Are You Making This Common Relationship Mistake?

There’s something I want to share with you in this article…

I’m seeing a lot of men falling into a huge trap.

This can be a trap if you’re married, in an exclusive relationship…or even if you’re single.

Having a girlfriend can be a HEALTHY decision or it can be a messy, emotional cry for help.

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You can make her the delicious icing on your cake.

Or you can make her the flour in your cake – the very source of strength, stability and confidence in your life.

Guess which one I want for you.

Here are the 3 signs you know you’re not ready for a girlfriend yet.

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The first sign you’re not ready for a girlfriend – You’re still married. 

You’re still married and thinking that you want a girlfriend too and that it might just work out. Maybe you’re “working on your marriage” but you have a girlfriend that you’re sexting with or that you go out with and have sex with.

Maybe you talk to another woman at lunch and you’re flirting like crazy because you’re trying to find some sense of confidence, some sense of value or worthiness.

I’m here to tell you that if you actually think that your marriage has a chance, then getting a girlfriend is NOT the answer.

It’s a distraction from building the skills you need to be able to become a strong, confident, courageous, self-reliant man who knows how to lead his relationship to a more loving, exciting place. Alternatively if you don’t want to revive your marriage then the next best thing for you is o become a man who ends the relationship the right way, with love and consideration for her.

You don’t just start talking to other women because the woman you’re with isn’t working out.

That’s a sign that you’re looking for some kind of validation and strength outside of yourself.

The second sign you’re not ready for a girlfriend – You think that she makes you feel better about yourself.

You have a girlfriend and she makes you feel strong, she makes you feel confident, she makes you feel brave and she makes you feel happy.

This is the mindset that a woman can make you feel something that you can’t.

Yes, a woman in a healthy relationship can cause you to feel connection, affection, appreciation and love and Yes, those are the feelings we all want to feel.

However, having a girlfriend BECAUSE you can’t feel happy, strong or courageous without her, having a girlfriend BECAUSE she somehow completes you, feeling empty or feeling like you’re unable to be apart from her because she fills up all your buckets of wellbeing – those are sure fire signs that you’re NOT ready for a girlfriend.

Feeling strong, brave, confident and courageous is a requirement in your marriage; it’s also a requirement in your relationship with your kids and in your relationships with your friends. You don’t want to only feel those things when you’re with a woman.

So the second sign that you’re not ready for a girlfriend is that you’re preoccupied with the idea that somehow this woman completes you or makes you feel strong, confident and courageous.

The third sign you’re not ready for a girlfriend – You like the idea of a plan B.

You get a quiet reassurance from the idea that there’s a backup plan and that you have a safety net, which makes you feel emotionally safe.

This is the idea that, if you’re in a bad relationship now, you can start being brave and cocky and pushing the edges with your girlfriend or wife BECAUSE you have a plan B.

This is much like the first reason. If you have your eye on another ball, there’s no way that the ball you’re working with now can be fixed.

And if you’re a man working on trying to become more self reliant, more confident, more outcome independent, more courageous and more happy in yourself without somebody else making you feel that way…a plan B is a sure sign that you don’t feel that way.

Do you see the pattern here?

The secret is to know that you have to become whole FIRST.

You know you’re not ready for a girlfriend if you think a girlfriend is the answer to things that you feel like you’re missing inside yourself.




Those things don’t come from another woman. You have to make sure that you have them inside yourself.

When I got with my girlfriend 7 years ago I had to ask myself those same questions…

Am I doing this for the right reasons?

It was a tough question.

This is what I want for you too.

I want you to be sure that while you’re trying to fix your marriage or thinking about getting into a new relationship, you’re not relying on these people to give you that sense of value, sense of importance or sense of significance.

Confidence, courage and happiness come from inside you.

We love to help men understand when they’ve been searching for their confidence and happiness in the wrong places. Often it’s these very subtle things that are unconsciously causing their relationship to nosedive.

We would love to help you become more confident, more courageous and more happy in the areas of your life where you’re struggling.

Either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program.

Come and join us and some other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now, join our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.

Find out more about our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self realization.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what I want for you brother,

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.

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The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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