Wife Said She Needs Space To Find Herself, What Should You Do?

Do you have drama in your life?

Drama is the #1 killer of a man’s freedom, peace and happiness.

For the purpose of this letter I offer you a definition.

DRAMA = Any external force of negativity, unrest, emotional projection or demands on your time or attention that you did not invite into your life.

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Many men feel victimized by drama. They believe they have no choice but to accept it. Then they complain about it constantly…only to attract MORE drama.

It does not have to be this way.

The biggest reason we get drawn into drama is because we think we need to do something about it.

We think it’s about us. And if it’s about us then that means we’re not okay.

And if we feel like we’re not okay, then dammit, we need to fix whatever is causing the drama.

But here’s the truth.

You ARE okay.

The drama is not about you. It’s not caused by you. And it can’t be fixed by you.

You ARE okay. And you don’t need to engage.

Here’s a quick video where I explain it better. I’m inviting you to a 7-Day Challenge to change how you respond to drama.

Today’s video is about the drama free man. What is a drama free man?

It’s the same crap I always talk about. Like when I’ve talked about the happily divorced man or being a mountain lion man or a calm, deliberate and pleased man.

The drama free man is all of those things.

I keep trying to find different ways of saying the same thing to you so that it starts to sink in.

It took me a long time for this to sink in, so today I’m going to use the phrase ‘drama free’.

This has a particular importance, because a guy who isn’t a drama free man, who isn’t calm, deliberate and pleased or who isn’t a mountain lion guy, is a man who is overly affected by drama.

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A drama free guy is a man who’s understood that chaos can happen all around him – a storm of anger and discontent can happen around him, people can be upset around him or even disappointed with him – but he doesn’t let their drama become his drama.

The drama free man is a guy who is comfortable in his skin, he has a low heart rate just like a mountain lion does about 50 beats per minute.

When I talk to guys who are really amped up over what to do next, when they’ve got this knot in their gut and this anxiety brewing up in them and they feel like they just have to do something about what’s going on in their lives – it’s usually something that a woman has done or something a child has done or something at work has happened – it’s drama that they have pulled themselves into.

What I want you to do is to learn how to pull back from the drama.

The one tip I want you to get today is the mindset shift that says “I’m ok, everybody else may not be okay, but I’m okay”.

The problem with being a drama guy is that when you feel that anxiety and that tension and the need to get pulled into other people’s drama, you’re doing it because you don’t think you’ll be ok unless you get in there.

You want to get in there and find some sense of peacefulness and calmness in yourself. But really it doesn’t reside outside of you.

Calmness and peacefulness and wellbeing is always inside you. So the challenge I’d like to leave you with over the next seven days, is to decide that every time you encounter drama, pretend you’re putting on another pair of glasses that let you see serenity, that let you pull back and understand that the chaos and the drama in front of you is not about you. You don’t need to do anything about it in order for you to be ok…because you’re already ok.

You’re already okay.

That’s the message I want you to get today. The drama free guy, the happily divorced guy, the calm, deliberate guy, the mountain lion guy…all know that they’re already okay.

The trigger for that mantra is when you next hear a complaint, an angry yell, an accusation or someone blaming you. When you hear that, put on those glasses and realise for yourself “I’m okay…I don’t have to react to this…I can think about this…I’m going to think about how I want to respond to this”.

That’s how a happily divorced guy goes. It’s how a drama free guy goes. It’s how the mountain lion goes.

That’s what I’d like to leave you with. A seven day challenge. For seven straight days, try to know that you’re okay. In the face of drama, chaos, tension or anxiety, take a deep breath and know that you’re okay.

I guarantee you’ll see a shift in the people around you. You’ll see the energy in them change because they have felt an energy in you change.

When I was in your shoes I thought that this stuff seemed impossible. It seemed like I would never get calm, that I would never understand how to live in that skin.

I want you to know that this is a process and it’s doable…and you can do it.

What does it mean to know you’re okay?

It means that you know you are being a calm, clear-headed, conscious man.

It means that you know you are operating from values you’ve chosen and you have been stepping up in life according to your own standards.

When you know you are okay NOTHING rattles you. You’re grounded, curious and present. You respond to drama as if it was a pesky mosquito.

Drama no longer gets under your skin and influences your outlook or your mood.

And guess what that does to the energy of the drama queens and kings around you?

They respect you more. They calm down faster. And they learn to take their drama elsewhere.

This is what the 7-Day Challenge is about in the video. Go ahead – give it a shot and see what happens when you come from a place of being okay.

What would it feel like to be this guy?

It might seem like an impossibility. But it’s not – especially if you’ve got someone in your corner to help you every step of the way.

I want you to feel like a strong, calm, confident and clear-headed man.

I want you to relax in situations that make normal men crazy.

I want you to grin with the knowledge you’re being who you want to be and you’re creating the life and love you want.

Why? Because I spent decades not feeling that way and I now know there’s a way to get to the other side.

If you’re ready for someone to talk to – someone who has walked in your shoes and found the way through the mess… then go HERE to apply for a consultation call. I guarantee you’ll feel better by the end of our talk.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

You can watch all my videos here and read my blog articles here.

See what life changing results you’re missing out on here.

Photo: Unexpectedtales / Flickr

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Is our coaching right for you?

Our coaching process was created for men who want to feel happier and more fulfilled in their life and relationships. We teach you how to have more confidence and clarity about what you want in your life and create an action plan to start making it happen.

Do you only work with men in marriage?

While our coaching teaches you how to create a more connected, more fun and passionate marriage, we also work with you to have more clarity, enthusiasm and fulfillment in all areas of your life. We help you understand what you really want your future to look like and we also teach you how to be in control of your emotions so that you can be confident and assertive no matter how difficult your circumstances are right now .

What happens in the free 90-minute coaching call?

In our free initial coaching calls, we listen a lot, we ask you questions to understand what life is really like for you at the moment, we help you identify what you want to be different and what's holding you back from creating those changes now. Then we help you create a practical plan of action to start moving forward straight away.

What will I learn in your coaching programs?

We take you through a process to:

Stop being tentative and become more focused and directed.
Develop control over your thoughts and emotions like never before.
Become a master of the masculine and feminine dance required for a more passionate connection in your romantic relationships.
Build and sustain your personal masculine confidence so that you don't get "triggered" or feel disrespected and can respond with strength and confidence to any situation.
Become more connected, aware and present with everyone (this is a critical step in your ability to build attraction and desire as well as have people trust you and respect you more).
Stop the destructive emotions of anger and resentment which keep you going around in frustrating cycles and start from moving forward with purpose.
Stop being anxious, needy and overly reliant upon other people's opinions and approval of you and start feeling more peace, happiness and a deep sense of being a man who is confident in himself again.
You will become a confident man who knows his values, what he wants and where he’s going in his life.
You will learn how to think, speak and act according to your values without worrying about reactions from others.
You become clear and confident in your ability to create intimacy whenever you want.
Your confidence will be something that you start to rely on and trust in every part of your life.

How does the Men's Roundtable work?

Our Men's Roundtable membership gives you access to 3 live group coaching calls per month hosted by Steve and Dan as well as access to over 5 years of previously recorded group coaching calls, an invitation to our private facebook group, and ongoing assignments and resources to help you grow and develop as a confident masculine man. It's like having a personal coach in your pocket, ready to help whenever you need it.

What's the difference between the 1-to-1 coaching and group coaching?

Firstly, anyone who is in our 1-to-1 coaching program automatically receives access to the Men's Roundtable membership and group coaching for free for life. The difference between 1-to-1 and group coaching is down to the speed of change that you want to happen. With more personal time and attention from your coach, the 1-to-1 program is adapted to your specific circumstances and will provide the practical advice you need to know what to think, say and do to create what you want your future to be.

What kind of man is right for your coaching?

We work with men who are willing to take the lead in creating the changes they want in their life and relationships. We only work with men who want to understand their fears, insecurities and shame triggers. We teach you practical ways to deal with the mental and emotional challenges life throws at you and help you reach an unshakeable confidence in yourself (often for the first time in your life).

You won’t find negative, hateful language.
You won’t find a gender war – we don’t bash women.
You won’t find bitching, whining, complaining, and blaming.
You won’t find a group of men acting like victims.
You won’t find judgment or criticism from others.

We don't waste our time with all those things because we want to take the most efficient and effective path to creating the future you want. So we focus only on the things that are within your control: your thoughts, your words and your actions.

How do I know if I need coaching?

If you are feeling unhappy a lot of the time, if you're lonely, drained, lost, stuck or trapped, then our coaching will help. If you're not sure where your life is headed, if you're not confident in yourself, if you're not sure what you really want in life anymore...our coaching will help.

Whether it’s your job, your intimate relationship, or just wanting to feel more happy and with more purpose, then our coaching will help.

If you are tired of settling for a mediocre life or relationship, tolerating criticism and a lack of fun and intimacy and you're done with placating and playing it safe, then our coaching will help.

We will help you have clarity about what you're REALLY passionate about. We'll get you clear about where you want to be in six months and in six years. We help you figure out what you really want to create vs what other people think you should do.

We help you take action, get unstuck, start moving forward. We help you find what matters instead of just "being busy" in the daily grind. We help you figure out how you're going to get from where you are now to where you want to be.

For many of the guys we work with, they find a peace and a sense of emotional freedom that has them shaking their heads and smiling at how they used to approach life. They feel passionate about life again. They build stronger relationships with the people that matter most to them. They feel satisfied and fulfilled that they have finally found the “right path” forward and life starts to feel fun and inspiring again.

So now you've read that...what do you think? Would YOU like to try some of our coaching for free?

Have questions about your relationship?

Apply for a free, no strings, 90 minute deep dive personalized coaching session to help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you moving toward the future you want. We offer a unique form of Men's Coaching and we attract smart guys who see through surface level hype and bravado. We hide nothing and hold nothing back. We know that everything you want is behind your fear and skepticism…just like it was for us.