Why Doesn’t My Wife Want Sex With Me?

I want to explain something critically important to you in as few words as possible.

Short, sweet and directly to the point.

It’s an unconscious habit that negatively influences EVERY MAN’S sexual energy, attractiveness and, therefore, the quality of his sex life.

What’s the trait she can smell at the molecular level every time you do it?

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It’s the constant churning of a hidden agenda to convince, persuade, manipulate or BARGAIN your way into her pants.

Let me make this really clear.

She can smell the following things like a wet dog on her pillow:

  • Any attempt to do something with an expectation you should get sexual reward in return
  • Any unspoken sense of entitlement to her body and genitalia
  • Any implication that you’re keeping score and she owes you something
  • Any feeling that you’re tricking her into a secret contract in which the payoff is you getting what you want
  • Any expression of anger, judgment, retaliation or criticism whenever you don’t get what you want

What to Do Instead

Do you remember the time when physical affection was effortless?

Do you remember when you could see right into her eyes that she was ready and willing to be intimate?

Do you remember how damn EASY everything felt back then?

Here’s what was likely going on for you both back then. Let’s call it “Plan A”:

  • You had an unspeakable trust in each other
  • You were naturally kind, thoughtful and considerate
  • You had unquestionable positive regard and respect for each other
  • You were quick to forgive and quick to reconnect
  • You really, really LIKED each other for who you each were
  • It was the perfect passionate storm, wasn’t it?

Now that you’re an “old married guy”, guess what my advice is if you want to rekindle desire in your relationship?

Yep…go back to Plan A. Go back to the REAL reasons you originally enjoyed easy touch, playful affection and mutual passion.

STOP playing the new games. They don’t work and will never work.

I know! It’s almost too obvious!

The reason most couples just can’t go back to Plan A is because they’ve entered the twilight zone of their relationship called DISILLUSIONMENT.

It’s the stage of marriage that EVERY ONE hits at some point.

The obstacles seem insurmountable.

You can only remember bad things…hurtful things.

You wonder if you’re even compatible anymore or if you just chose the wrong person.

And those “tingly down there” feelings of love, attraction and desire have been replaced by tingly feelings of pain in your ass.

Why This is Actually Good News

Most guys have no idea that this stage is normal…no, not normal. It’s an absolute REQUIREMENT if you want to get to the next stage of relationship.

Yes. This weird, icky, power struggling phase of resentment and second guessing is the door through which we LEARN NEW STUFF.

My friend and marriage therapist, Jed Diamond, says the next stage is where the good stuff happens. It’s where REAL love is created. The next stage is where true understanding, acceptance and reconnection can happen.

It’s like falling in love again. But this time is for REAL.

No more games. No more bargaining. No more secrets.

Your challenge is to realize that it takes ONE person to see this stage for what it is and decide to starting changing immediately.

It takes a man to decide to stop the free fall into disillusionment…which normally ends in misery whether you stay married or not.

You see your part in getting to this phase and you will see your role in getting out of it.

You’ll relax and breathe again. You’ll stop all the silly thoughts and the “smelly” games that have helped create this phase of competitive struggle.

And you will START being the kind of man who leads himself and his marriage back into PLAN A energy.

It all starts with you which is why I’m dedicated to coaching only men.

I believe there is NO SUCH THING as a happy, loving, secure, mature, affectionate and passionate relationship without a man at the helm who confidently and naturally embodies those same traits.

The only thing we need to create the life we want is to BECOME the very nature of the life we want.

And that takes courage and commitment to becoming that man no matter what.

In our coaching and courses we go DEEP into the fear and insecurities that crush a man’s courage.

Here are some options for you to join us and start creating a whole new reality for yourself:

The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

The MEXICO MOJO MASTERY retreat for March 2020 is now 40% full! This is an advanced retreat for men who have had one-on-one coaching or have attended other retreats.and we can’t wait to meet up again in Punta Mita at the Hacienda Alegra. Click that link for some mind-blowing pics.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.
The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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