed to do something big for a change. Something for you. No more games. (horrifying! not really…)
Try it. You’ll like it. No…you’ll actually love it. I promise.
Click here and answer some deep questions nobody has ever asked you before.
It’s a real wake-up call when your wife wants to leave you. Use this time in your life as a gift. No more gliding along. It’s time to start taking responsibility for the life you want to have.