No Intimacy and a Saddlebag of Excuses


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How’s your intimate life going these days?  Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10 with ten being a passionate and physical  inferno of mutual trust and satisfaction.  If you gave yourself a rating of 7 or less and you WANT to improve, the cause is probably in your “saddlebag of excuses”.  Before you read on, remember, I said I’m assuming you actually WANT to improve.

I’ll get to the saddlebag in a minute, but first, what exactly do I mean by “intimacy”?  It’s different for men and women, but not that much.   For men, important demonstrations of intimacy include the gamut of actions and emotions including:

  • A kind, affectionate, or supportive word
  • Feeling appreciated
  • An unexpected non-sexual touch or squeeze while watching TV
  • A warm hug and a peck on the cheek without pulling away
  • Holding hands or walking arm-in-arm
  • Kisses hello and goodbye
  • Harder kisses that communicate attraction and desire
  • Verbal teasing and foreplay in a fun and sensual way
  • Showering together with or without sexual contact
  • Privately talking honestly about desires and dreams
  • Talking dirty
  • Easy, comfortable, relaxed love making
  • Steamy, hot, vigorous love making

How many women would pick one or all of these items as well?  The answer is nearly 100%.  And if your lady denies it, she’s not a liar – she’s just not comfortable admitting it to you.  The truth is that for most women, there IS a man with whom they would like to admit it.  This man most often lives in their heads, books, or movies because you’re not that guy….yet.   Why, you ask?  The answer is in the saddlebag.

What’s in the saddlebag of excuses?  These are the excuses that men inevitably blame on their lack of intimacy.

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  • She’s never in the mood to give me what I need
  • She just isn’t attracted to me
  • She isn’t a sexual person
  • She puts me after everyone else
  • She always has a headache
  • She won’t even let me kiss or hug her
  • She thinks I’m a pervert when I touch her

The common denominator in the saddlebag is obvious.  Many men choose to believe that the ENTIRE issue lies with HER.  She is to blame for what they are not *getting*.  Use your brain, man.  Remember statistics?  It is not even mathematically possible that the issue is hers 100% of the time.  And remember, she is NOT THAT WAY with the guy in her head…ever.  Trust me.

I don’t like it when people say, “Trust me”, but on this topic – trust me.

So, what’s the secret?  What is it that you need to DO to compete with and eventually become the man in her head?  The secrets are revealed in “The 5 Secrets of an Unhappy Wife” To see it, just fill out the form in the right hand sidebar to request YOUR FREE COPY of this report.

As you will find out in the report, the SECRET has nothing to do with what you need to DO, in fact, that’s part of the problem.   It has to do with who you need to BETHAT guy has no trouble doing the right things naturally and becoming the new guy in her head.

Learning to be that guy is about as simple as joining a gym to get in shape.  It’s all a matter of committing to what is important to you.  I would hope your marriage is as important as your gym membership.

After you read the report, I need you to do two things

  1. Post your comments or questions right here
  2. Contact me to talk – no charge.  There is so much more you need to understand.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.

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