My Wife Doesn’t Feel Safe With Me

The realisation that your wife doesn’t feel safe with you or that she doesn’t trust you can be very confusing, especially when there’s no history of abuse, violence or even much arguing in your history with her.

Of course it’s more complicated than it first appears.

With all that is going on in the world at this moment in time, your future may be feeling the most uncertain and unsafe than it has for a long time, perhaps more than ever.

I’m always trying to give you clear directions to help you improve your relationship by first improving you, and at a time where anxiety levels are possibly higher than ever before, this tool of yours is like a super power.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

What is the tool?

It’s the tool of calmness

In a time of volatility, where almost everything you’re dealing with is subject to change, the one thing that you can rely upon is how you choose to meet the situation.

And the one thing your loved ones can trust, is how consistent you are at doing this.

I explain more in this video.

“The only safe ship in a storm is leadership” ~ Faye Wattleton

When we’re talking about relationships, there’s a common area that trips us men up all the time and it’s the NEED for her approval, her affection, her touch and intimacy.

In the book, Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson researched men and women‘s attachment styles and mentions an experiment into the difference between our sex drives. In the experiment she presented both men and women with sexually explicit images while they were hooked up to brain scanning equipment.

Other articles you may find helpful:

No More Sex. No more Patience?
How to Be More Confident With Women – Especially Your Wife

Interestingly, both sexes were EQUALLY aroused.

However, the women’s brains lit up in an area that didn’t light up in the men’s brains – the Prefrontal Cortex – the area of the brain that is concerned with control and judgment.

The researchers concluded that in response to a sexual cue, ALL women are preoccupied with safety at the same time (whereas men were not).

How does this relate to what’s happening right now in your relationship and the wider world?

If you don’t know how to create safety in your relationships then people will struggle to relax and open up around you which is a precursor to intimate connection of any kind.

Before you can lead your kids, your colleagues, your friends and your romantic partner anywhere you have to first and foremost learn how to lead yourself.

That means you have to find ways to stay calm.

Why?

Because leaders make measured decisions.

That doesn’t mean they can’t make quick, on-the-spot decisions.

When calmness is something you have practiced and learned how to control, quick decisions are still measured, but they’re not emotional reactions.

When you’re dealing with someone in a high anxiety, overwhelmed, stressed out, worried or otherwise obviously upset state, the BEST way you can support them and love them through it, is to stay in your own lane, stay in your own energy and not get dragged into the emotion.

You can’t help them when you’re both in an emotional state, in fact the majority of the time, both your emotions just magnify each other and you spiral down into stronger emotional reactions and more dramatic communication – which doesn’t end well.

How do you develop the tool of staying calm in your relationship?

In one aspect this is the same way you would develop any skill for work or DIY etc…

– Practice.
– Awareness.
– Reflection.
– Practice again.
– Repeat

But there’s another aspect to this that is KEY for your ability to be a calm, consistent, deliberate and pleased man, and that is DECLARING that calm confidence in your own decision making is something that you want.

Again, consistency is so important.

You can’t be calm only some of the time and still expect the same level of safety, relaxation and trust to be built.

Finally the secret sauce to BEING a source of calmness, a source of relaxation, a source of trust is understanding that this is an amazing MASCULINE gift that you can give to anyone, anytime.

You don’t need other people or circumstances to be a certain way for you to “stay calm”.

Other articles you may find helpful:

My Wife Wants A Divorce But I Don’t – What Should I Do?
3 Secrets to Become The Kind of Man Who Can Save His Marriage

You get to choose to BE calm.

To GIVE calmness.

To CREATE safety.

And then sit back and enjoy the more relaxed, connected, safe and trusting intimate moments that make up the rest of your life.

The best place for you to learn and practice growing your ability to remain calm in the face of a storm (whether it’s the weather, a virus or a woman’s emotions) is with a group of high quality, open hearted, generous and loving men.

We have created this in our community and right now it’s becoming even more important for men to have this support in your life.

Last night on our Roundtable group coaching call we had men from all walks of life including those the front line dealing with the current medical emergency around the Corona Virus.

We want you to experience what it’s like to have men who understand you and have your back as the new normal in your life.

So my question for you is…

Do you take up the challenge to declare that you want more calmness now you know it can hugely impact the trust and connection in your marriage?

In our coaching we take men through an intense program to build this muscle of calmness to the point where it is rock solid, where you no longer question yourself and can even laugh at how you used to get upset by what’s going on around you.

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our Mastering Connection With Women course starts again in May lead by Dan and Alexis – Receive live feedback on your energy and confidence. Find out what you need to do to own your sexuality and masculinity. Navigate tests and create more connection and intimacy with ease. Find out more and signup here.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and Steve host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Dan Dore Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Dan Dore is a certified professional Men’s Coach specialising in helping men who are struggling and feeling unhappy and unfulfilled i their life and relationships. With over 20,000 hours experience coaching men to completely resolve their self-esteem and confidence issues and improve their ability to create emotional connection, build trust, earn respect, and lead the sexual intimacy and affection in their relationship whenever they want. No more fearing rejection or other people’s opinion of you - I want to help you finally be happy in yourself and trust your ability to create anything you want in your future.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

You won’t find negative, hateful language.
You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

Have questions about your relationship?

Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men's Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.