Wife Said She Needs Space To Find Herself, What Should You Do?

Do you have drama in your life?

Drama is the #1 killer of a man’s freedom, peace and happiness.

For the purpose of this letter I offer you a definition.

DRAMA = Any external force of negativity, unrest, emotional projection or demands on your time or attention that you did not invite into your life.

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Many men feel victimized by drama. They believe they have no choice but to accept it. Then they complain about it constantly…only to attract MORE drama.

It does not have to be this way.

The biggest reason we get drawn into drama is because we think we need to do something about it.

We think it’s about us. And if it’s about us then that means we’re not okay.

And if we feel like we’re not okay, then dammit, we need to fix whatever is causing the drama.

But here’s the truth.

You ARE okay.

The drama is not about you. It’s not caused by you. And it can’t be fixed by you.

You ARE okay. And you don’t need to engage.

Here’s a quick video where I explain it better. I’m inviting you to a 7-Day Challenge to change how you respond to drama.

Today’s video is about the drama free man. What is a drama free man?

It’s the same crap I always talk about. Like when I’ve talked about the happily divorced man or being a mountain lion man or a calm, deliberate and pleased man.

The drama free man is all of those things.

I keep trying to find different ways of saying the same thing to you so that it starts to sink in.

It took me a long time for this to sink in, so today I’m going to use the phrase ‘drama free’.

This has a particular importance, because a guy who isn’t a drama free man, who isn’t calm, deliberate and pleased or who isn’t a mountain lion guy, is a man who is overly affected by drama.

A drama free guy is a man who’s understood that chaos can happen all around him – a storm of anger and discontent can happen around him, people can be upset around him or even disappointed with him – but he doesn’t let their drama become his drama.

The drama free man is a guy who is comfortable in his skin, he has a low heart rate just like a mountain lion does about 50 beats per minute.

When I talk to guys who are really amped up over what to do next, when they’ve got this knot in their gut and this anxiety brewing up in them and they feel like they just have to do something about what’s going on in their lives – it’s usually something that a woman has done or something a child has done or something at work has happened – it’s drama that they have pulled themselves into.

What I want you to do is to learn how to pull back from the drama.

The one tip I want you to get today is the mindset shift that says “I’m ok, everybody else may not be okay, but I’m okay”.

The problem with being a drama guy is that when you feel that anxiety and that tension and the need to get pulled into other people’s drama, you’re doing it because you don’t think you’ll be ok unless you get in there.

You want to get in there and find some sense of peacefulness and calmness in yourself. But really it doesn’t reside outside of you.

Calmness and peacefulness and wellbeing is always inside you. So the challenge I’d like to leave you with over the next seven days, is to decide that every time you encounter drama, pretend you’re putting on another pair of glasses that let you see serenity, that let you pull back and understand that the chaos and the drama in front of you is not about you. You don’t need to do anything about it in order for you to be ok…because you’re already ok.

You’re already okay.

That’s the message I want you to get today. The drama free guy, the happily divorced guy, the calm, deliberate guy, the mountain lion guy…all know that they’re already okay.

The trigger for that mantra is when you next hear a complaint, an angry yell, an accusation or someone blaming you. When you hear that, put on those glasses and realise for yourself “I’m okay…I don’t have to react to this…I can think about this…I’m going to think about how I want to respond to this”.

That’s how a happily divorced guy goes. It’s how a drama free guy goes. It’s how the mountain lion goes.

That’s what I’d like to leave you with. A seven day challenge. For seven straight days, try to know that you’re okay. In the face of drama, chaos, tension or anxiety, take a deep breath and know that you’re okay.

I guarantee you’ll see a shift in the people around you. You’ll see the energy in them change because they have felt an energy in you change.

When I was in your shoes I thought that this stuff seemed impossible. It seemed like I would never get calm, that I would never understand how to live in that skin.

I want you to know that this is a process and it’s doable…and you can do it.

What does it mean to know you’re okay?

It means that you know you are being a calm, clear-headed, conscious man.

It means that you know you are operating from values you’ve chosen and you have been stepping up in life according to your own standards.

When you know you are okay NOTHING rattles you. You’re grounded, curious and present. You respond to drama as if it was a pesky mosquito.

Drama no longer gets under your skin and influences your outlook or your mood.

And guess what that does to the energy of the drama queens and kings around you?

They respect you more. They calm down faster. And they learn to take their drama elsewhere.

This is what the 7-Day Challenge is about in the video. Go ahead – give it a shot and see what happens when you come from a place of being okay.

What would it feel like to be this guy?

It might seem like an impossibility. But it’s not – especially if you’ve got someone in your corner to help you every step of the way.

I want you to feel like a strong, calm, confident and clear-headed man.

I want you to relax in situations that make normal men crazy.

I want you to grin with the knowledge you’re being who you want to be and you’re creating the life and love you want.

Why? Because I spent decades not feeling that way and I now know there’s a way to get to the other side.

If you’re ready for someone to talk to – someone who has walked in your shoes and found the way through the mess… then go HERE to apply for a consultation call. I guarantee you’ll feel better by the end of our talk.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage.

Photo: Unexpectedtales / Flickr

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on many television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels discussing the coaching and psychology factors relating to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides personal, practical, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats, group coaching and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and the right mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor for men who teaches his clients how to discover their masculine strength so they can confidently take the actions required to create the life and relationships that they really want. With over 10 years experience he has created thousands of videos and articles for well known relationship websites such as The Good Men Project, Medium and the Gottman Institute.

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