Have you just heard that your wife wants a divorce? Maybe you’re unsure if that’s what she wants but it’s what you’re afraid is true.
A happily divorced man (HDM) is a concept we talk about a lot in our coaching community.
Yes, some of the men we coach do become happily divorced men but the concept isn’t restricted to people who’s relationship ends in divorce.
The happily divorced man also totally relates to another concept that we help men create in their lives and relationships…the Happily Married Man.
A client this week told me a great story about his relationship where he sent a fun, flirty compliment in a message to his wife and she responded by saying she didn’t like it.
For a lot of us, that would be the end of the interaction. We would take the rebuff as an indication of why the relationship sucks, why she’s too closed off, how we’re stuck in a marriage with a woman who is “unwilling and incapable” of loving us the way we want to be loved.
But what happened next, is a perfect example of the secure, confident masculine energy that a happily divorced man can bring into his relationship and it turned a point of disconnection into an ongoing opportunity for connection, laughter, flirtation and blatant, unapologetic positive sexual tension.
I talk more about it in the video below:
Being a Happily Divorced Man in your relationship means learning how to develop true competence and confidence in the way you think, speak and act.
What is the path to becoming as confident as the man I mention in the video?
For most of us it’s a painful one.
Until we are in intense pain, we don’t find the motivation for the deep inner work that is required to become massively confident in WHO WE ARE not what we do.
You may be in that pain right now.
Maybe you recently heard your partner say, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I need space” or “I don’t know if I want to be married to you any more” or “I just don’t feel that way about you now.”
Owww, I know. It’s like someone just filled your guts with acid.
Or maybe you’re not there but you know something isn’t right. There’s coldness, distance and a lack of conversation, affection and connection between you.
I want you to know that whether your relationship ends or deepens and becomes all you can dream it could be, your path to the relaxed, fun, flirty, passionate and connected future you want is the same either way.
If you are a man in a struggling, frustrating or painful relationship, by choosing to take action and start growing now, you can start feeling better now too.
Of course you don’t have to, but what we know, what we see every day is that the men who don’t often find that a much bigger pain is headed their way.
Here’s a painful truth that you don’t want to face (I know because I didn’t either).
Your wife secretly notices other men who are happily divorced.
You may have already observed that and it really stings.
I had to learn WHAT she saw in them that she didn’t see in me.
It all made perfect sense once I worked it out.
I was acting like an unhappily married man.
Whereas these happily divorced men were enjoying a life filled with fun and adventure. No wonder women love them.
Why wouldn’t you decide to be this man while you’re still married?
Here’s a list of the ways that the happily divorced man lives his life whether he’s married or not:
- He is no longer an angry man.
- He is not “upset” with women.
- He is confident in his own value and doesn’t need validation from others.
- He has sex. Good sex. Lots of it.
- He has amazing, fulfilling conversations with other men and women.
- He is not “rattled” by anything women do.
- He sees through a woman’s protective shell and into the truth of her insecure “little girl”.
- He talks freely, without shame, about his own annoying, insecure “little boy”.
- He feels empathy from a strong, masculine place of love and respect for women.
- He is calm and deliberate in how he relates to women – and the world.
- He really, really likes who he is being as a man.
- He knows he is a valuable man of integrity and character.
- He is a “prize”.
- He is massively secure.
- He gives his presence and attention to women without strings or gamesmanship.
- He has a low pulse and respiration rate around beautiful women – even when they are mad or upset.
- He is unaffected by a woman’s anger because he knows it’s not all about him – and it hardly ever is.
- He laughs at the games and contradictions that some women present to him.
- He swiftly removes people from his life who drain his energy and disrespect him and his values.
- He develops deeper, more meaningful and rewarding relationships with inspiring men and women.
- He has an “abundance mindset” which allows him to give of himself without strings.He knows he can create whatever he wants to have.
He speaks boldly about his past mistakes and cheerfully shares what he’s learned.
- He “Doesn’t give a fuck”…
- What other people think of him.
- That some women get mad, upset or disappointed.
- That some women won’t like him.
- That most people don’t understand him.
- That most people will never achieve what he has.He is more aware, more skilled, more generous and more satisfied in his sex life.
- He is in charge of his own happiness and mood every day.
- He takes away the power that women and others have had to validate him and make him feel good or bad.
- He laughs more. Out loud.
- He is more focused and more productive.
- He is more proactive and intentional with everything he does.
- He is more confrontational in defending his boundaries and responding with strength and calm confidence.
- He has little time or patience for whiners, complainers and victims – including the women in his life.
- He leads by example – consistently demonstrating the life he will live and what he expects from those in his life.
- He attracts feminine attention constantly and he knows exactly why it’s happening and what to do with it.
- He doesn’t regard any one woman as the finish line of his life. He has options if needed.
- He is totally unapologetic in his masculinity.
- He is transparent in his sexuality and expectations for connected, affectionate and passionate intimacy.
- He doesn’t take anything personally – ever.
- He knows they always have options and opportunities to have what they want.
- He cheerfully and lovingly invites people into his life, but nobody stands in his way.
- He doesn’t negotiate, compromise or sacrifice his values or his purpose.
- He is clear and pleased about who he is and the life he is creating for himself.
- Women tell him, “I’ve never met a man like you.” And “I feel so safe, feminine and sexy with you.”
- He has no qualms about telling women “no” and ending relationships that don’t meet his expectations.
- He learns fast that his new frame totally changes his business or career success.
- He attracts more customers and more promotions because he has learned how to lead himself. This creates a new leader within that others respect and want to follow.
- He loves boldly and openly and vulnerably. When he decides to go “all in” in a relationship he expects the same in return.
I know you probably look at that list and think it sounds great but that it’s pretty much impossible to achieve.
You’re right that it’s not easy to achieve, that not many men get to that point of consistent confidence and clarity.
You may have met one or two in your life and, like me, with a little jealousy you imagined how they’ve had things handed to them all their lives without having to work hard to achieve them.
But the truth is that they CREATED the energy that they give off.
They committed to a process of learning and growth to BE more competent and confident.
The only difference between you and them is that they made a decision.
They wanted more and they decided that however and whatever it takes, they would find a way to have more, to BE more of the things they love experiencing in their life.
They didn’t wish for things to be different – they chose to be better.
Men who live their life in the skin of a happily divorced man are just like you. The only difference is in their tolerance for mediocrity.
Their decision to change was made with the uncertainty about what they didn’t yet know. They knew the new skills they had to learn would require practice – then more practice.
Not all men are cut out for it. That’s why these men are a small percentage of the population.
Steve and I want to change that.
There is no good reason why more men just like you can’t do this.
What else in your life did you suck at before you got good at it?
So my question for you is…
Do you take up the challenge to become a happily divorced man in your life and relationship?
I guarantee it will completely transform all your relationships, your opportunities, your clarity, your direction, your motivation…pretty much everything in your life.
In our coaching we take men through an intense program to become the man you were always meant to be. It’s a process of rediscovering your enthusiasm for life and it changes who you are as a man.
One man described it like this…
“After spending many days, even weeks, agonizing over my crumbling marriage, I finally found the courage to reach out. I didn’t realize that I had fallen into the same relationship cycle so many men have found themselves in – hopeless, and living a life where my wife was in charge of my happiness and where she became my emotional centre.
I shed many tears, as well as many laughs. I experienced emotional highs and lows as I followed the coaching process down a path that was leading me to become a Great Man.
I found true happiness and self worth that comes from me, and nobody else.
I have found life to be a wonderful gift that I am in charge of.
I remember so many times throughout the process where I learned so much about myself and how I came to be the guy I was when I reached out.
I felt huge excitement and anticipation before every session as I felt the forward momentum of the program heading onward and myself growing.
When I look back now, I know that this program was one of the best life decisions I have ever made. My confidence, self worth and happiness are where they should have been years ago.
I grow every day and look forward to whatever life throws towards me. ”
The Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable is a powerful collection of men from around the world working together to transform themselves and their relationships. Dan Dore and I lead this community with 5 other professional coaches. We have live coaching video calls twice per month. The camaraderie in this group is something missing from the lives of too many men in the world.
Our Mastering Connection With Women course starts again in May lead by Dan and Alexis – Receive live feedback on your energy and confidence. Find out what you need to do to own your sexuality and masculinity. Navigate tests and create more connection and intimacy with ease. Find out more and signup here.
Our online course How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a deep and intense dive into handling yourself when you hear, “I love you but I’m not in love with you anymore.” Tim Wade and Steve host monthly live Q&A calls with all the students in this course which includes many other bonuses as well. Find out more here.
We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.
What if this next year everything changed for you?
That’s what we want for you brother.
My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.
I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE
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