How To Show Your Wife It’s Safe To Ride You Again

Steve Horsmon explains how to take the reins in your marriage and create an environment that’s more fun for both of you.

“Ladies are naturally better with horses than men. They’ve got softer hands.”

“What do you mean?” I asked the leather-faced trainer who was studying how a woman was calmly gliding her horse around the corral.

He said, “When it comes to listening to what the horse is communicating, women seem to have a better connection. They don’t apply unnecessary pressure with the reins or with their legs. They tend to relate to the horse’s need for space and freedom. At the same time they manage to form an understanding – a partnership where they both get what they need. They’re not hard on the bit like most guys I train. They’ve got soft hands. Horses respond well to that.”

“Is that how your wife treats you?” I asked with a chuckle.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

He squinted in the late day sun and mumbled, “Don’t get me started, son.”

I Like the Way You Ride Me

I told my girlfriend recently, “I like the way you ride me.”

My longtime horse-girl looked at me sideways, “Oh yeah? What are you talking about?”

“Not that way. I mean you’ve got soft hands. I see plenty of times when you could try to pull me back, correct me, speed me up or slow me down…but you don’t. You give me my head most of time and I like it. It feels easy. Like you trust me. It feels good.”

“Most of the time?”

“Yeah. Sometimes you give me the slightest cue when I’m doing something stupid or dangerous. Like the way you always want me wear gloves, drink more water, get to bed earlier and avoid speeding tickets.”

“It doesn’t always work.”

“Yeah, but I really appreciate the effort and I notice the gentle way you do it. It makes me WANT to do those things. I’ve gotten better, you know?”

“Did you drink enough water today?”

“ I was too busy splitting wood at midnight without gloves.”

“You boys.”

The Metaphor Goes Both Ways

“Riding like a lady” simply means treating a horse with dignity, respect, kindness and consideration for how it likes to be handled.

It means being aware of how pressure feels to the horse and how to communicate in ways that don’t threaten or intimidate. A skilled rider learns how to show respect for the horse’s natural need for independence and freedom from domination.

She creates an environment ripe for partnership and collaboration. And fun!

Men love a woman who knows how to do this.

And vice-versa, of course.

How to Be a Better Husband or Wife Whisperer

The single defining factor in learning to effectively communicate with horses is this…you have to actually want to learn.

And you also will have to accept one more crucially important fact…the horse reacts to you. Period.

Everything a horse does in relationship to a person is a reaction to how that person is thinking, speaking and acting. Horses instinctively react to the character and intention of the person in front of them. If a person can’t accept that, they should avoid relationships with horses.

In her Understanding Men coaching programs, Alison Armstrong reveals how her life with men changed for the better the day she decided to operate from the assumption that men are reacting to her. She also decided she wanted to learn more about men and masculinity and how to be a better partner. Alison has changed thousands of lives with this message.

I teach men the same thing in reverse.

You don’t have to believe it’s scientifically true, but pretending it is true can be empowering.

Just like with horses, your confidence soars when you start experiencing positive responses to your efforts to connect with your partner. It makes you want to learn more.

And guess what happens when two people do this at the same time.

Good stuff. Fun Stuff. That’s what.

YouTube video

It’s the Perspective That Counts

The horse analogy is meant to be a mnemonic. If it helps you to remember how much influence you have in your relationship, I’ve done my job.

Nearly all relationship problems are caused by how someone feels they are being treated.

Each of us is one-half of the relationship equation. But we have 100% control over our own behavior and how we show up.

We can spend our time complaining about how we want to be treated. Or we can adopt a new perspective that drives us to take ownership of the environment WE create.

You can start with soft hands, respect, partnership and fun.

Ride ‘em cowgirl/boy.

You can find out more about the April 27th 2017 Confident Leader Ranch Retreat here

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Photo Emily Rhaupp/Flickr

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

We respect your privacy, read our privacy policy here