Are You F@#$%*G Crazy? Reacting vs. Responding

Here’s the scene.

You’re at work, running behind schedule, and there’s a stack of “to do’s” piling up.  You’re stressed.  Then your boss or customer calls with an “urgent” matter they want you to work on.  Maybe it’s a brand new assignment, a complaint, a personnel problem, or even a new order you’re not sure you can handle.

How do you respond?

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If you’re anything like me, you take a deep breath, gather your “calm voice” and talk through the problem.  You wrangled your stress for the moment and gave that person the best side of you in the interest of the relationship and long term business success.

You understood the CONSEQUENCES of not losing your cool.  It’s important to you that this person feels like you care about them and their problem.  You really want to maintain their respect. You successfully resisted the most appropriate response in your head which was, “Not just no, but hell no.  Are you f#$%ing crazy?!?”

However, if you’re like me, those words have slipped out more than once at home.  If not those words, a similar sentiment and tone which had the same affect.  You allowed yourself to react – not respond.  You actually KNEW the probable consequences and went for it anyway.

Why do we do this?  I know why I have done it.

Resentment.  Anger.  Indignation.  Sexual frustration.  Need to “get even”.

Can you add any more to the list?

What’s crazy is that we KNOW better.  In our incredible rational, logical minds we know our pending reaction is about to cause even more problems in our relationship.  We know it will do nothing to repair the environment which has helped cause all those feelings listed above.

As much as we would like to expect our women to embrace this notion and control their outbursts toward us, this isn’t about them, is it?  You can’t make their choice for them – and sometimes – they feel like they can’t either.  Emotion and words can fly out of your woman with wild abandon sometimes.  It happens.  But, guess what?

Sometimes the only RESPONSE she is hoping for from you is a calm, solid, unrattled energy.  Whether you agree or not or can solve her problem or not is NOT the issue.  Sometimes she simply wants to see if you can handle her with the rock solid foundation she needs to feel from you.  And sometimes that means giving her “the look” or gently letting her know where your boundaries are.

But the last thing you need to do to yourself AND her is to allow yourself to get dragged into negativity.

I know.  It’s hard.  Being a man is tough work.  But you can do it.  Be a consistent demonstration of positive energy.  Refuse to be put on the defensive.  Accept that she needs to feel strength from you and sometimes will “ask” with negative energy.

In other words – RESPOND.  You should KNOW that these things will happen.  By this time in your relationship you already know her top 10 ways to push your buttons and test your strength.  So don’t allow it to drag you down.

Plan your response so you can avoid the destructive reaction.  It is destructive to you, to her, and the relationship.

One of my coaching specialties is helping you with good responses to ANYTHING.  There is always a better energy and better words you can use to create a TOTALLY DIFFERENT feeling for her.  This is part of your job – creating an environment where trust, respect, and attraction can thrive.

Email me your situation and your typical reaction.  I will return to you a customized RESPONSE which will get her attention.  But beware, after that she will continue to test you to see if she can get some MORE of THAT energy.

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Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.
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