How to BE More Confident and Attractive to Your Wife

I read something really funny the other day.

A man was asked, “What do you think the THREE most important aspects are in a good sex life?”

His answer?

The proper length/girth ratio
Being able to last a minimum of 30 minutes
Is there a number 3?

This is funny because it’s not far from the truth in how many of us have traditionally measured sexual success and prowess.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

But in my humble (but correct) opinion, it’s the wrong measure.

We do this a lot.

Like when it comes to measuring your MOJO.

MOJO is an incredible cocktail of groundedness, mental clarity, emotional strength, calmness, confidence, self-respect and peace of mind.

And how have most of us traditionally measured MOJO?

With a “Femometer”.

This is a highly unpredictable gauge of feminine approval, respect, validation, trust and desire.

When you look at the “Femometer” for a measure of your MOJO you’ll notice the needle bounces around like a polygraph test.

And along with that needle, so goes your feeling of MOJO. It’s all over the place.

Don’t do that. Do this instead.

Create your own MOJOMETER. (noun: mo – JOM ‘ – eter)

I explain more in this video.

When it comes to measuring what level MOJO you’re at, on a scale from 1-10 of how you’re feeling about yourself today, many guys will answer “I don’t know, ask my wife”.

It’s an old joke, but there’s an element of truth to that.

Sometimes we use feminine feedback – how much she seems to like us. how much she loves us, how much she wants to touch us, how much she wants to be with us or how much she approves of us – we use that as the measure for how well we’re doing. But I’m here to tell you that it’s the wrong measure.

If you use the measure of an external source, namely feminine approval, validation and attention, you’re going to constantly feel like your emotions are on a see-saw. You’re emotions will be all over the place.

Other articles you may find helpful:

The Uncomfortable Truth to Getting What You Really Want in Your Marriage
Is This the Reason That Your Wife Is Acting Distant?

So what is MOJO anyway?

MOJO is a cocktail of peacefulness, groundedness, a calm confidence, a deliberateness in your body, a sense of clarity in your mind about what you think, what you believe, who you know yourself to be, what you want and where you’re going in life.

I want to help you to be at a Mojo level of 9 or 10 out of ten most days. So I made a new gauge for your MOJO.

The Mojometer… a highly accurate gauge calibrated by top members of the state and federal Departments of Weights and Measures, to be dead-on balls accurate. (My Cousin Vinny reference for my brother).

If you weren’t measuring yourself through feminine approval – how much she touches you or how much sex you have, how much she loves you or how much she pays attention to you or whether she respects you – then what would you use to measure yourself?

Talking with a friend today, we came up with four things that really affect your Mojo:

Mindset
Nutrition
Exercise
Sleep

I have my own battles with nutrition, exercise and sleep, I’m constantly working on that, but the one thing I want to talk about is mindset…

How to get a perspective of masculinity and wellbeing that is separate from external measures.

So how do you use a Mojometer to measure you’re mindset?

Ask yourself these questions:

What have you been thinking about lately?
Who have you been talking to?
What have you been reading?
How are you feeding your mindset with positivity, calm clarity and peacefulness so that you don’t get dragged into using other people’s measures of how you’re doing?

So you don’t have to say “I don’t know how I’m doing…ask my wife”.

When you’re thinking about how you’re doing on any given day, think about how you’re MEASURING your Mojo. What is your mindset today? How well are you eating? How well are you exercising, how well are you sleeping?

These things are ALL within your control and that’s the key.

Your mindset is how you mold what you can control to your own self-interest? How you create a positive outlook. How you understand that other people’s reactions are not a reflection of you. How you show up happy, peaceful, calm and strong even though other people may be spiraling out of control.

Mojo is all of that and that’s what I want FOR YOU!

So do some reflecting today. What thoughts are you choosing to think? Who do you hang around to strengthen your mind? What books are you reading? What’s the miserable story in your head that’s creating the knot in your stomach?

This is the primary work we do with men in coaching, men’s retreats and our upcoming online courses.

We work on the fearful, angry, destructive thoughts that make men nuts. We look at the mythical stories we tell ourselves about what happiness, certainty and security really is.

We debunk the notion that our MOJO is measured by what people think of us or how our women are treating us.

We support each other in building a brand new perspective and a new thought process about self-respect, personal value and long-term happiness.

It’s your MINDSET that has the largest impact on your MOJO.

This is what we do for men – one man at a time – with our 90-Day Masculine Confidence Intensive.

Dan Dore (my associate coach in the UK) and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become calmer and more deliberate in creating the relationship you want, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and I host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

You won’t find negative, hateful language.
You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

Have questions about your relationship?

Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men's Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.