How to Create More Fun in Your Marriage

Have you ever had that “not so fresh” feeling?

I’m not referring to your hygiene. I’m talking about your overall mood, energy level and attitude.

I’m talking about those times when you feel almost numb or FLAT. You’re neither high nor low. You’re stuck between first gear and reverse. The engine is running but you’re not going anywhere. And you’re concerned about that.

This can happen at any time – good times or bad.

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I’m usually talking about a guy whose marriage is stuck in limbo and he’s anxious because things aren’t going anywhere. But it also happens to men who have started making improvements.

What should you do when this happens?

Let me make it easy for you.

Do nothing. That’s right. Don’t try to DO anything.

Think of it like the space between your heartbeats. It’s there for a reason. Your heart isn’t a constant pressure pump. There’s time between the “lub-dubs” for recovery.

For all you medical experts (big bro) just humor me. It’s a metaphor for Pete’s sake.

What if that space between your life’s high and low points is an engineered space meant to give you time to recover, rest, think, reset, learn and grow?

What if you actually don’t need to figure anything out or do anything or worry about crap?

Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.~English Proverb

I’ve discovered an uncomfortable truth about myself and most of the men I work with.

We are wired for REACTION. We seem to be programmed for detecting trouble.

Then we give it an identity (the “Problem”). Then we analyze it to death with amazing speed and intensity. And then we get on with FIXING it. And if people are involved, dammit, we will FIX THEM TOO!

Advanced Mojo Management Mastery

An author named Mark Manson has become famous for his book and course called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck“. I highly recommend it. It’s not about apathy. And it’s not about detaching from life.

It’s a smart look at your unique mental capacity to CHOOSE what you will care about and that which you will not. It’s about taking responsibility for choosing your response to problems and choosing a path of action that suits YOU.

My version of Advanced Mojo Management Mastery is similar. I teach men how to choose a response and a path that quickly builds clarity of values, strength of character and confident masculine presence.

However, I’ve learned we typically avoid learning this stuff until a MASSIVE problem (divorce anyone?) smacks us in the head and puts us in search of answers.

We’re stuck in this limbo land of uncertainty feeling flat, disconnected and bewildered.

Perfect! This is the space between the heart beats of your life. You’re somewhere between the high of joyous certainty and the low of tumultuous uncertainty.

This is your calling. This is your time to reset – recalibrate – learn – and grow.

You don’t need to “fix” anything or anyone.

You just need to be a man who seizes this time to change yourself. After all, “the only way a change in your circumstances will occur is if something new comes into your life or something new comes out of you.” (B. Burchard)

This didn’t happen for me until around my 50th birthday. I’m always a bit torqued when a sharp minded 35-year-old contacts me for help. I wish I started earlier but, hey, we’re ready when we’re ready. My 58th birthday is coming up next week. Here’s a video about my plans for that!

YouTube video

One of the problems in being a men’s coach is that you need to walk your talk, you need to take your own advice, you need to practice what you preach, and it’s not always easy.

I’ve been talking a lot about Mojo and about how to get out of that flat feeling where you don’t feel motivated.

Recently, I was talking to my sweetheart, we have birthdays coming up here next week and she said, “Well, we never really do anything for our birthdays.”

In my mind, what I heard was, “You never plan anything for birthdays.”

So part of being in your masculine frame, part of having masculine Mojo, is understanding that sometimes you need to be the “keeper of the spark” in your relationship.

Sometimes to have that lover energy even as a 58 year old fart like me.

Yeah, you have to remember there’s a role to play in the masculine frame and that’s to keep things fun, keep things lively.

So when she said we’d never do anything fun for birthdays, I took that as a challenge.

I went online, I said, guess what, she’s never been in one of these puppies before…

And I rented this a 32 foot beast of an RV for four days.

We’re going to get in this RV, we’re going to load it up with food and drink and take a couple dogs, we’re going to head down to Pikes Peak and explore that whole area.

I’m only two hours from there. But I haven’t done a whole lot of exploring all around, Pikes Peak area Garden of the Gods and all of that stuff.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

And in this article, I want to encourage you as the man in your relationship to remember that sometimes being the “keeper of the spark,” that lover, means being the guy who practices what he preaches.

If you’re into this self-work and you’re reading about being the kind of guy you’re proud to be, then remember, sometimes you have to step up and take the lead in creating the spark, creating the fun, creating the mystery, the unpredictability.

I’m even going to make her drive this thing just so she could have a little more unpredictability in her Life.

So that’s what I want to give to you today – how are you keeping the spark alive in your relationship?

What could you do that is bringing a little of that lover energy?

These are the kinds of things we discuss a lot in my community of men. We are always pushing ourselves to be better, to have more fun, to know what being a man you’re proud to be actually means for you.

I want to invite you onto this path with me and hundreds of initiated men who want to support you.

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and Steve host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

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author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
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  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
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  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
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  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

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