How To Find Your Happiness After Divorce

Many people struggle for years after divorce trying to find their happiness again. They base that happiness on the other person and their choices, but that’s the path to more unhappiness. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Your happiness is not at the mercy of random events. Finding happiness after divorce starts by deliberately managing the perspective you’re choosing to look through and the meaning that you are giving to that perspective.

A Starting Point Of Happiness

Whatever you can do with unhappiness, you can do better when you’re happy. ~ Michael Neill

This notion blows my mind every time I come across it.

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It doesn’t have an immediate impact until you put it in proper context.

We are socialized to believe that “happiness” is a result instead of a starting point.

Therefore, when problems, offenses and dissatisfactions cross our external path we tend to believe those external events CAUSE our unhappiness.

And THEN we proceed to fixing them…dealing with them…doing battle with them from a trench of unhappiness.

When we try to deal with unpleasant events and feelings from a starting point of unhappiness, we are unspeakably ineffective.

The downward spiral of anger and resentment begins. Every single time.

It poisons your sense of self-confidence and it poisons your relationships.

My first five decades were pretty decent, but I wasted a LOT of time in anger, resentment and judgment of everyone and everything that dared to “make me unhappy”.

This was especially true as my marriage was ending shortly after my 50th birthday. It appeared things were setting up for a pretty crappy decade.

Boy was I wrong.

I wanted more. I wanted to change the way I approached life.

I dug deep into my thinking, hired some amazing coaches, traveled to intensive training events, spent countless hours reading and talking with wise people and I came to an embarrassing realization.

I had it all wrong. I thought happiness, intimacy, aliveness and passion were caused by random events that happened to me.

When I realized those things are already inside me, my next decade exploded…in a really good way.

In this video I try to help you with your new realization and your next decade.

YouTube video

The Key to a Happier Day, Marriage…or Decade

Accept Responsibility To Create Your Happiness After Divorce

My video may have sounded excessively “woo-woo” to you.

Believe me, I’ve got a low tolerance for woo-woo platitudes that have no practical context or application.

That’s why I like to shoot videos and talk about this stuff in a corral full of horse shit. It keeps me grounded and humble.

My point is this. This stuff is critically important to you.

There is only ONE WAY to “fix” your insecure feelings of fear, anger resentment, judgment, loneliness, abandonment, rejection, desperation and the big one…”unhappiness”. (how many of those can you check off?)

You must accept the responsibility for how your THINKING is creating those feelings.

This doesn’t mean the objective facts around you are not true and not happening.

It simply means you MUST LEARN TO LET GO of the childish desire to control and manipulate those objective facts in order to achieve your own well-being and happiness.

Stop Focusing On What’s “Wrong”

Do you want to learn how to do that and start living each day from a secure, confident and happy frame of mind?

This is what we do for men.

It’s what we love to do 24/7. It’s all we think about.

And we’re really good at it.

There is a reason most men tell us that a one-hour phone call with us gave them more insight and actionable guidance than a year of therapy.

There is a reason a man gets off our consultation calls with his head up and shoulders back and a spring in his step.

It’s because we don’t let you focus on what’s “wrong”.
We teach you to focus on what’s right, what’s true and what’s possible when you decide to stop blaming events and people for your shitty feelings.

Happiness is a place to start from. It’s not a result or place to get to.  Trying to control what’s others are doing leads to chronic resentment. Learn to take responsibility for how your thinking creates your feelings. Creating happiness after divorce can lead to the best next 10 years of your life!

I want you to experience this.

I want you to explore what “personal growth” really means for a man like you.

And I want YOU to want that.

Click this link to go to the Contact page on my site.

Fill out the unusually personal questions.
Be honest. Be thorough.
Let us show you something you didn’t expect.
No strings. No sales pitch.
That’s a promise.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.
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