My Wife Just Told Me It’s Over, What Can I Do?

One day my life changed in an instant.

It was a shocking realization that everything I thought was true about my myself, my wife and my marriage was wrong.

It was the paralyzing reality that I had absolutely no control in stopping the avalanche of fear, rejection and uncertainty that was about to wipe me off the face of the planet.

Do you know this feeling?

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It sounds like:

• I’m done. I’m just numb.
• We’ve never had a connection.
• I just need space and I don’t know if I’ll ever want to be with you again.
• I’m just not romantically attracted to you anymore.
• I think we need to separate/divorce and see where this goes.

It feels like a black pillowcase is thrust over your head as you’re thrown into a windowless van. Then you’re taken for a bumpy ride to an unknown destination as your captors beat you around the head and shoulders. You have no idea when or IF it will ever end.

And the burning knot in your stomach is relentless.

The weird thing about men is that we usually wait for this type of emotional “attack” before we start asking for support.

And when this kind of pain kicks in we are desperate for any help, advice or secret trick that will fix everything. This will be your turning point if you make the right decision.

In this video I want to share the secret to surviving this shock and how you can even THRIVE…

This video is for a certain type of man. A man who is probably a lot like me.

A man who has suffered some major trauma in your life and relationships. It could be divorce, it could be separation, it could be infidelity, it could be anything that rocks your world and makes you think that your life as you know it is over.

This is a problem for a lot of men because we grow up believing that the source of our happiness, security and certainty, come from a relationship, from a woman, from a marriage.

As the years tick on by, we get more and more relaxed into the comfortable feeling that our certainty, our happiness and that our personal source of validation and value is coming from the relationship…but marriage was never meant to make a man secure, it was never meant to make a man happy.

Relationships and marriage and romantic love are a place where we’re supposed to learn more about ourselves – a place to learn how to love.

So when I talk about a guy who feels like he’s been abducted from life and all of a sudden he’s finding out that his marriage is crumbling or that his wife doesn’t love him anymore or that she’s seeing other people or she wants a divorce – any of those things can send us reeling into a feeling that we’re lost, that we’re stuck, that we don’t know who we are.

And this is a major problem.

Marianne Williamson said in her book ‘Return to love’, that “we’re all born happy, we’re all born with love”.

The thing that changes that, is that the day after we’re born, fear starts teaching us otherwise.

So every day throughout our lives, we’ve been slowly taught that there are things to fear. That other people somehow have control of your happiness. That the judgment, approval and affirmation of another person such as your mom, your teacher or your wife is somehow the source of your wellbeing and that, that’s where you get happiness from.

What I want to help you understand, is that you’ll never be more happy, you’ll never feel more powerful, you’ll never feel more generous in your ability to connect with and love other people, than when you find joy inside yourself.

This is called self-reliance.

This is called independence.

This is called outcome independence.

This is knowing that you can live each day not needing to control everything.

Only controlling the things inside yourself.

Controlling your responses to the things that happen to you.

So when I get on my crusade for self-reliance, it’s not about detaching, it’s not becoming a lone wolf and becoming so independent from the world that you don’t need anybody, it’s not the ‘screw them’ attitude. That’s not it at all.

Self-reliance and outcome independence is the mindset of a man who’s figuring out that he already has all the joy and happiness within him that he’ll ever need to love himself. He knows that he can control how he responds to create the circumstances in his life that he wants to experience.

So when you’re in the trauma of a relationship that’s going south or with a woman who’s pulling away from you or a pending divorce or separation, what I want you to know most is that you can thrive through this by controlling how you respond.

If you use this as the one trigger point in your life that says “You know what…I’ve had this wrong for the last few decades. I’ve been allowing people to strip me of my confidence, my own sense of self, my own values, my sense of worthiness…and I’m going to take my power back”.

The result of this decision is that when you take your power back, when you become truly self-reliant and truly outcome independent, that’s when you can finally relate to others from a place of generosity, from a place of abundance. You’re not looking to other people to make you whole. You don’t have conditional friendships and conditional love and conditional sex.

When you’re whole inside, you give wholly of yourself and you don’t have fear of anyone stripping away your security and your certainty, because you’re full of it – you’re overfilling your own bucket of love and certainty and you can give it to others.

Even in the middle of a divorce or in the middle of the trauma of finding out that your life may be changing forever…I want you to know that this is the trigger point, this is the turning point in your life to where you can actually decide to do something different. To start thinking differently.

This is what I do. This is what I want to do for you.

I want to introduce you to a way of thinking. I want to introduce you to some men who’ve gotten through this. I want to introduce you to some authors and thinkers that will blow your mind. I want to show you how you can use this as the launching pad for a whole new life.

You are a man with many options.

You can regain more power, more confidence and more mojo than you know.

But no amount of begging or bargaining with her is going to get you that.

It takes a radically different approach and an empowering fresh perspective to emerge from this period in your life with your head held high and a grin on your face.

I needed a powerful, initiated group of men to teach me this. And just so I never forget the lessons, I’ve created a whole community of men who have successfully fought this battle. We’re brothers for life, a little scarred up…but grinning wide through our bloody lips.

It might seem like impossibility. But it’s not – especially if you’ve got someone in your corner to help you every step of the way.

I want you to feel like a strong, calm, confident and clear-headed man.

I want you to relax in situations that make normal men crazy.

I want you to grin with the knowledge you’re being who you want to be and you’re creating the life and love you want.

Why? Because I spent decades not feeling that way and I now know there’s a way to get to the other side.

If you’re ready for someone to talk to – someone who has walked in your shoes and found the way through the mess… then go HERE to apply for a consultation call. I guarantee you’ll feel better by the end of our talk.

You WILL become a clearer, stronger, more confident man only through other men. Your woman cannot take you there – and she doesn’t WANT to…trust me on that.

My new book Straight Talk Tools for the Desperate Husband will help you to lead yourself and your relationship back to good health. Understand why your partner acts the way she does toward you and learn how to lead your life in the direction you want it to go. You CAN have the relationship you want, fulfilling all your desires while maintaining love and respect.

I wrote a free e-book to help men learn how to lose their fear and be more bold in their marriage to create the love and connection they want. Get The Hard to Swallow Truth About Saving Your Marriage HERE

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Photo: arkusm / Flickr

Steve Horsmon Certified Professional Men’s Coach

Steve Horsmon is a Certified Professional Life Coach and owner of Goodguys2Greatmen Relationship Coaching in Livermore, Colorado. He has appeared on well known coachign and psychology television, radio, youtube, and podcast channels related to maintaining healthy relationships. Steve provides intensely personal, action oriented coaching services for men through 1-on-1 coaching, private retreats and workshops designed to give men new knowledge, skills and mindset to achieve their relationship goals. He is a committed, lifelong mentor who teaches his clients to discover their masculine power, take bold action and create the life they want. He has written articles and guest blogs for numerous relationship and expert websites.

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