How to Get Instant Relief from Horniness

Instant relief from horniness, huh?

Trust me. I’m an expert on this. And I’ve only recently started to figure this out late in life.

It’s not just relief from horniness, though. It’s about relief from any type of feeling you can categorize as general disappointment.

This might include anger, resentment or frustration.

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But let’s stay with horniness for now.

The worst part of feeling horny is the prospect that you’re the only one who cares. Your arousal level is so high it’s like a big fat pink elephant in the room. And your frustration is building because you fear your desire will be unnoticed, unappreciated and unfulfilled.

The ultimate disappointment is the feeling of being unattractive and undesirable.

I know you know what I mean.

It’s like an avalanche gathering momentum. In a split second your joyous morning wood is reduced to a flaccid lump of shame and resentment.

So, what’s the answer? How do you get instant relief?


Plain, simple honesty. You need to get comfortable calling out that big, fat, pink elephant in the room.

In this video I explain how we “good guys” have learned to lie about our feelings and why dishonesty will destroy us. And there’s more:

Why you need to be more like a horse when it comes to being horny

How we become bigger liars the older we get

Why honesty is the antidote for all kinds of disappointment

How to take the power away from the big, fat, pink elephant in the room

How to say “Hey, I’m horny” without fear or shame…and laugh about it

YouTube video

I’m going to give you the answer to the question “How to get instant relief from horniness” now – it’s simple, it’s HONESTY.

Honesty is the most important antidote to all the disappointments you feel.

The one thing about horses is that they are absolutely 100% honest. There isn’t a step they take; a move they make or a breath they take that isn’t honest.

Everything about a horse is honest. There’s no calculated gamesmanship, no hidden agenda, they are 100% honest.

That’s one thing I love about horses – what you see is what you get. There’s nothing hidden. You know exactly what you have in front of you. There’s no games.

So I wanted to make that point when it comes to horniness and other disappointments.

Like a horse, you can be honest if you want to be.

When you were born, you were born with honesty. If you had to poop you pooped, if you had to cry, you cried, if you were hungry, you called for food. You were honest. It was liberating, you could say whatever you wanted to say, be whatever you wanted to be, do whatever you wanted to do.

Then the day after you were born…you started learning to lie. And the day after that you learned how to lie some more.

By the time you’re a teenager, you’re telling all kinds of lies.

Then in early manhood you start to get the good guy syndrome and you start having all kinds of strategic hidden agendas. You lie about things and start telling half-truths. You’re not revealing your true self.

And that’s how we get into trouble.

By the time we get into our 30’s, 40’s 50’s and 60’s we have a long history of manipulating people, telling half-truths and not being honest.

So why is honesty the antidote, the cure or the instant relief for horniness?

It’s the same reason as instant relief from anger.

Remember that time when your wife or someone you trust said something really insulting to you, something horrible, totally un-called for, unacceptable and mean spirited. Just the worst thing that you can imagine. You instantly feel anger and you might just walk away. You might yell something back or scream or fight.

But the one thing you don’t say is:

You know what…that hurt

You really hurt my feelings

That was the meanest thing you could have said

I can’t tell you how that made my gut grind to think that you would talk to me like that

It just really, really hurts and I’m pissed

That’s not how we talk normally. We don’t tell the truth.

But if you call the emotion into the room, you call out the anger – that big, fat pink elephant of anger that’s in the room – all of a sudden you take the power away. You take the power away from the anger.

You say “I’m angry, that pissed me off, that hurt me“.

What about resentment. What if you feel like you’re the one doing all the work around the house? What if you feel like somebody’s not pulling their weight. You feel like you’re overwhelmed, like you’re having to take care of everything, you’re responsible for everything and nobody else seems to be pulling their weight and you feel resentful. You feel like everyone has an easy life and you’re doing all the work.

Call that big fat pink elephant out into the room.

You could say:

“Hey, I’m feeling really resentful right now”

“Honestly, I feel really resentful and mad because I feel like I’m doing all the work”

“I see you guys over there watching TV and playing on your computers and the house is a mess and I feel like I’m doing everything”

“What I want is more from you guys, I need you to pitch in and pull your weight”

“I don’t want to feel so alone and isolated”

“Give me a break, help me out here”

Honesty – it helps to speak it into the room.

I just realized while saying this that sometimes you’re around women who are more honest than you are and they’ll say things like that and it makes you nervous. You wonder how they can go from being angry one moment and twenty minutes later they’re OK. That’s because sometimes women do a better job of speaking their emotions right out into the room.

What it does is, dissolve the emotion – when you speak it out, when you finally speak your truth.

So let’s get to horniness.

Let’s talk about the fact that you haven’t had sex for two, three, four weeks, or six months or even a year! And you’ve been playing this little lie that goes something like “Oh well maybe I just need to be patient, I won’t bug her, I’m afraid of rejection” and you’re really smoldering inside, you’re feeling really hurt, angry and rejected, disappointed and most of all…you’re damn horny!!!

Have you ever said to your woman…”Hey, I’m horny”. It takes the power away from it if you’re walking around in the morning (we all know how the morning is a really peak time for us guys) – if you’re just feeling really aroused and really horny and you know for a fact that she’s not in the mood and that now’s not the time to bring it up. Why don’t you just try saying “you know what babe, I’m really horny!”

She’ll give you a look that says ‘what the hell’, but you’re not asking her for sex, you’re just announcing to her and the world that right now you’re feeling really horny.

I know that you’re squirming in your seat reading this thinking…no, I couldn’t say that.

But think about what it does to the emotion….that hidden disappointment, that yearning, that craving, that urgent urge. What you would normally do is shuffle off with a scowl and disappointment, with your hard-on deflating and you’re just feeling mad.

But that will happen again and again and again in your life unless you’re willing to be honest, be more like a horse.

When you wake up and you’re horny but you know that you’re not going to get any satisfaction from her, just say “I am horny” and then feel the release, the truth come out of your body. All of a sudden that big fat pink elephant in the room, that pink elephant of horniness has been called out and it’s not hiding behind the curtain anymore and you feel better.

That is instant relief from horniness.

When you acknowledge that you’re a sexual, passionate, caring man who loves to touch, feel, taste and smell everything about sex but that this morning isn’t your morning…just call it out – “I am horny”.

That’s what I wanted to say to you today.

Many of the men we speak to each week are battling with speaking their truth out into the room. They’re struggling with anger, resentment, horniness and they’re hiding behind this agenda of not wanting to speak their truth and hoping they can somehow otherwise manipulate her into paying attention or pulling her weight or whatever.

Honesty will set you free!

It’s the most liberating skill you can have.

As we’re getting older we’re losing time to tell the truth, so I want to encourage you to start telling the truth now, and come from a place of love when you do it, don’t come from a place of resentment and anger and retaliation.

If you’re horny, say you’re horny. If you’re angry, say you’re angry. If you’re resentful, say you’re resentful. But don’t try to make it a personal attack; don’t say it from a place of blame and resentment.

Just tell the truth and see what it does for how you feel in your body. It totally relaxes you, so try it tomorrow morning.

If you have any questions about this, email me directly. I will respond. I care about this and helping you through what you’re going through – I’ve been there and I can help you through it. So give me a call and let’s do it brother.

If you’re thinking you want some more of that honest, confident energy back, I want to explain to you how you’re going to get it – apply for a consultation call with me or my associate coach Dan Dore. I guarantee you’ll feel better by the end of our talk.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

Photo: Layla Burford / Flickr

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.
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