Knowing how to deal with Valentine’s Day When Your Wife Wants Space is a minefield for a lot of the men we coach. What is the right thing to do?
The week before V-day is filled with tension and anticipation and the week after can be filled with disappointment and frustration.
The problem is magnified when your marriage is on the rocks.
Don’t Be Fooled
The right flowers or card won’t melt her heart and land you with kisses.
No brother, she doesn’t want an expensive dinner or a dozen roses right now.
The Hallmark holiday people, the flower industry and the diamond jewelers have all painted a romantic picture of you picking out the PERFECT gift to express your undying love and commitment.
The imagery always shows a beautiful couple enjoying the moment of a tender kiss, a loving moment and her adoring look of gratitude for you being the man she’s always dreamed of.
And you just KNOW there will be some sweet lovemaking before the day is through.
Gulp. If you’re anything like me these commercials can get you every time.
Us guys have been programmed to believe there is a cultural norm around this holiday whereby the man finds the perfect token of his love and he will receive all the love, adoration and affection he can imagine.
If you’re reading this email you already know that’s a crock. That trick hasn’t worked for years if your marriage has been struggling.
But you’re probably going to try anyway, aren’t you?
Give Her NOTHING for Valentines Day (take something away instead)
So How Do You Survive Valentines Day When Your Wife Wants Space?
What if the best gift you could give her was to take away the following?
What if you replaced those with these?
What Do YOU Really Love?
How do YOU feel when you spend quality time with someone who is sincerely happy and light in their own skin?
How do you feel when the mood around you is playful, amusing and enthusiastic?
How do you feel when you’re offered something surprising, exciting or scary?
How about his Valentine’s Day you decide to TAKE AWAY any negative energy associated with your marital frustrations?
What if you simply TAKE AWAY the pressure of talking about the relationship and the expectation of certainty?
It would be an amazing gift for both of you, actually.
What would you absolutely LOVE to do? Something unconventional. Something scary. Something exciting.
Think of things that would make you laugh or feel nervous. (one guy recently decided he’s signing up for his and her 40th Anniversary sky-diving jumps).
Maybe a picnic hike with a great bottle of wine? Maybe an escape room date? Maybe make your own pizza night with the kids where you do all the planning, prep and work?
Get creative. You can do this. You really can!
And here’s the most important part.
Take away ALL EXPECTATIONS for any particular reaction or outcome. (including Valentine’s Day sex)
The whole point is to take away old patterns of disappointment and pressure.
Simply choose to BE light. Be playful. And BE surprising.
No matter how she responds on the outside, she will quietly appreciate the gift on the inside.
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There you go. You now have 3 things to TAKE from your wife this Valentine’s Day. The same applies for your anniversary, her birthday, mothers, day, etc. She will notice if you’ve replaced those 3 things with playful and fun behaviors. When it’s V-day and she want’s space simply enjoy your new behaviors for yourself. She just might enjoy them too. either way, you’re going to have a great time.