Dorothy pulled the curtain back and found the truth. Can you be that brave in your relationship?
Do you remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy pulls back the curtain on the all-powerful and scary Wizard?
“I think you are a very bad man,” said Dorothy.
“No, you are all wrong,” said the little man meekly. “I have been making believe.”
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“Making believe!” cried Dorothy. “Are you not a Great Wizard?”
“Hush, my dear,” he said. “Don’t speak so loud, or you will be overheard–and I should be ruined. I’m supposed to be a Great Wizard.”
“And aren’t you?” she asked.
“Not a bit of it, my dear; I’m just a common man.”
This is where she discovers the truth about all of his hot air and intimidation tactics.
He’s a scared little man. Not all that bad really. Actually quite sweet and helpful.
Now that we see who he really is it’s funny to think how frightened everyone was by his silly tricks. The Scarecrow almost fell apart and the Lion almost crapped his pants.
Have you ever felt the same way in front of your wife or husband?
Intimidated? Over powered? Scared? Angry?
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This trick sounds very simple, but’s it takes practice.
You must be feeling strong and you must be brave.
Someday very soon your partner is going to do or say something that will trigger you. It will make you want to defend yourself or fight back with a vengeance. You may want to run for the hills to avoid the situation.
Do this instead.
Assume at that very moment behind their curtain is a very young, frightened girl or boy. Then, right in the middle of your triggered emotions, lean in toward them and take a peek inside the curtain.
Do you see their little face flushed with anger and contorted with fear?
Notice their dirty little hands and ratty jeans and untied shoes.
Look inside their eyes for the tears of frustration about to burst out all over their red, puffy cheeks.
Why should you do this?
Because what you see is the truth. Because your partner needs you to know about their scared inner child and not be intimidated by him/her.
Every damn one of us has got that kid lurking just beneath the surface. And he/she is very good at acting all grown up, logical, self-righteous and intimidating.
Don’t buy it. It’s all an act.
He is a common man and she is a common woman.
What to do With This Information
If you’ve made it this far and you’re still with me, the rest is easy.
What does every single scared, upset and angry kid need?
They need to feel the safety of your unrattled presence.
They need to feel the comfort of your calm, curious attention.
They need to feel the rock-solid assurance of your love.
Simple. That’s all you need know about the Wizard of Oz trick. It’s as simple as showing empathy and compassion for another person’s fear and insecurity.
You must start with the assumption they mean you no harm.
It only takes one partner to do this to get the ball rolling.
This one trick can keep you from getting sucked into arguments and cycles of accusation and blame.
Do it tomorrow. Then do it again the next day. And the day after that.
Only two things will bring change to your relationship – something new will come into it or something new will come out of you.
And you’ve only got control over one of those.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.
You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.
Photo Bettina Strenske/Flickr
