Your Need For Her To Be Happy Is Killing The Passion In Your Marriage

Published on: September 20, 2017 | Last Updated on: March 24, 2024 by Steve Horsmon

Learn how to improve your independence and start attracting her at the same time

Many husbands and boyfriends these days are operating to a dangerous set of “rules”.

I didn’t see this and I didn’t escape this reality until much later in life.

Now that my eyes are clear and my head is on straight, I want to help you before it’s too late.

Free Guide: Where You Should Focus To Grow Your Masculinity >>

The Dangerous Rules

The dangerous rules that many guys were raised with sound like this:

If momma ain’t happy then nobody’s happy.
Don’t rock the boat.
Walking on eggshells is what good boys do.
Happy wife – happy life.
Whatever you do, do not piss her off.
Make sure you get a kitchen pass.
Your needs are always second.
All women are emotional. Deal with it. suck it up and learn to apologize.

Other articles you may find helpful:

How to Attract Her Toward You When She’s Backing Away
Why Has My Wife Stopped Wanting Sex With Me?

Why These are Dangerous Rules

These are dangerous rules because each one puts you into a second-fiddle frame of mind.

The second-fiddle frame of mind makes you do dangerous things like this:

Tread lightly and tentatively in every conversation.
Act with caution and uncertainty when it comes to decisions.
Seek approval and validation constantly.
Follow her moods up and down like you’re riding on her roller-coaster.
Over-react every time you think you did something good and got no credit.
Argue with her about things that need no argument.
Get defensive and justify yourself each time she seems unhappy.
Stay in a perpetual “pissy” state of resentment and indignation.

What Happens When You Do That?

The second-fiddle frame of mind makes your relationship incredibly frustrating and stressful.

Here’s what happens when you go there.

You feel like crap. Angry crap.
She finds you indescribably unattractive and unsexy.
You want to avoid her and hide out.
She wants “space” from you.
You complain about lack of intimacy.
She says she doesn’t need another kid to take care of.
You go to work mad and under perform.
She sleeps with her back to you.

Other articles you may find helpful:

Where the Hell Did My Confidence Go? (Maybe you never really had it)
How to Teach Her to Stop Criticizing You

How to Stop Being Dependent

The short story above has become an epidemic of sorts. As I mentioned, I finally got my vaccine.

The cure to this cycle of despair lies in one very elusive character trait.

Self-reliance.

Without it, we are doomed to depend on the feedback, permission and endorsement of everyone else but ourselves.

And in your relationship, lacking self-reliance may very likely be the culprit behind your frustrations and dissatisfaction. It’s also normally tied to feelings of neglect, emasculation and disrespect.

Self-reliance is the trait of being able to self-endorse, self-validate and self-approve. I help men learn how to earn these stripes through action – one step at a time.

These are the entry-level actions you must take to become self-reliant.

Make a non-negotiable list of your self-expectations independent of anyone else’s opinion. What do you demand of yourself without needing input from anyone else?
Make a non-negotiable list of what you expect for yourself. What do you demand for the environment and relationship you want to live in?
Make a non-negotiable list of the specific boundaries you have for your own behavior and for those you choose to include in your life. Decide that you will hold yourself accountable and stand up for yourself.
Understand that no man is born self-reliant. Most of us slowly and surely give up our independence and learn to measure our value, significance and worthiness through the eyes of others. This can easily be reversed with proper desire, focus and commitment.

Other articles you may find helpful:

How Talking to Other Men Can Make You More Attractive to Your Wife (and Other Women)
How to Increase Your Sex Appeal by Stopping This (and starting this)

What Happens When You Become Self-Reliant?

When men learn to become self-reliant, I hear them say things like, “Holy crap, this is so liberating!”

Or, “I had no idea how dependent I had become and how it was making me – and her – crazy.”

Or, “I feel so damn confident now, it’s funny to see her chasing me for a change.”

I don’t make this stuff up. Those are real stories.

It’s so simple but yet so difficult to see when you’re in the chaos and pain of a relationship.

Self-reliant people wake up happier and go to bed more content. They don’t think of being alone as loneliness.

Self-reliant people tend to talk more clearly and boldly without worrying about reactions or judgement.

Self-reliant people trust their own judgement, are more decisive and they don’t seek approval for who they are.

And most importantly…they’re not assholes.

They find out the only way to truly love, truly be present, truly empathize and truly support another is when they don’t need anything from them.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

If you want to learn more about how to take a bigger step toward being a clear-headed, confident man of action, then find out more here. I would be thrilled to help you get there – our first discovery call is always free and always gives you a BIG boost of confidence.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Photo: billthinh.inet/Flickr

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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1 thought on “Your Need For Her To Be Happy Is Killing The Passion In Your Marriage”

binance Registrēties

April 16, 2024 at 8:32 am

Thank you for your sharing. I am worried that I lack creative ideas. It is your article that makes me full of hope. Thank you. But, I have a question, can you help me?
Reply

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While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

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5 Steps to Reignite Your Sexless Marriage
What Caused Your Wife To Become Distant?
Your Unhappy Marriage Is Going To Be OK
My Wife is a Feminist and Thinks Masculinity is Toxic
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