Hey brother,
I’m seeing a very clear and amusing trend in many of the men in my community.
What is it?
INCREASED SEX APPEAL.
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What’s this, you ask?
Let me answer that with a short story.
A while back at one of my men’s bi-weekly meetings in Fort Collins, a guy told us of an interaction with his girlfriend. It came time for him to leave that evening for our men’s meeting and he said, Oh, I need to get going, I’ve got a meeting to get to. She said, What meeting?. He reminded her, I have my men’s group every two weeks. I mentioned it to you before. Tonight’s our night.
She replied, So…you’re kicking me out of your house so you can go to a men’s meeting?? He answered, Well, that’s one way to put it I guess.
Her reply? I gotta tell you…I think that’s SO HOT!
What’s so hot about it?
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It’s the fact that he has something so important to him that he is both committed and unapologetic about it.
This is why so many guys are reporting high levels of mojo and sex appeal.
It’s the fact that he is calm and confident in telling her about his priorities. And…it’s the fact that he is comfortable and unashamed that he has some really cool men in his life for whom he makes time.
And she knows it. She also knows that he makes time for her which is also clearly important to him.
Why does this matter?
It matters because the ONE THING unhappy, frustrated and sex-starved men around the world have in common is this.
They have ZERO high quality male friends in their lives who can consistently listen to them, encourage them and challenge them on their own BS.
Sure, they may have friends to talk about the Denver Broncos, the last elk hunt and how to adjust valves on a Dodge 5.9 liter diesel. But they have no one with whom they can be REAL.
Men in my community share a few other traits.
They are wicked smart, productive, emotionally available and articulate, sensitive, romantic, focused and problem-solving bad asses.
Those traits are both a blessing and curse.
Why?
Because when you have nobody in your life to talk to but your woman you end up emotionally vomiting all over her. (great visual, huh?)
You end up over-sharing, being overly vulnerable and over FIXING everything in your relationship.
And that’s both exhausting and unattractive. Zero sex appeal.
I explain a little more in this video.
“Ironically, men are often pressured (by women) to open up and talk about their feelings, and they are criticized for being emotionally walled-off; but if they get too real, they are met with revulsion.” ~ Brene Brown
Brown recalled the first time she realized she had been complicit in the shaming and she said, Holy Shit! I am the patriarchy!
What do you do with this information?
I can see only ONE conclusion and it’s the same one I came to in 2012.
Dude…I need to up my game. I need better men in my life. I need men with the same depth of feeling, thought and passion I feel inside myself!
If it’s true that we are the average of the 5 men we hang around most, then some of us need to seriously “up our average”. This means adding new people in your life and possibly removing others to make some room.
It’s tough to do this, I know. I discontinued about 5 long time relationships to make room for a MUCH HIGHER AVERAGE.
The over-drinking, the over-eating, the same boring parties and the mind-numbing conversations had to stop. So I did. Cold turkey.
You can too. You must.
It would be pretty shitty of me to give you such advice without a suggestion on HOW to get started.
Quite selfishly I created a local men’s group in Fort Collins just so I had LOCAL high quality men to hang with each month. I need these guys. I count on them and they count on me.
In partnership with Dan Dore we created a regular online men’s gathering in the Men’s Roundtable so even if you’re not local to me in Colorado or Dan in England, you can access the support and accountability you need.
Tim Wade and I created the Confident Man Ranch Retreat in Loveland, Colorado which is a mind-blowing time on a beautiful mountain ranch, incredible horseback rides and transformational coaching. This is a guaranteed game changer for men in struggling relationships.
Why have we created SO MANY OPTIONS?
Because we are selfish bastards, that’s why :) unapologetically.
We do this for ourselves to help us stay sharp. We’re just inviting you along for the ride!
So what about you?
Are you ready yet to move into something a little different to shake up the current trajectory of your life?
All progress and growth comes from moving into discomfort. Funny thing is that it’s never as uncomfortable as you think. And once you get started it’s impossible to stop.
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity
$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
