Hey brother,
This hurt me bad.
In 2013, I asked a popular men’s coach (Alex Allman) why he thought my wife never gave me the kind (and amount) of intimacy I wanted.
He looked me right in the eye…almost amused, and said…
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“Because you’re not yet the kind of guy who gets that stuff.”
My knee jerk reaction tempted me to say, “Well, f*ck you, Alex!”
But he meant it with kindness and compassion. He explained that it’s every man’s journey.
Moving from a mostly insecure, anxious and frustrated masculine frame to a calm, deliberate and pleased frame was a challenge nobody ever explained to me.
That was 11 years ago. And I’ve been teaching men how to win this battle ever since. When the light comes on for you, you’re going to shake your head in amazement.
At that moment you’ll get it.
You will know why you were trying so hard and how to shift your thinking so everything happens easier than ever.
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And then you’ll be the kind of man who gets what he wants.
Let me explain more “in person” in this video.
Why Intimate Men Always Have More Intimacy
The FIRST problem I had in my marriage was that I considered there to be only one synonym for “intimacy”. And that was SEX.
Yep. I had the dreaded disease called “Sex Brain”.
My brain measured the concepts of love, connection, compassion, empathy, affection and intimacy with ONE gauge. The SEX GAUGE.
And if my gauge went from zero to ten, I would begin to show signs insecurity, anxiety and frustration when the gauge dropped below seven.
What I’ve learned over the last 10 years is that women (including my partner), want to experience ALL KINDS of intimacy, with a safe, confident man who is pleased with himself.
In other words, the “kind of man who gets a lot of intimacy all the time“.
My problem was that I didn’t understand that TRUE INTIMACY goes a lot deeper than touching and getting touched in the bedroom.
Here are some examples of intimacy most men never master, therefore, they never get the intimacy they want.
- Laughing without restraint
- Crying without shame
- Sharing without hiding
- Listening without judging
- Dancing without “GAF” who’s watching
- Being vulnerable without fear
- Being quiet when you don’t know what to say
- Touching without needing to be touched
- Backing off without feeling abandoned
- Accepting without disappointment
- Empathizing without shaming
- Connecting without a hidden agenda
- Loving without strings
- Making love with a fully open heart and body
All of those things fall under the umbrella of intimacy. And you probably noticed the sexual form of intimacy wasn’t at the top of the list.
- Do you have any gauges that measure the other forms of intimacy?
- Are you consciously aware of how you are CREATING intimacy on a daily basis?
- Do you know when you’re likely sabotaging intimacy?
- Do you want to become the kind of man who can do this without effort and in a natural, confident way?
If your answers are “No, No, No and Yes”, then below are some options for you to get started right away…
Free: If you’re serious about building your masculine mojo then apply for a coaching call with us we will help you identify what to focus on and what to avoid to get you feeling confident again.
What do I mean by “SERIOUS”?
- We take YOU and your struggles seriously…because we’ve been there
- We know living in a sexless marriage is serious…and so is showing your kids what a healthy affectionate relationship looks like
- A lack of intimacy of all kinds is serious now and for the long term health of your marriage
- We believe your personal emotional strength and well-being is serious
- We seriously show up 110% to our conversations with you and expect you to be as serious as we are about changing your life
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$69 Monthly Subscription: Join Dan and I in our Men’s Roundtable Group Coaching membership. We meet three times per month for live group coaching and we support you in a powerful group of men facing the same issues you are. Get instant access to 5 years of recorded sessions. Try it for one month. What have you got to lose?
$397 One-Time Payment: How to Defuse the Divorce Bomb is a self-paced course with me, Tim Wade, and a community of men learning how to lead when you’ve just heard, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” or “I want to separate or divorce.”
As Teddy Roosevelt said:
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
