“She kept saying it – this is the best day ever!”
How long is it since you last heard someone say that to you?!
I love that quote. It’s from a client call I had last week – sounds pretty amazing huh?!
His marriage wasn’t in a good place. He wasn’t in a good place. Everything was straining and under pressure.
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So he decided to do something for himself, something that would allow him to relax and breathe again. At least for a while.
A simple decision to choose to do something positive for him when he could have stayed entrenched in trying to figure out the pain and confusion of what was going on with her.
That simple decision created an opportunity for something new to happen.
And when there’s an opportunity for something new to happen, there’s always a chance of having “The Best Day Ever.”
This best day came at a time when he really needed it too, but interestingly, he wasn’t TRYING to make it happen. In fact he was letting go of trying to change anything outside of himself.
Best day’s often happen that way.
The reason I want to tell you guys about it isn’t because it’s a success story or a result you can expect from the work that we do with men. It’s because what created the quote was something that any of us can do at any moment.
Yes, you have the power to hear someone you care about enjoying a great day spent in your company even when all signs point to misery and despair.
I talk more about it in the video below:
“When you focus on being you, you draw the best possible life, love, and opportunities toward you. ”
When we start working with a man it’s often really easy to get him to understand that he has to start making some changes to himself if he wants to see a difference in what he’s experiencing in his life and relationships.
That’s obvious, right!
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What’s not so obvious, is that those changes are much less about becoming a different person, than they are about recognising the person that he already is.
There’s good reason that you (and I) get to a point of believing people and circumstances need to be different to enjoy the love and affection we want.
It often starts with the belief that we have to be a certain way for others to want to give those things to us. These beliefs come from our upbringing when we were completely reliant on others to provide our needs for us.
Then we grow up, get married, have kids and all the while at no point has anyone ever sat us down and explained that we’re no longer reliant on other people for our happiness.
I know it seems ridiculous that a grown man might not believe that he doesn’t have to rely on anyone else, that he is responsible for himself now – and yes, it’s easy to know that’s true for the majority of our needs such as food, money, a home etc
But when we start talking about emotional needs and the importance of fun, laughter and affection to a man, then he often feels confused and frustrated because he still believes that he needs other people to have those things – he feels powerless and out of control.
How does this relate to having the best day ever?
When you start to realise that the negative feelings you’re struggling with come from beliefs that you were given rather than ones you chose for yourself, you start to see that much of what you’re experiencing comes from your focus on what you don’t have. And on top of that we often completely ignore what we do have.
That’s what I mean by recognising the person you already are.
Every man I speak to can tell me of times when he feels relaxed, when he feels happy, when he feels confident and calm. In those situations he knows exactly who he is.
But when his relationship is struggling, he can’t seem to bring that man out to play. He’s too gripped by fear.
In the story above, nothing’s changed in regards to the struggle and tension in the relationship, but by moving his focus from what’s going wrong outside of himself to making the inside of himself clear and calm, he reconnected with the man he truly is.
And by doing that, he relaxed and opened up. Then other people around him relaxed too. And when people around you can relax, they can come toward you, open up to connect with you, laugh with you, have fun, have a best day ever with you.
So my question for you is…
What decision or action are you going to choose to take today that will open up an opportunity for you to relax. For you to spend time just being yourself.
Try it. You just might find yourself (accidentally) having a best day ever!!
If you want to find that consistently calm, confident and enthusiastic man inside you again you need other men who understand what you’re going through and who will challenge you to make the changes that you need to make.
Come and join us in our online group coaching program with other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now.
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and Steve host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.
