The Simple Question To Get What You Want In Your Marriage

It takes only ONE question to get what you want.

Whether it’s a better job, more money, a date with a pretty woman, or more sex…there is ONE question separating you from what you want.

It’s the question you haven’t asked yet.

Yeah, that’s it.

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You don’t get 100% of the things you never ask for.

Yes, HOW you ask is important. But it’s not nearly as important as just ASKING the question.

This is where we continuously fall short of our dreams and desires.

We simply do not ask for what we want.


Because we’re afraid.

Afraid of rejection. Afraid of looking stupid. Afraid of what others will think.

We’re even sometimes afraid that we don’t actually deserve to get what we want.

So what do you do?

You make a simple choice.

You have to decide if the fear of the consequences of asking for what you want is greater than your fear of never getting what you want.

Once that switch flips…once you say this is BS and I’m going try something different…you will see an instant improvement.

Every day I watch men push their uncomfortable edge of being stronger in their values, clearer in their desire and more confident in asking for what they want.

They know they must make changes within themselves in order to make changes outside of themselves.

And they are AMAZED at the results. They get more affection in their relationships. Pay raises. Better clients. And more overall peace of mind.

These changes require you to put yourself first.

I’m not saying you need to be an arrogant ass. I’m saying you need to focus on developing your confidence in who you are, what you want and where you’re going.

You can do this while still being the attentive, kind guy you normally are.

But…while you are busy caring for other people you don’t not need to care what they think about you, your values and your burning mission.

A man doesn’t let anyone stand in the way of his mission. And he learns to ask directly for the things he wants.

I call this Mountain Lion energy.

Here’s my 2nd Annual video from the hummingbird feeder to give you a reminder of how important this is for you.

YouTube video

I use a metaphor about hummingbird vs mountain lion energy.

The hummingbird is a very jittery animal. Sometimes men can be very jittery like the hummingbird, with a heart rate around 200 beats per minute. We can get very anxious and nervous, we ask a lot of questions like:

What’s going on?
Why did you do that?
Why did you say that to me?
Where are you going?
What are you looking at?
Who are you talking to?
What did you mean by that?

We ask all these pestering questions because we’re nervous. We’re anxious and we feel dodgy and uncomfortable in ourselves.

So I use this metaphor as a way to explain why you should stop being a hummingbird husband and act a bit more like a mountain lion.

A couple of recent stories from my Facebook group brought this to mind.

One guy said that recently he’s been acting more like a mountain lion. He hasn’t been happy like he used to be and instead of complaining and moping and griping about not liking the job, he very calmly and deliberately went to his boss and said:

“I’m not happy with this. I want a change. I want something different.”

He just did it very calmly. He wasn’t angry. He explained his reasons as to why he wanted to feel more engaged, connected and excited with his work. He said he was capable of more.

And guess what…

He got a promotion. Yeah, crazy huh.

He got a promotion to a place that was just 15 minutes away from his home where he’s now the foreman of an electrical group!

So he posted in the Facebook group “Ask and you shall receive!”

What he means is that when you stop being a hummingbird, when you stop complaining, stop whining, stop griping, stop asking questions about why things aren’t better, you can start being more like a mountain lion, with a heart rate of 40 or 50 beats per minute. You’re sitting on a rock and you’re flipping your tail with your eyes half closed.

When you’re in mountain lion mode, you just say what you want, you say what you mean and you speak your truth.

This works at home too.

Another man told me a story of when his wife and he were getting into a lot of arguments about how each of them treated the kids and how they were parenting and it was getting really snarky. It was getting very negative and she was becoming very critical.

He decided to stop the hummingbird activity and stopped asking questions like “Why do you have to talk to them like that?” or “Why are you such a bitch?” and “Why are you so mean?”

So then he goes into mountain lion mode and he decides to take a big deep breath and stop blaming her for being crazy which is what he was implying – he was really insecure with her discomfort and her anger.

When he got really calm and he just took her to the side later and said “You know what…we’re both better than this. We’re both stronger parents than that. I think we feed off each other. I think we can do better. Next time things get really tense, I’m just going to tap you on the shoulder and let you know that I’m here and I’ve got your back. We need to be a united front with the kids and I know we can do it.”

That was really calm. Really reassuring. Not blaming energy. And instead of wanting to blame her for everything, all of a sudden he took responsibiity into his own hands. Responsibility for his energy and how he talked to her and how he wanted to lead the situation.

And it worked!

He sent me an email later saying “You wouldn’t believe the change in our household.” He said “We’re just not going there like we used to. We’re a lot calmer.”

That’s what you can do when you switch from hummingbird to mountain lion energy.

If you’re thinking you want some Mountain Lion energy, I want to explain to you how you’re going to get it – apply for a consultation call with me or my associate coach Dan Dore. I guarantee you’ll feel better by the end of our talk.

This is also a topic we’ll be covering in depth in our next Group coaching program starting at the end of June.

There are incredible breakthroughs we make when men team up and work together.

It’s about feeling heard and understood maybe for the first time ever.

It’s about that calm, confident, peaceful feeling we get when we see the truth about our masculine power and ability to live what we dream.

And it’s about creating new connections and a support network most men don’t have before they die.

I want to meet you, connect with you and build a life-long relationship with you. And I want you to want that with other men too.

We’ve already got some amazing guys from around the world booked in, You need to meet these guys. And they need to meet you.

Next step?

Read more about our Mens Cave Group Coaching Program.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

Sign up to receive my email newsletters here for lots more free tips and advice.

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

author avatar
Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach
Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

  • Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
  • Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
  • Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
  • Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
  • Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
  • Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
  • Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
  • You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
  • You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
  • You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
  • Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

  • You won’t find negative, hateful language.
  • You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
  • You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
  • You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
  • You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage

This is the secret your dad never told you about – You have more power than you know.

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