My Wife Doesn’t Want to Spend Time With Me, What Can I Do?

There’s this unbelievable vacation spot I’m in love with.

It’s a sprawling Spanish style home, 7500 square feet, immaculate, stunning home perched on top of a mountain overlooking a village on the Pacific coast of Mexico.

It’s got a gourmet kitchen that comes with a private chef and daily maid service. The food is amazing, the weather is perfect and the people are so friendly.

You can walk down the mountain in just minutes for an early morning coffee, horseback ride or to grab a surf board and get another few runs in before lunch time.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

At night, I like to hang out with friends in the infinity pool and watch the sunset as the town below starts to come to life. Music plays in the background while we talk about anything and everything and laugh our asses off as the ice cold cerveza lightens our moods.

If you can just get yourself to the Puerto Vallarta airport, I’ll pick you up at the curb, throw your bag in the car and take you there. There’s one bedroom not yet spoken for…that is, if you’re interested in a place like that.

What did I just do there?

I made you an offer. I gave you an invitation to something I personally love.

It’s something I would do with or without you because going there is not negotiable for me. But…it would be pretty cool if you could come along.

I’m unattached to your answer because you gotta do whatever you gotta do. And there are many other people I can invite…people who really love the same stuff as I do. I don’t need to set expectations for you – make any rules – or beg you to come.

It’s simply an offer to join me in my already amazing plans.

The whole energy of that invitation describes who I am, what I want and where I’m going.

It is impossible to create the life and relationship you want if you don’t know who you are, what you want or where you’re going.

When I made my “Why You Need to Stop Chasing Women” video a couple of years ago, some guys got the wrong idea.

They thought I was saying you must stop chasing women all together.

No. That’s not it.

I want you to stop chasing attention, affection and approval and find that confident, amazing, independent man inside you.

Whether you’re single, married or in a committed relationship it’s THAT guy who can make invitations and offers instead of begging, controlling or complaining his way to the life he wants.

Watch this video to learn more.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

YouTube video

When I talk about not chasing women, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t want to have a woman in your life or that you shouldn’t enjoy women and all the wonderful things about femininity that inspire you, no, what I’m saying is to stop the chasing energy that we often have.

I speak from experience here.

That chasing energy we use that she feels as needy, pursuing, pressuring, pushing and even desperate.

It’s an energy of needing validation and approval and affection.

Let’s get this straight…I’m a big fan of women, of pursuing women, of inviting them into my life and making them offers to be with me. I say them – I have a girlfriend – but that’s how I got her into my life. I made her an offer.

There’s a big difference between chasing women for their approval of us, for their acknowledgement of us, for their validation of us through affection and intimacy, those are ways we chase women to make us feel better about ourselves.

Another way to “chase” women is not actually chasing them at all, but by inviting them to enjoy what YOU have to OFFER.

I want you to understand that when you make an invitation to a woman that isn’t pursuing or begging or pleading but rather it’s an offer to her to enter your life at a level of confident connection, engaging conversation and deep intimacy, that’s a completely different energy and one that’s incredibly attractive.

So if you like the sound of that, what would your offer sound like?

What kind of plans do you have for your next 30 years?

What are you passionate about experiencing?

What kinds of interactions and conversations do you have that just light you up?

It’s the answers to questions like those which can form the basis of the invitations you make.

Do you love deeper, more vulnerable and more connected conversations? How could you make an invitation for that? Who do you know who loves that too?

Do you have a passion for surprise and adventure? What plans do you have to create that? Who do you want to invite without expectations?

What are you willing to do no matter who comes along with you?

I know…you’ve got a lot of “yeah buts” up your sleeve right now.

What if she says no? What if she always says no? What if I want things she doesn’t want? What if my living into my passion ends up driving her away?

Good questions!

I’m not going to answer them for you.

I want you to think about it and come up with your own answers.

Think about the greatest men you know or have read about. Think about how they would answer those questions.

By the way, about that magical place I mentioned in the beginning of this article…it’s real. We have already run two retreats there in the last 12 months. And yes, it IS as amazing as I thought it would be.

There’s been a lot of demand for my October retreat which only has one spot left. Men asked if there would be another retreat this year and I’ve said “no”.


We are just about to launch our next retreat in Mexico in March 2020, so if that sounds like something you want to come to, email us and make sure you’re on the list to be notified. The last two sold out just days after we launched them.

For more information about our 2020 Mexico retreat visit the website here.

If you want to move from focusing on the negative all the time to a more positive relationship, we would love to help you get clear on what you want as well as the next decision or action you need to take to start CREATING the life that you want.

What if this next year everything changed for you?

That’s what we want for you brother.

Books, articles and videos are great but to really make quick progress and get to a point where you’re consistently calm, confident and enthusiastic about life again you need other men who understand what you’re going through and who will challenge you to make the changes that you need to make. This is the truth that I want you to LEARN – this is the thing I had to learn first before I could grow in this way – you need other men to do this work!! Why do you think indigenous tribes have male only initiation ceremonies?? It’s incredibly powerful and life changing!

Come and join us, either through 1-on-1 coaching with my colleague Dan Dore or me, or in our group coaching program with other amazing men who are travelling the same path as you right now in our Men’s Live Coaching Roundtable where we will help you re-find the confident, attractive man you know yourself to be.

Come and try our coaching through our Roundtable live coaching program here. There’s an amazing tribe of guys in this group with us, supporting and helping each other through this process of growth and self-realization.

We love teaching men these tools – how to be better, how to know who you are, what you stand for, what you want and how to CREATE it in your life through our Masculine Confidence coaching programs.

Dan and I are here to guide you on this mission.

If you want to become a man who knows and trusts himself to create the life and love he wants, apply for a free consultation call with me or Dan. I guarantee you’ll feel a whole lot better by the end of our talk.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.
The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

We respect your privacy, read our privacy policy here