Hey brother,
First, I want to invite you to our group coaching call this week at 12pm mountain time, the topic of the call is “What If Your Relationship Problems Really Are IRRECONCILABLE??“
In this call we will address:
What kinds of conflicts are truly deal-breakers?
The 3-Step Emergency Triage for You AND Your Marriage >>
How can you accept your differences without needing to break up?
What does “incompatibility” really mean and is it really true?
What are the MINIMUM VALUES for you to have a happy, healthy relationship?
We’re going to have a great conversation that’s guaranteed to help you feel more clear and more connected to the man you want to be.
If this call sounds interesting to you, join our Men’s Roundtable here.
(You’ll also gain access to 5 years of recorded previous group coaching sessions and our private Facebook community).
Now onto today’s newsletter…
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>
I’ll just say it and get it over with.
Women can be a lot like horses.
It sounds innocent enough but I’ve gotten a lot of crap over comparing women to animals. It’s a metaphor, for Pete’s sake. (actually it’s a simile for you grammar freaks)
A woman once told me, “You guys are like dogs. A kind word, a good meal and rub on the belly every now and then and you’re good to go. Simple bastards!”
Hell yes, sister! Now you’ve got it. Most of us can go without food or water for week with just one “You’re such a good boy!” show of appreciation.
So, I don’t apologize for using horses to make my point about women
What’s my point?
In general, women spend MUCH more of their day evaluating risks, looking over their shoulder and avoiding anything that could put them in physical danger or emotional discomfort.
Just like horses.
Horses are prey animals…dogs are predators.
In general, when it comes to the heterosexual romantic, intimate and sexual dance women are more concerned about safety… men are more concerned with conquest.
This is one of the most important insights every horse trainer is taught right up front. And if they don’t understand this or just aren’t interested in this fact, they will face nothing but frustration their entire life trying to get along with horses.
Most of them will quit…and the rest end up beating up horses for a living trying to “break them”.
This video explains more graphically what I want you to know about how women think and feel sometimes.
You have way more power in rebuilding trust than you might think
I probably don’t need to type much more because I know you’re a smart guy and you’ve already figured out where I’m going with this.
You are most likely in a committed, monogamous, intimate and sexual relationship with one woman. Let’s just focus on that.
Her daily sense of safety, security and emotional well-being is challenged from many angles. Her childhood, her parents, her friends, Cosmo and Facebook are all badgering her.
Even her past experiences with other men and your last few years together give her enough DATA to tell her she’s not safe, she’s not loved and she’s not good enough.
Have you ever felt like that? I bet you have and that’s called empathy. You don’t have to be her in order to understand how that feels.
The Big Problem
The big problem is that it’s IMPOSSIBLE to have true compassion if we are suffering from the same affliction.
If you are feeling unsafe, unloved and not enough of a man…you’re pretty much screwed in giving her what she needs from you right now.
Some therapists think this requires both people to jointly learn about each other’s insecurities and wounds so they can help nurture each other back to safety, connection and intimacy.
The big problem is this almost never happens simultaneously.
And in a stale, troubled marriage that’s locked up in limbo land, there’s only one thing that can help.
ONE of you needs to find your way back to your natural state.
Brother, your natural state is well-being.
Your default state is calm, confident, clear-headed, self-respecting and safe.
It’s a silly smirk you feel inside yourself that says you’re okay. And because you’re okay, you can generously empathize with others without feeling threatened or intimidated.
Sadly, nearly every man I talk to in the beginning is suffering from feelings of fear, threat and intimidation in his relationship.
And as you know, I don’t let him spend much time blaming someone else. He created that monster.
He “thought” his way into this mess and he can think his way back out of it and into a brand new reality.
I’m hoping this is the year you decide to create your new reality.
And I want to see the lightbulb moment you have when this shit really starts to click with you.
